bdsm · bondage · breath play · caning · D/s · knife play · Richard · spanking

Ramblings of a sleepy submissive

I am continually amazed at the way my body responds and accepts pain…humiliation….more pain…and of course more pleasure than one person should be allowed to have, all with this inward gratifying sense of acceptance. So many new experiences lately have just left my world feeling full and loaded with wonderment both at what I can do and what I can allow to be done to me. I am amazed at my ability to ‘feel’…I am amazed at how centered my world feels right now in so may ways. I feel a sense of structured peace that I can only contribute to where my submission has led me. Yet…I spin. Up and down with so many questions…days I focus on the loss…days I throw myself 100% into the here and now.Approaching peace comes with it’s own set of problems. Yet I have to admit…this is a good problem to have. I am on the brink of being quite overwhelmed. My mind is working hard to keep up with the sensations my body is craving…almost as if I am peaking somehow. A long steady peak…make sense. Probably not. 🙂The other day Richard had me reaching above my head leaning into the wall. He had already undressed me and was giving me a hard hand spanking right there in the living room. His hand was coming down hard and fast…and I felt breathless from the urgency behind the spanking. Sometimes Richard is like that, he’ll start a scene right away without a word. Other times there is light conversation and closeness before…either way I feel pulled in. Heavily pulled in… almost to the point of being weak with need and desire and a longing that will only be satisfied when he decides.

I tried to keep the small grunts and whimpers from escaping my mouth. He had told me once that he didn’t mind me making sounds like that during a scene as long as they didn’t sound angry…he doesn’t want to hear…..Ouch! or Ohhh!! in an angry ‘who do you think you are to treat me so’ tone. I understand that. Of course anger is the last thing I feel when his hands are on me. So after a few more minutes the moans and sighs of pleasure flowed freely from my body and I felt wetness on my thighs. I felt my body lift towards his hand as if inviting the blows that seemed to not stop. I didn’t want them to stop, I wanted the pain associated with his spanking as much as I needed something to calm the needing ache in my body.

Finally he stopped and he ordered me to my knees. “Crawl to the bedroom” he told me. I was shocked when he said this because he had never asked me to do something like that. It felt natural though as I obeyed him only looking up at him questioningly one time. I imagined him watching my retreating very red bottom as I crawled as gracefully as I could down the long carpeted hallway into the bedroom.

I won’t take up so much time to explain everything that went on but I will highlight some things that I am still rolling over in my head. Throughout the scene I often found his hand around my throat..or even better he would cover my mouth and nose and press down until I literally could not breath through his hand. My first instinct was to panic as it got harder to catch a small wisp of air but I fought that and allowed my body to float backwards. All I felt was my heartbeat. It was loud in my ears and I felt it with my body. I pulsed. As his hand tightened across my mouth his other hand was between my open legs bringing me to the brink of orgasm. Every loud beat of my heart was joined by a contraction of pleasure against his hand as I felt the hot wetness practically pour out of me. What followed was the most amazing intense series of orgasms I have ever experienced. Every time I thought it was over and I had caught my breath he pulled me back down into the breathless power exchange of his control.

I can’t explain the feeling of straining beneath another person’s hand for your next breath. I was overwhelmed with the deep feeling of submission that it took to allow him to control my breathing….the trust that I had felt with him almost from day one. That still amazes me…but what makes it so right and so real that although I offered my trust and submission freely to him he has earned it time and time again. Every time he gently brings me down after pushing my limitations or the care he takes with my body my trust in him grows. For the longest time I believed myself not capable of trusting anyone like this…other than Mark of course. Trust is necessary in this sort of relationship.

I want to write more about this day…so much happened. Maybe I’ll add later…I have a lot to think about tonight. So much I wasn’t expecting so soon…so intense. What am I doing!!

M. · Richard and Ms. Anna

You’ll have days like that…..

Ok, I’ll admit it. I miss Mark. A lot. It’s hard knowing we are staying away from each other because we have convinced ourselves it is for the best. I mean, I know it is for the best…but why do I still feel so bad about the whole thing?
I was doing just fine and then I got a silly email from that lovely B&B in Pittsburgh. You know, the one we stayed at together several months ago. It included this downloadable brochure and a friendly reminder to “come back and see us”…and one of the pictures in the brochure was of our room. Pathetic, isn’t it. I was flooded with images of that time together…I don’t think it ever climbed above 1o degrees the entire time we were togther and the snow…it snowed the entire time. Big white flakes that clung to us as we braved the streets to explore the city together. It was beautiful and so was he. I think that is what I miss so much…that feeling of being with him, of being his. And I have come so far but I have also come to the realization that what I am doing now I do for myself and it in no way diminishes what I feel for Mark. And while I move past the pain of letting him go I will never get past my feelings for him. I just strive to get to the place in my head (and in my heart) where it doesn’t hurt so much. It’s close..I can feel it and I know I have come through this as positive as what I have because of Richard and Ms. Anna who have been a constant means of support as I go up and down in the process of healing my heart. Like I said I know the day is near where it won’t be as raw. It has to be soon, right? I can’t quite touch it yet but it’s right there.

bdsm · caning · D/s · spanking

What would you do?

The crisp sheets under her smelled of lavender. They were pale blue with white ribboned flowers printed on them, summer sheets she thought. The kind you would imagine snapping on someone’s clothes line drying in the hot sunshine.

He was at her feet. Just sitting there quietly, unassuming, confident in his ability to master the situation unfolding in front of him. He took in her small frame, her tanned legs partly spread in front of him and the shiny pink polish on her toes. He took it all in as he watched her. She was turned on her side her arm partially thrown across the young girl at her side. Tentative fingertips brushed skin, and nipples hardened beneath small hesitant kisses. It was an erotic display of wanton innocence and they performed it for him.

His breath caught in his throat as she sat up and helped pull the other girl up to her knees. They exchanged a kiss. It was soft…unsure and searching but turned deeper as he thought he heard one of them moan. Maybe it was him he thought as his slave’s blue eyes met his over the rounded shoulder of her new friend. He liked watching their hands explore each other, the soft giggles their sweet touches brought forth was pure pleasure to him. He especially liked the fact he had arranged this meeting…that he had insisted his slave find a new friend and initiate this relationship. She had marvelous taste he thought as he took in the dark beauty of the girl at his toy’s side.

Her skin was darker than his slaves and the contrast was startling as the two young ladies laid back down across the bed. She turned and pressed his little toy back into the mattress and straddled her slightly. She ran small hands over her breasts and pinched the nipples one at a time turning to meet his eye to make sure he was watching. Of course he was. He watched soft pink lips draw in his little pet’s nipple and he loved how she tossed her head back slightly in her passion. He knew how wet she must be and he fought the urge to join the pair. He knew he could at anytime. After all, she belonged to him and would never deny him pleasure. Not yet he thought. There was still so much to come. He reached out and softly caressed the other girl’s bottom and she leaned into his touch.

Never moving his hand he stood and placed a knee on the bed. As she nibbled on his toy’s nipples he began to softly spank the other girl. The smacking sound filled the room and it grew louder as the spanking got harder. Not wanting to push her too far too fast his hand slowed and finally stopped resting on the curve of her back. He noticed that her head was turned towards him and his pet’s hand was lost in her hair offering comfort to her new friend. He ran his hand over the reddened skin and enjoyed the heat pouring from her. He told his toy to kiss her friend, to kiss away the stinging pain of his spanking. The darker girl rolled over onto her stomach and laid flat on the bed. His toy ran a gentle hand over her skin slowing as it brushed across the red imprints of his hand. Her lips followed her fingers as she planted small graceful kisses over pink skin. He placed a hand in her hair and pulled her over so she was closer to him, so that he was able to touch her. He watched her small pink tongue dart out to caress away the sting as he told her exactly what he wanted to see.

The girl was twisting slightly in her need and he told his pet to use her mouth and make the other girl cum. He sensed a slight hesitation from his pet and he looked at her expectantly. He could tell she wasn’t sure but she shifted so she was kneeling between the open legs of her friend. She ran a tentative finger down the girls tummy across her navel and paused only for a moment at the cleft of her legs. He had moved closer to the top of the bed so he could watch her more closely. Her eyes never left his as she bent to kiss the inner thigh of the other girl, her kisses went higher until her mouth was against the other girls wet cunt. He could sense her uncertainty even as he encouraged her with words and firm touches. He placed a hand in her hair and pressed her deeper into the girls heat. Her back arched slightly as his pet’s confidence grew and her touch became more knowing.

He stood up and got behind his slave…he had the urge to cane her as she pleasured this other girl. He decided on a small cane, a whippy one that he knew she both loved and hated. He bent and whispered in her ear that she was such a good girl and that she should continue what she was doing until he told her to stop. Then he put a hard hand in her hair and pulled her head away ignoring the disappointed moan from the other girl at the sudden absence of her pleasure source. He knew he was pulling her hair and didn’t try to be gentle as he held her head against his chest. His heartbeat was loud in her ear as he told her that he wanted her to keep her mouth on her friends cunt…that he was going to cane her now. Hard. And he told her that no matter what she better not stop….no matter hard it was…no matter what she was feeling…she must not stop.

And she didn’t. Every time the cane came down across her bottom she whimpered or moaned into the other girl…the slight muffled sound urged him on. It made him want to give her more and more but finally he knew he had to stop. He didn’t think she could take much more and either could he. Both girls were breathless…and he couldn’t wait a moment longer for his own release.

He was for once unsure of what to do next…so many possibilities. So many choices at his fingertips.

What would you do?

bdsm · bondage · caning · D/s · restraints · Richard · spanking

“Arch your back”

“Arch your back” he whispered to me after placing me just how he wanted me against the wall. My forearms were flat against the rough surface and my legs were spread slightly. Not quite enough. “Wider.” He said. His hands and lips trailed down my neck and back leaving me shivering with need and anticipation. He can be startlingly tender and gentle and seems to know just when I need that. He can also be frightfully demanding and rough with me. It goes without saying that he seems to know just when I need that too.
On this day he knew exactly what I needed. I had just returned from a trip for work and he met me at the airport. I was exhausted but still excited to see him.
Once we were alone he sat on the foot of the bed and pulled me over so I was standing in front of him. His hands glided up and down my legs and traveled quickly beneath my skirt where he caressed my bottom through my panties, his fingers pressing and kneading into my skin. I like this part. It is calming to me as I get to see and feel his tenderness. It is an interesting combination, so gentle yet so deliberate, so intentional. In my field of work we often say it is the process not the product that matters. It is the same with Richard and the more I allow myself to open up to him the more I see it. The process is most interesting to him because he is already very much aware of the product or the outcome- that being unconditional obedience. Ms. Anna once tried to explain to me before I even met Richard, back when I was still trying to talk Mark out of making me meet him, that when Richard walks into a room you have no doubt he is very much in control. I saw that right away. It is an attitude, a demeanor that can’t be described without being witness to it.

Without straying too far from my point….not too long ago I received an email from someone who visited my blog. I had written about an especially arousing yet obviously painful and intense experience with Mark. The email asked how on earth I was able to tolerate such treatment from a man. I had to laugh because the word ‘tolerate’ never comes to mind now and it never entered my mind then either.

So where was I? Oh…..that’s right….his hands up my skirt with me trying to figure out what was next. (I think I am tolerating this quite well). Anyway…I had a feeling this session with him was going to be different. There was just something in the air I suppose. I should back up…… I’ll get back to being pressed against the wall in a second. Before that happened I told him that I felt like I should shower because I had been in the air all morning. He said that was fine but first he wanted to spank me. *sigh* So I ‘tolerated’ being pulled across his lap and then I ‘tolerated’ having his hand smooth down the back of my skirt so it was placed just right. He began to spank me over my skirt and after only a few seconds I was wriggling around. It hurt!
For some reason you Doms think that a thin piece of cotton allows for a much harder spanking opportunity. After a few minutes he stopped and pulled me up. This is something new. It is this process that he seems to enjoy (again, I am tolerating this) where he will spank me in different stages of undress. First over my skirt and then up goes my skirt and he spanks me again across my panties, (love this…… btw). And then of course the panties have to eventually come down, but never the whole way down. They just sort of sit and decorate the backs of my thighs. There is something quite erotic about being across his knee and having my panties in this suspended animated state where they aren’t quite on and they aren’t quite off. It changes your state of mind, and I find that with every transition in regards to my clothing my state of mind shifts. I am learning that sub space has many levels and perhaps I begin to enter into this mystical place quite independently as I anticipate the experience. By the time all of my clothing is off my body I am quite warmed up and ready for whatever comes next. Usually.
I remember today just felt different. I was exhausted and had a slight headache and I knew I would have less tolerance for any sort of pain than I typically would. I was worried that he would ask too much, that I wouldn’t be able to meet his expectations. I also knew he was kind enough to call the meeting off if I told him I wasn’t 100% and I really wanted to see him! So I didn’t say anything, looking back now I realize I should have –not that the day didn’t turn out extraordinary but if only for the reason that if I am not 100% I can’t give him 100% and that is what he expects.

So thoroughly spanked I was sent off to take my shower. The shower helped and I am sure the spanking induced endorphins flooding my blood stream had something to do with my improved mood.

After my shower I stepped back into the room with a towel on. He gave me that ‘drop the towel’ look. I hear they teach that in Dom school.
Anyway…..so when I came back in the room he was waiting for me.
He said, “Come here.” And that combination of words in that voice is on my top ten list of things I like to hear. I think I will have to post that list here one day!
Obediently, I went to him and he led me to the wall where he told me to turn around and face it. This is where I started the post. I really needed to write about this because I feel like I have so many new experiences I am losing some things I needed to write about.
So I am standing there against the wall still damp from my shower waiting for him to touch me, or cane me or do whatever he wanted to my body. I only had to wait a second before I felt the first slash of his cane. I knew it was coming. I saw him pick it up, I heard him swish it through the air, and I felt him nudge my already open legs apart with it.
One after the other they came down on my skin and after just a half dozen or so I was as close to asking him to stop as he has ever had me. It was a hard caning with a heavy, thick cane. (as I sit here thinking of it I find that I am getting terribly aroused…I don’t get it, do I actually like pain or something…lol!).
I remember trying to dig my fingernails into the wall. I was thinking at that point that it is much easier to take a caning when a) you are bent over something and b) you are lying down. Standing makes me feel more, especially when I am standing straight up and not even bent over at the waist. I feel everything when I take it that way; it is much, much harder. Am I the only one who feels that way, I wonder?
Richard does a wonderful job of balancing the pain and the pleasure for me. He has made it a priority of his to learn my body, my responses, and my reactions so he can tell when I am on the verge of asking him to stop and when I am on the verge of orgasm. Of course I know him stopping before he is ready isn’t going to happen but he will slow down and talk me through what he is doing. He will also give me pleasure at the same time he offers pain…the hardest thing is trying to keep it clear in my mind where one starts and the other begins. After a while I realize the two are so closely mixed it doesn’t matter, both are intense and one supports the other. The pleasure is a distraction allowing my mind to be able to absorb the pain and then in turn change the pain into the best sort of pleasure. And that is what was happening at that moment. I guess he grew bored with caning my bottom because he changed to another cane, a lighter one, and began to cane me across my back…not too hard at first but gradually it grew and spread into something that was pretty hard for me to stay on top of. Again just when I was ready to beg him to stop he would touch me and stroke me until I was begging for something entirely different.
He never allowed me to stray too far from the pain or the pleasure. I felt frustrated and not quite sure of what I needed. Only that I needed something to make it all better…or worse… (?). I remember turning my head to one side and closing my eyes. I allowed the pain to travel lower as I pulled it down into something I could handle…I made it into something good. With each stroke I tingled inside with the rush running through me. It was hot and intense and I welcomed the cane on my skin as much as I welcomed his hand and fingers pressing into me. I have often wondered if the human brain can become confused when there are so much contradicting sensations. Thoughts like this can pull me suddenly from the gentle grip of subspace and all too soon I felt the pain as it truly was……pain. I was barely holding on when he told me to turn around. He lifted my hands above my head and at this point I am pretty sure they were tied together. He told me he was going to cane the fronts of my thighs….and I have never, ever cried from being caned but for some reason just the thought of that brought tears right to the backs of my eyes. Though they never turned into official tears it stuck with me how close I came. I stood there and closed my eyes knowing how hard it was going to be, knowing that it was going to be incredibly painful, knowing that I would do it. Knowing that somewhere behind the tears, behind the plea to stop I wanted it. He knew I wanted it.
He changed canes once again and I refused to watch him, I didn’t want to see what he was planning on using on this most sensitive past of my body. I knew it would be OK, I did trust him after all. So I stood there as he picked out a perfect cane to use on my thighs. The first stroke was hard, harder than I would have expected for him to deliver there. I swear the second one was even harder. I felt my skin swell into two even welts and I felt a damp flush cross over all of my skin. I was ready to stop. I had turned my head away from him not wanting to know if he was finished or if he was planning on a dozen more. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway.
My legs trembled beneath me and I hated I was showing weakness. I felt his hand circle my throat and he tilted my head up so I was looking at him. He squeezed slightly and asked me if I was alright. I closed my eyes and barely nodded my head Yes.
‘Good girl.” He said easing the pressure. “Take one more for me.”
Again I nodded knowing it didn’t matter, it wasn’t a question so much as a statement. The last stroke caused me to gasp aloud and clutch at him searching for a support that was already there. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, his hands exploring my body until all thoughts of unmanageable pain were gone.
He literally held me up as he played with me…it was an amazing experience and things seem to be getting more and more intense the more we see each other. And the rest of the day was like that…intense and meaningful. It is nice to have the chance to learn so much about myself….this has all been so unexpected.

What a crazy journey.

bdsm · breath play · caning · D/s · restraints · Story

“Ask me”

“You know what I want you to say. Say it. ”
He was behind her holding the cane down by his side. His hand was spanning the small of her back applying just enough pressure to make sure she was arching just so….
“Ask for it.”
She was on her hands and knees in the middle of his bed. Her hands were tangled in the dark silky sheets. Around her neck he had looped a rope. The knot was pressing into her skin and every time she moved it was harder to breath, not so much because it was tightening but because the potential was there. He had tied the other end of the rope to the headboard of the bed. He was going to cane her hard and this was one way to help her stay still and focused.
“Ask for it.” His voice was patient. This would be hard on her, he could afford to be patient. She was silent. Her breathing blended with his and it filled the room.
“Please Sir, please cane me. ”
“Ask me again, I don’t think you quite meant that. ”
“No, I do Sir, please cane me. I want you to, I mean it.” There was an edge of panic to her voice that he recognized as a growing nervousness. What he didn’t recognize was if the panic stemmed from the fear he would stop or from the fear that he wouldn’t.

” You know that if you move, if you struggle the rope is going to get tighter. Be still. No matter what.”
As he spoke he looped a finger between the rope and the softness of her skin and pulled. He heard her breath catch and she struggled slightly before he relaxed his hand. He watched her closely as he did it again, and then again each time blocking her air for just a second. He liked toying with her, liked knowing that even in her strong submission she still feared what he could do.

He turned and walked away from her and she fought the urge to allow her eyes to follow him. She heard a rustle and knew he was getting something from his bag. An instant later he was standing behind her his hand between her legs rubbing hard circles against her. She moaned and pressed back against his hand realizing right away the rope became tighter. Her brain was a flurry of activity as she dealt with the incoming sensations that his hand was giving her. The urge to move and follow the lead of her own body was as strong his warning to hold still.
She felt his other hand touch her and a second later she felt the pressing pain of a wooden clothes pin pinching into her tender skin. She cried out from the quick unexpected pain but managed to hold still. First one and then another….he applied them slowly never stopping the circling motion of his first hand. The heady combination between pain and pleasure had her on the brink of orgasm quicker than she expected. He would never let her so soon she thought but he recognized her need and whispered to her to cum for him. “Cum now.” he said as he continued to apply the pins. Her orgasm was strong and she felt it intensly as she struggled dgain to maintain the position the rope and her sheer will was holding her in. He continued to apply the clothes pins until there were three on each side, she could see them hanging. She liked how they looked.
She heard them rubbing together as his fingers played in the wetness between them. Her breathing was fast and shallow as she tried to stay on top of the pain. He added one more clip, right in the center where she was the most sensitive. Now when his other hand touched her he tugged at the pins. Everytime his hand brushed over one she squirmed deeper into his hand.
It took everything she had to not brush them away, to not beg him to take them off. It was a hard pinching pain that slowly spread over her body spiraling into a deep, deep pleasure. He reached around her and added a pin to each nipple flicking each one with a fingertip first. Her entire body felt hot and damp as she tried so hard to maintain the position he had her in. The rope was tight around her neck and she felt him run a swift finger beneath it making sure it wasn’t too tight for him to go on.

He could tell she was struggling with the position but he also knew that she had turned the corner from pain to pleasure and that pleased him because it was his intention to cane her. She could take more if she were already deeply in sub space.
“Good girl.” he whispered into the damp skin of her shoulder as he moved towards the side of the bed. He stood there at her side and lined the cane up against her naked bottom. He thought for a moment about removing the clothes pins before caning her but decided against it. He knew the longer he left them on the harder it would be on her when he finally removed them. He liked that. The cane felt heavy in his hand. He had showed it to her earlier right before he looped the rope around her neck. He remembered how she had looked scared. He liked that too.
The cane he had chosen was made of a heavy plastic, it had a thin steel rod in the center making it less whippy and pliable than what she was used to. He would have to monitor his strokes, he didn’t want to break her skin. Not yet.

He brushed the cane against her bottom and then lower against the backs of her thighs. She instinctively arched her back in preparation for the stroke she knew was coming. Resting a hand once again on the curve of her back he tapped her gently with the cane.

“Ask me one more time.”

D/s · life lessons · Richard and Ms. Anna

Reflections

I read something a long time ago that at the time I didn’t fully agree with. It was a statement and no doubt written by a man that said most if not all women had the ability to manipulate. I never really thought of myself as a manipulator, of course I do have my ways of getting just what I want. But to me that is survival of the fittest more than it is manipulation.

But that isn’t even what I am talking about here tonight.

I am talking about Richard and Ms. Anna and how I tried to manipulate the two of them. It wasn’t done consciously. I didn’t realize I was doing it and to be quite truthful I do not even remember the exact circumstances surrounding the event. I know I had plans to meet with Ms. Anna and I had changed the time and then the date and then the time again until I am pretty sure she was quite frustrated with me especially since she had made arrangements for me to be introduced to a friend of hers. Once we finally set the date and our plans were confirmed I realized I was feeling a little ‘put out’ (you can tell I’m back in the south.)

 I won’t go into the exact details of why I felt that way but I did and it carried over into my conversation with her and then with Richard. I complained to Richard about what Ms. Anna wanted me to do. I am not sure what I expected. Pity? Understanding? I got neither. What I got was an email from Richard stressing his displeasure with my attitude. He insisted I call Ms. Anna right away and apologize to her, he said he would talk to me about it later.
Right away my first response was irritation. After all I hadn’t meant to come across whiny or pouty and the points that had put me into that mood were valid.
I tried to push the entire situation out of my head and go on with my day. I realized quickly it wasn’t going to be that easy. This was the first time that Richard was upset with me. Even though I was at work and we hadn’t talked in person that day I knew the tone of his email.

I walk every day around the campus of where I work and during that time I usually have my ipod and I just enjoy the trails but today during my walk I found myself quieter….my steps slower. I didn’t like how I was feeling. I didn’t like that I had tried to manipulate the two of them. I realized I was terribly distracted and upset and for no other reason than the fact Richard was disappointed in me. First of all, I certainly didn’t expect to care so soon if he was happy with me or not… yet I did. Secondly I was really able to see very clearly what I had done and how it could possibly take away from the dynamic of our relationship. The expectations between the three of us have been laid out very clearly and I am not quite sure why parts of me still rebel against a bit of authority, or at least authority when I find it inconvenient.
So…I placed my call to Ms. Anna and gave her a sincere apology. She accepted it with the same grace she has always shown me. I was truly sorry for my attitude and I think she realized that.
As far as Richard well…I knew he would deal with me later. I couldn’t get it out of my mind that I had let him down especially over something that seemed so silly to me now. Later that evening we were talking and he was telling me again what his expectations were of me….I didn’t have too much to say but he did. I really listened to him because I know he has a pretty good handle on what makes this sort of relationship work. He wanted me to learn from my mistake and in my head I was screaming that I already had. Hadn’t the fact that I had let them down clung with me all afternoon. I wanted the chance to make it right and I knew that whatever he decided I would accept. I also knew Richard well enough by now to know that whatever punishment he decided on would NOT be physical. Physical ‘punishment’ to me is pure pleasure and not something that should have negative feelings attached to it.
He had sent me sentence that I was to type in my blog 100 times saying I wouldn’t try to manipulate them again. He thought it would give me time to reflect. We were discussing that when it popped out of my mouth that my real punishment, my true punishment was how I felt all day knowing he was disappointed in me. Richard realized right away how sincere I was and I think because of that he knew I had been punished enough. He told me not to even bother writing the lines…I had enough time to reflect. He wanted me to write about the experience in my blog instead.

I find it interesting that sometimes my two worlds brush so closely against each other. I am such an independent person. I can’t be told what to do and I usually get my own way one way or the other. In this part of my life and it was like this with Mark before… I give all that away. I don’t have to lead or make decisions. I don’t want or expect to get what I want. I expect to get what I need and I get that in offering my submission. I can only get what I need if I truly offer my submission, 100% of the time not just when I am in the mood or it’s fun but all the time..meeting each task and expectation all the way.

That is the only way this will work. And that ultimately is what I want.

Richard

Details

So…if you read the comments on my last post you’ll see Richard was asking for details regarding a discrepancy between what I remember happening when we saw each other Wednesday and what he remembers….

Let’s see this may be hard because looking back much of my communication with him (other than all the little pleasurable whimpering sounds I make 🙂 ) are of me pleading with him. Sometimes it may be to stop, sometimes it may be to please, please don’t stop. I speak very little when he is dominating me…except when he requires I speak. You know… like when he makes me tell him what he is doing to me…or when he tells me to tell him that I like something when I am not quite sure yet that I do…I keep waiting for him to ask me to ask him to cane me harder because Ms. Anna says he is known to require that.

Where was I..oh I was saying that I am usually pretty silent…Not because he doesn’t want me to talk but I am finding that he can put me into sub space quicker than I could have ever imagined. I want to explore this one day with a more in depth post but my preliminary thoughts tell me it is because he is so physical. He maneuvers my entire body where he wants me…his words mess with my head and his mouth and hands do amazing things to my body. He is also quite the sadist and the pain he will inflict on my body pushes me far away from everything around me…yet ironically enough closer to him.
Sorry…I have trouble staying on topic…back to what I was begging for….

This particular time even I wasn’t sure what I was begging for. I remember him kneeling between my legs…it was right after he made me spread them for him. Placing a hand on both of my ankles he opened my legs telling me he wanted to help get me past my shyness. It is hard to be opened up like that, even harder when he just wants to spend a moment or so looking.
It was right after he touched me and I tried to stop him..I tried to close myself to him (there are certain places on my body that I have trouble with him touching…it still feels like a violation of my body and allowing him access to that part of me is tough…it doesn’t help that he loves it..:)) and he said something along the lines of …”Now is not the time to fight me….” and it was NOT in his ‘speak softly philosophy voice’ …..it was after all of that. He had his hand on me, and his finger was in that part of me that I still struggle with. His thumb was higher pressing inside of me, circling around in my wetness. I remember being worried that I was so wet…wetter than I thought I should be…(don’t laugh Richard).
I wanted to cum so badly but it was almost as if my body was ready to let me down….I was covered in my own wetness and in my own sweat. I was exhausted. The room was so hot and I know Richard was too. As I got closer and closer to release I was able to find my words to ask him…”please, please may I cum” (does that count as a beg to you?) If my memory serves me correctly he made me ask again..and again..before finally saying yes. But even his yes had some added erotic features because he went on to tell me…and this was using his ‘speak softly philosophy’…he told me that I could cum now..and that I should remember that I wasn’t doing it for myself…that my orgasm was for him. It was his and not my own.
So I clung to him as I orgasmed for him again..and again.

Later…much later because I am totally leaving out the best part….I think I was ready to beg him to stop. He had emailed me earlier in the week and told me that he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday. He couldn’t wait to use my body. (I know…I love to hear sentences like that!) And that is just how I felt…wonderfully and totally drained and used. I was exhausted… I ached everywhere even though this session with Richard involved very little ‘hard pain’ (though that new birch switch really stung)…I was beat. So the session (almost :)) ended with me falling asleep curled against him. He has the most wonderful way of holding me right against his side…I felt safe and cared for and drifted away holding onto those feelings with the sweetest little nap ever.

 So…..Richard, is that enough details to jog your memory. Maybe you were in ‘Dom space’ again and you just forgot…:). I love begging you. I love not knowing if you will allow me to cum or will you simply prolong my pleasure/pain to prolong your amusement.

Wasn’t it an amazing afternoon?