caning · Life in general · spanking

Blood and other stuff.

Blood.

Today I had a discussion with a blogger friend about being caned until she bled. My first reaction was that would most assuredly fall way outside my parameters. Yet she explained it as not a whole heck of a lot different from the other cane strokes, the ones that did not bleed. She suggested it was where they had overlapped or just cut deeper into the skin. She also said that when she saw that she was bleeding she was excited. I kept waiting to feel horrified but I 100% understood. I would feel the same way. I am a visual person, I enjoy looking at my cane strokes, the redness of my bottom and my thighs after being with M. I love that he will pull me over to the light just so he can see every stripe up close, that he touches every bruise every mark he mars my body with. I get pleasure from that as well, the humiliation of being visually inspected is arousing. I know just by some recent conversations with M that he will again push my limits when next we see each other.Can I imagine having blood on me when he finishes with me. Unless that is a parameter of his. Absolutely.Over the past few days we have kept an ongoing dialogue up about just this topic. I was asked to look at some pictures that were linked to my blog that I felt were pretty harsh in comparison to what I am used to. Lupus caning pictures among others….M asked me how they made me feel.

Me:My first impression is horrific…..then I think mmmmm, maybe one time. I can’t see you taking it to that level …what is the point. Like I said, is it overkill? I don’t want the experience to turn negative in my mind. I can barely stay on top of the pain as it is.

M: I’m surprised. We have talked about a restrained, no specific number caning. I imagine this would be the result. I think you could get into subspace and stay there through something like this (not that it wouldn’t hurt…). I really see you as having a high tolerance for the cane so would like to one day, intend to, push it. I know.. let’s try it and see. 🙂

Me:(Dumb question) Can you really see yourself doing that to me?

M: Yes.And I suspect it will turn me on so much, I’d fuck you without bothering to untie you. Where I’d fuck you, I don’t know, but either way you’d feel me banging hard into your raw and beaten bottom.

So that is what I get for asking dumb questions. Drenched panties….lol. I told M today that the most arousing thing to me as I anticipate seeing him again is the knowledge that he wants to hurt me. That he wants to and that he knows he can. I will never fully understand why that just does it for me but it does. I love that his words pull something out of me, something primal and dark. That my own thoughts and reactions to him scare the living daylights out of me sometimes. There are thoughts in my head, things I long to experience with him that on a saner day I would cover my eyes if presented with them. Yet with Him I find I have little inhibitions, that I can embrace my darker desires. I asked him if he felt challenged by my seemingly high tolerance for caning. I asked him how having me under his power, completely at his mercy made Him feel?

M:I would stand over you and direct the cane vertically. Same with the flogger, that would be easier and I could use it much harder. Its leather straps would get between your cheeks, flail your throbbing cunt, slash against the inside of your tender thighs. How would I feel? I would laugh while you begged and then if you begged too much I would gag you, or maybe put my hands around your neck to silence you……. ……And a large part is wanting to take you long and far, take you to a point where you are mine totally, you resistance is gone, your tolerance is gone, the pain is unending and merciless, and where your spirit is completely mine……

 I do not even think I was able to form a cogent response to these emails. They left me painfully aroused and trembling with anticipation. Yet a real concern and a real confusion lingered with me throughout the remainder of the day, it provoked me writing this post.Can I meet his expectations? I hope I can. I admit freely how badly I need this experience, how willingly I submit to every act he subjects me too. My only worry is not being strong enough to take all he asks me to take for Him. I am wondering if I will swallow my safe word everytime I feel it on my tongue or will I use it. Will I struggle when he ties me down and tells me he is going to beat me past the point of begging him to stop? Will I be welcomed into subspace…will I need it’s shelter.

Good night for now……

 

7 thoughts on “Blood and other stuff.

  1. I think it’s common that the submissive worries if she can live up to expectations. But she should place herself in the hands of her Dom. If he is good with her, he knows just how far she can go, and it may be further than she thinks.

  2. I envision this as an impulsive, momentary thing. If I saw blood (not my thing, incidentally, to inflict), hell, I don’t know…I might get so aroused that yes, I’d fuck you as hard and as quickly as I could, too. The more I explore this, the more I do realize that I have some limitations. I’ve always been much more sensually oriented in my dom attitude. But I wouldn’t put this down at ALL. Every one of us has a darker side that we are aware of.

  3. Wheee! I was quoted! Thanks! 🙂

    My advice is not to worry about whether you can take it, or not. You will take what he gives you — and that’s what really means something to him.

    I have freaked out a couple times on my Master, after a scene, because I had my period or I was over-exhausted, and he didn’t give me as much pain as the time before, and I was scared he wasn’t satisifed by the scene, because he couldn’t be as hard on me.

    It’s taken him a lot of holding me and explaining that he doesn’t need to hit me with all the strength in his body every time he hits me — he is a sadist, but that’s not all a sadist is. He knows my limits are different on different days, and he enjoys taking me up to the edge of my limits, no matter where they are.

    In fact, me trying to decide, at the end of the scene, that he hadn’t given me “enough” was just me trying to be more in control of things than I have any right to be. He is the Master for a reason — he gets what he wants from a scene, and I shouldn’t question that — even if I’m thinking of his needs.

    My Master doesn’t just enjoy the marks, the occasional blood. He enjoys watching me struggle with the pain and overcome it so I can accept more pain from him. The marks are a static result — what he loves best is the dynamic process of the scene.

  4. pixiepix…your dark side is there….M will find it and you will both explore it together. you talk about things that you do not think you are up to doing, yet you still get aroused….who knows what you are capable of? that is why you trust M…he will do what he wants….he will push you and stretch your limits as only he can do….and you will love him for it.

  5. Hi geltsgirl….we are having way too much fun with this topic…could we be trying to tell our Masters something….lol! I agree with everything you say, especially with trying to decide at the end of a scene if he was satisfied with what you took or didn’t take. I think we should just assume that if our Doms are true Doms (and I do not believe either one of us doubt this)that like you said he gets exactly what he needs from a scene.
    Something else you said that I can especially relate to is that it is more than just the marks left behind but the process as you struggle to take the pain for him that means the most to the Dom. It is a reminder to us of the power in submission and how very strong we are as women to allow ourselves to be that vulnerable, that trusting with our Dom. So much of it is having the ability to surrender and put his needs,pleasures and desires ahead of your own inhibitions, anxieties and insecurities. I rarely feel as empowered as I do when in full submission to M.
    Your Master had it right when he said that I have lots to learn….I agree and as I go through this process I eagerly look forward to every experience. So thank you geltsguy for your pointers…as nervous as they made me…..lol!

  6. Seemed like every magasine I picked up on the plane had an article on BDSM. I was highly amused!!

    Kisses,
    ~A~

    Just say “Yes Mistress Angel” and Smile ..
    xoxxx

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