bdsm · caning · Life in general · spanking

Justify my love…hey, wasn’t that a song….?

I am such a curious soul, always reading, trying to discover something new. I like to analyze my every  feeling..and for obvious reasons figuring out the D/s dynamic is first on my list. The emotional side is probably the hardest….as that is so necessary for me.

I am one step closer to understanding this morning and I can thank this web page…”></a>.

This FAQ page..some of which I am going to quote below makes so much sense. I am intrested in what my readers think of this topic realizing many of you are in similiar situations.  This web page deals with polyamorous relationships and while my situation does not meet all the criteria the following portion was still helpful for me.


“But if you love someone, you shouldn’t want anyone else…right? That’s a common idea, but it doesn’t really hold up in practice.

Many people believe that a person who has multiple loves can’t give their “whole heart” to any person. The belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided up and is therefore not as deep. This is based on the “starvation model” of love–that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else–so if you fall in love with another person, you have to “pay” for it by withdrawing your love from the first person.

.Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counterintuitive ways. When you love more than one person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your whole heart to more than one person, and when you do, you realize it’s the most beautiful feeling in all the world.

Don’t think of the contents of your heart the way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn’t work like that.

Some people also seem to feel that it is not possible to love more than one person at a time, so if you’re in a position where you’re in a relationship with one person and you happen to fall for someone else, this “proves” you don’t really love the person you’re with, right? After all, the feeling goes, we are put here on this earth to love only one other person, our one true soulmate in a world of six billion people…the single person who is right for us, and who by some quite astounding coincidence happens to go to the same school, or work at the same place.

This is the “scarcity model” of love–the notion that love is rare, that we can only have one true love, and that once we meet tht one true love, the part of our brains which take notice of other people suddenly and mysteriously shut off.”


9 thoughts on “Justify my love…hey, wasn’t that a song….?

  1. i understand exactly what you’re saying, and it’s something i’ve given a lot of thought to. i agree, we don’t have a limited supply of love to give. we give it to as many children as we have, don’t we?

  2. PixiePie — I’ve believed in the validity of polyamory for most of my adult life. It’s something I’ve always wanted to explore in some way, but I have not found that partner in life (or those partners) who would want to discuss it intelligently without attaching some kind of judgment to it. It is a fascinating and appealing way to strengthen, in my opinion, one’s love and respect for all people. I am willing to talk about this with anyone at any time. But FIRST….Finding that friend/lover/partner in life who gets it. Who gets me. Because the whole thing has to involve EVERYONE, not one person’s desires. Love this post.

  3. I have fallen in love with a wonderful polyamorous man over the past 8 months and have been exploring this topic myself. I personally am monogamous and have no desire to change that (I don’t even know if I have the ability to), but reading many, many sites on it has helped me get some sort of understanding. I find it hard sometimes to equate what he says to what I was brought up to believe, but I feel that if you love someone and are loved in return then you can overcome anything life throws your way.

  4. love is abundant…i never run out of it. i give love to my family members, to my friends…..and it does not lessen….in fact, it grows. so, why would it become exhausted in the case of lovers? wouldn’t the same principle apply? the more love you give….the more you have to give….love just grows like that for me. and hopefully, i would get some in return.

    i love when you compare it to a wallet….you are so right that there is no comparison there.

    i love this pixiepie.

  5. I don’t think there’s any doubt we can love more than one person. One thing that interests me is whether one can love more than one person in quite the same way. Or do we love different people in different ways? Showing more of a certain aspect of ourselves to one person, more of another aspect to a second, and so on? And, a big question this, can a submissive obey two doms equally? Or will one of them always have precedence in her mind?

  6. Lots of opinions on this all around…I think we are raised to think we would find that ‘special someone’ and live in love happily ever after. I think that CAN happen but even if it does it does not mean you will never love another person. I do not think we as a species are wired that way, our urges are too strong, our weaknesses too many.

    Roper you bring up a valid point as well…that deserves it’s own post btw..(go for it).
    Can a submissive obey two Doms…I don’t know the answer to that. For me, it would be difficult if not impossible..and I hope I do not contradict myself. To me part of my submissiveness to M is a feeling of being owned or His, that is important to adds to the level in which I am submitting to him. If he asked me to submit to another Dom for his pleasure, I would without question. To do so on my own…well I am not quite sure if I wouldn’t feel as if it wouldn’t take too much away from my submissiveness towards M.

    And maybe none of that makes sense…but there is so much more than love and commitment involved.

  7. I don’t see why not. As long as the trust and the communication is there, hell, anything can happen….In my humble opinion…

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