bdsm · caning · Life in general · M. · spanking

Punishment Essay

Her punishment (which comes from a discussion/thought we had during an email exchange):

To post a blog entry of PRECISELY 500 words on what it would feel like and what issues would be raised if (when?) I told her to domme another girl.

____________________________________________________________________________

To domme another girl would be unnatural to me. Imagine Little Red Riding Hood planning to eat the wolf, plain unnatural. If I was asked to perform this act for M, I would do so without hesitancy. I am sure seeing me do this would give him some element of pleasure. I imagine the bulk of his pleasure would come from me submitting to his whim rather than me actually being dominant. And realistically isn’t that what this would be about? Pleasing M? It would be with that spirit and resolve I would charge into this if he ever asked me to. Would I like it? No. Would I receive any sexual gratification from it? Not at all. I am naturally submissive, the idea of being dominant is distasteful to me. Doing it for him, knowing he is watching me and that I am pleasing him in the process is however, not distasteful to me.

I wouldn’t like the idea that I was capable of hurting someone, even the idea that someone would be submissive enough towards me to allow me such liberties with their body makes me uncomfortable. The desire to strike another person is alien to me. The desire just isn’t there. Thinking this through as I write this essay is revealing to me just how much responsibility comes with being Dominant. So many fears that cross my mind as I consider being asked to cause physical pain to another person. Can I damage her? Is she OK? What are her reasons for seeking submission? Am I doing her more harm than good? All valid questions that linger in my mind as I contemplate being Dominant over someone else.

I have a new found appreciation for the emotions and responsibilities that M must carry with him in this sometimes difficult journey with me. It is a great deal of responsibility to provide discipline and guidance to another person. He takes his role quite seriously. He is the voice of reason that I tend to listen to more than any other in my life. He says that there is such strength in my submission to him, that some people may think being submissive is a sign of weakness. He has taught me it is the opposite. I agree 100% and I enjoy what happens on my end of the cane. To be asked to cross over even for a moment shatters some image in my head of who I am. I am truly only learning what it is like to be submissive. I mess up a lot. He has the patience to deal with me when I do, I don’t have that. He knows when to ignore my antics and when to address them, he knows and understands the emotions that seep through my blog and my emails to him. It is with the same patience he deals with my flaws that he celebrates my growing submission to him. I do not have that inside of me to give.

16 thoughts on “Punishment Essay

  1. This was a touching post for me pixie. I could very much identify with your thoughts about how much responsibility it would be. I feel dominant toward women much of the time…but I shrink from the responsibility at the moment. I feel that I have much on my own plate as a submissive and need to focus on that first before I can devote myself to anyone else….and I”m starting to think that I want a peer relationship with some bottoming in the bedroom more than a power exchange.

    You make me think too about pleasing my M. I really want to do that. Very much. I know it would a great deal….makes me wish to speed up the process with my own emotional work just so I feel I”m in a good place to do that…

    Thanks for the thought provoking post.

  2. this is an interesting twist on something i’ve puzzled for a long time about my bisexuality: when i first started messing around with girls, i did it for men who wanted me to. over time, i came to like women regardless of whether someone was ‘directing me’ to do things with them, or not.

    however, i’ve never been able to accept the idea of topping a woman (i almost feel like i could top a man more easily). i wonder if part of your (and my) resistence to it doesn’t stem from both wanting to be in her shoes (i would much rather have her push me around, thank you) and feeling overly-sympathetic (i know how bad it hurts, and would feel nervous about hurting someone else that badly). i also wonder if this isn’t why topping a man seems like it would be easier: i would distance myself from him just by virtue of his being a man, and not feel the same empathy that i would for a woman.

    regardless, though, like you, i would do it just to please John. if he was enjoying it, i would not resist (although i might feel awkward and uncomfortable actually hurting her).

    sorry for rambling on in your comments section, but it is a very thought-provoking essay. well done.

    *lg

  3. Frankly I don’t think you are cut out to be a Domme, pixiepie. It’s a waste of your talents to force you into a mode that doesn’t suit you. Far better to find you a cruel Domme and have her work on you under M’s instructions.

  4. i think that you and i are cut from the same cloth on this one. i too have been in the position to at least imagine and try to Domme other women…it feels foreign and very unnatural. i so love your Red Riding Hood reference..how perfect a desription!

    The description that used to come to my mind was “icky”…yours is so much better…:)

    Being Dominant to anyone is just so against what feels natural…and yet here we have Dominants who like to push and manipulate us into uneasy and uncomfortable waters. And that is pleasing to Them…so because of that we push and allow ourselves to be led into those areas that satisfy and pleasure Him. And that makes it worth it.

  5. Oh pixie, i just love what you discuss on here, it’s so pertinent to my almost constant thinking on these topics (stupid brain won’t turn off). I identified a lot with your post and Greenwoman’s post, I have been asked to Domme women online, and I don’t even feel particularly bisexual at this stage. I enjoy women’s company a lot, but not sexually, although I can see it building as lg commented. I feel though, that while I can come up with some good ideas and sessions for dominating women, I wouldn’t be able to do anything over a longer period of time because I wouldn’t have the committment to it. I don’t have the need or desire to dominate, therefore I don’t fully understand the need to ‘make’ me do it (Master seems to be very keen). I suppose it’s for his enjoyment to see two women together, and if that’s the case then i should be doing everything I can to give him pleasure, but still, it seems a flimsy reason to make me go so against the grain. I don’t know, i seem to be doing a lot of complaining these days. I did flog a good friend who was wrapped in gladwrap at the time, and i greatly enjoyed that, so who knows. I think a lot of trust has to be involved, I don’t like thinking about these random highly highly sexually charged encounters so much, I like more head to be involved (yes i realise how that sounds).

    I’m really sorting these things out at the moment. That’s why I sound so unsure I guess. I’m aware of what a bad submissive I sound like compared to others.

    Hugs,

    –[milla]

  6. lg~~
    “i wonder if part of your (and my) resistence to it doesn’t stem from both wanting to be in her shoes”

    wow…i never thought of that but you are so right, i would so want to be in her shoes especially if this was something i was asked to do in partnership with M….jealously would be fantastically overwhelming for me.
    i also understand when you said that you would almost rather top a man…to me though this would be even further out of my range…i think i must relate power and authority to strong deserving men so it would be less about feeling empathy for a woman as feeling not quite right being physically dominant over a man, they are naturally bigger and stronger so it would seem like too much of a game to Domme someone who could easily overpower you…..i tend to enjoy my dominance over men in more subtle yet powerful ways…;)

  7. Roper~~ no doubt you are right…i am no where close to being Domme material..M knows that as much as you do.
    i beleive this is just a ‘what if’ yet you know in the end it will be what he decides i should experience regardless of it being a waste of my talents…regardless of my arguments….even if it is just for his amusement

    and he has already found that cruel domme you mentioned…though i hope cruel isn’t actually accurate….:)

  8. hi daddy’s pig….icky is a good description too.
    and i agree the pleasure you bring your Master would pretty much make doing anything worth it.

  9. milla~ you do not sound like a bad submissive…i am the one being punished here remember…lol
    “I don’t have the need or desire to dominate, therefore I don’t fully understand the need to ‘make’ me do it ”
    i know…kind of brings me back to that internal struggle i had thought was conquered…you know the one where you ask ‘whats the point of this’ instead of saying ‘yes Sir’

  10. I imagine I should evaluate and grade your essay, pet. First, good job for hitting 500 words exactly. You saved yourself one stroke of the cane across your thighs for every word over or under. Did I mention that beforehand? Maybe not…
    You write well, always, so no extra credit for innate talent. But this was thoughtful and well put-together. After all, if it makes you appreciate me more, how can that be bad? And you provoke some interesting comments from your friends, that’s good too.
    I think, to be fair, you probably do deserve an A+. This doesn’t mean you will always get one or that you should rest on your laurels. But good job, pet. Keep entertaining us.

  11. On one hand it is good to have limits. On the other hand haven’t you given up rights to your own?
    It is a wise Master that teaches his submissive or slave that there is strength in submission. Some of the most powerful women I have ever known allowed themselves to be submissive in the bedroom.
    Nice response to an intelligent, well thought out assignment.

  12. like you pixie, i am naturally submissive. to even think about being dominant towards another flusters me. it is so against my nature and yours. i cannot even imagine how i would be able to go through with such an order. i would push through it, like you mention, in order to please M as that is your main goal regardless of what you have to do. your punishment was nicely written. definitely thought provoking material.

  13. Interesting. I really appreciate this post and its value. I cannot conjure up anything else aside from what has already been discussed here, by readers and then duplicated by yourself, but I do know how you feel. As a total bottom (which, is how I view myself and how you also view yourself) the thought of topping another- no matter male or female- is paralyzing. The catch-22 to this is that I Domme people all day in a completely non-sexual way; but the minute clothes are stripped, I’m under tight surveillance and orders, I’m a completely natural submissive; subservient to everyone.

    And…I’ve been ordered to top another girl. I hesitated and got my face smacked for delaying. Instinct kicked in- it wasn’t about me not wanting to do this (got smacked again for apologizing to her as I tried to find my rational state of mind to be able to carry out the whipping orders) This was about my Owner and her Sir and about me following my order despite my lack of confidence, comfort, and irrational fear of hurting her. I was being submissive by following orders despite the fact that it was topping her. I apologized after every strike though (I’m so not a top) but was proud to have followed the order even though I was really petrified of inflicting pain on her.

    *sigh*

    I don’t think it will be the last time it’s ordered based upon the fact that it is extremely difficult for me. I just know better now how to respond in the honor of respecting my Owner’s orders.

    I may do a post on this in the near future. I’ll quote you. Very interesting post, pixie- thanks!

  14. toy~ i understand what you mean when you mantion the transformation when the clothes come off….it is similiar to me, i look for ways to be ‘in charge’ of people day to day…even my career choice places me in a leadership position…and it is during those times that a different side of me emerges, a side just as strong as the side i offer to M.
    you really made me laugh as i can see you topping someone and saying after every stroke…oh, i am so sorry, made me really feel sorry for who you were topping- can you imagine being beaten and then being apoligized to! it is nice to know you were asked to do this and you survived..just in case the ‘what if’ turns into a do it now sorta thing…
    thanks toy!

  15. hi dp…it’s crazy, isn’t it?…the things we would do…i am still trying to figure out the exact moment when i made that transformation in my head from sub to ‘owned’…..as a sub (not that i would not still consider myself that) i almost had the right to have boundaries and paramaters, hard limits…etc…when it gets deeper than that those boundaries sort of naturally fall away. when M says something like this he says it knowing it will be done when/if he decides it isn’t merely mentioned as a suggestion to see how i react. this change leaves all sorts of possibilities open and i suppose this would be just another one of those possibilities. talk to you soon….

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