Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck
I owed M an apology and I offered him one today. I explained in my last post how I argued with him when he told me to give the phone back to Ms. Anna. I never argue with him and I think that if you asked him he would agree that I am mostly obedient. I try anyway. Sometimes we tease and play but I can always tell when he is serious. Saturday I knew he was serious and I argued with him anyway. And it wasn’t just a little “but M…” I told him No, I said I didn’t want to do something and I threatened to hang up the phone so he couldn’t tell Ms. Anna what I had said. I was terrible. I was disrespectful and I felt awful about it right away. He was upset with me I could tell but he also took into consideration the difficult position I was in. Though he would never, ever let me get away with how I acted.
Anyway, I am not sure what got into me at that moment except that I knew he was going to tell Ms. Anna what I said. I also felt as if he had truly misunderstood me. Looking back of course with a more settled disposition I realize it shouldn’t have mattered if I was misunderstood or not. Fact remains I should have obeyed him immediatly. That is our agreement. If I had a list of rules from him it would be number one. It distracted me through the remainder of my session with Ms. Anna because I try so hard to please him and I hate, hate, hate letting him down. It showed me how badly I need Ms. Anna and it shamed me that I am still not where I need to be with M. My obedience to him should be immediate and this time I blatantly disobeyed him.
I apologized today and this is what I said….
“I know it is too late to apologize and I know I deserve big time punishment for how I acted. I shouldn’t have argued with you the way I did on the phone. I should have given her the phone right away and not made it worse. I am sorry for acting like such a baby.”
What I just realized right now is this may have been one of the first apologies I have ever offered him without interlacing excuses. I think I am slowly learning that even the most sincere apology can be ruined by adding excuses.
“As for your apology, thank you. But please paste it into your naughty list as you wrote it. Given your acknowledgment of it, I know you will submit to being punished for it. I have a mind to wash your mouth out with soap, something you will find nothing close to erotic.”
He mentions me not finding anything erotic in having my mouth washed out with soap because I have the ability to eroticize all types of pain. He finds it challenging to punish me at times- I think. What can I say, I am a masochist.
“You would never do that to me, would you?”
“Yes I would. I think it would taste foul and stay in your mouth a long time. You’ve earned it. Task: post on your blog and ask if anyone has done it, what it’s like.”Me…“Yes Sir, but can I ‘unearn’ a punishment?”
“Unearn (not a word btw)… no, I don’t think so. You can try, of course. Your punishments depend on what I want and think, not on what you do. Hence I can beat you hard and long for closing a curtain too loudly or I can spank you gently and erotically for challenging my authority.”
I am very curious if anyone has ever submitted to having their mouth washed out with soap. I have concerens about allergies, chemicals and stomach aches. I even think most soap manufactureres put warning labels on the boxes. Something to the effect of..’not for human consumption’ or possibly..’ for external use only’. I also looked at the ingredients of soap and spent way too much time learning about all the actual reasons why it should never be put in your mouth.
I found this on:
“Today, soaps are made from fats and oils that react with lye (sodium hydroxide). Solid fats like coconut oil, palm oil, tallow (rendered beef fat), or lard (rendered pork fat), are used to form bars of soap that stay hard and resist dissolving in the water left in the soap dish.
Oils such as olive oil, soybean oil, or canola oil make softer soaps. Castile soap is any soap that is made primarily of olive oil, and is known for being mild and soft.
As warm liquid fats react with lye and begin to saponify, they start to thicken like pudding. At this point dyes and perfumes are often added. The hardening liquid is then poured into molds, where it continues to react, generating heat. After a day, the bars can be cut and wrapped, but the saponification process continues for a few weeks, until all of the lye has reacted with the oils.
Soaps are often superfatted, so after all of the lye has reacted with the fats, there are still fats left over. This is important for two reasons. First, the resulting soap is easier to cut, and feels smoother on the skin. Second, the extra fats make sure that all of the lye reacts, so no lye is left to irritate the skin, and the resulting soap is not too alkaline.
The saponification process results in about 75% soap, and 25% glycerine. Commercial bar soaps contain sodium tallowate, sodium cocoate, sodium palmate and similar ingredients, all of which are the results of reacting solid fats (tallow, coconut oil, and palm kernel oil respectively) with lye.
To these ingredients, they add fatty acids such as coconut acid and palm acid (the fats in coconut oil and palm kernel oil) as the extra fats needed to ensure the lye is completely reacted, and the soap has a good feel.
Polyethylene glycols such as PEG-6 methyl ether may be added as either surfactants, detergents, emulsifiers (to make the dyes and perfumes blend evenly), or as thickeners.
Glycerine is added as an emollient and texture enhancer. Sorbitol is another emollient used along with glycerine. It is often added to help make glycerine soaps more transparent. Titanium dioxide is added to make the soap opaque.
Pentasodium pentetate, tetrasodium etidronate and tetrasodium EDTA are added as water softeners, and to protect the dyes and perfumes from the effects of metal ions in the mixtures. These compounds lock up calcium and magnesium in the water, preventing them from reacting with the soap to form insoluble soap scum.
Gross, Gross, Gross….try eroticizing that. Again, has this happened to anyone? Did you get sick? Did you burp bubbles for days…please tell.