Today in conversation with M we were discussing the story he had written for me yesterday and I made a remark something to the effect of… “why do you always want to share me?” I think he is surprised that I see what he asks me to do as sharing. He sees it as ‘showing me off’…I argued a bit more because I truly do not see the difference. Because I argued with him and because he truly wants me to see the difference he told me to explore it in a 300 word essay.
Scenario One- Sharing
“Give it to me, that is my toy!”
“No, no, no, no, it is my toy!”
“Alright boys, settle down, it is nice to share your toys. Tommy when you are finished playing with it give Jason a turn.”
Scenario Two- Showing off
Na-na-na-na-boo-boo..lookie what I have..it’s all mine and you can’t play with it, na-na-na, here you can touch it, you can hold it for a second but now I want it back. Right now, it’s mine all mine! It’s my special toy and I don’t have to share my special toys.”
I think I see the difference.
As soon as I started to write it hit me what he has been trying to get me to understand all along. The difference between sharing and showing off is clear to me now. I am still trying to cross over that place in my head that still thinks that being shared or showed off is wrong. It isn’t as long as I am doing it for him. Along with my submission to him I gift him with my trust. That doesn’t mean I only submit to what turns me on or what is easy for me, it should always be what pleases him. He would get pleasure from another man admiring what is his. Like the boy in the scene if he is a really good friend he may even let him touch they toy but only because he knows it is always coming back to him, because he knows that even while the other boy is interacting with the toy it is still his toy and he gets to say how it is played with. That is showing off. He is proud of me, proud of the fact I am submissive to only him.