M. · Richard and Ms. Anna

You’ll have days like that…..

Ok, I’ll admit it. I miss Mark. A lot. It’s hard knowing we are staying away from each other because we have convinced ourselves it is for the best. I mean, I know it is for the best…but why do I still feel so bad about the whole thing?
I was doing just fine and then I got a silly email from that lovely B&B in Pittsburgh. You know, the one we stayed at together several months ago. It included this downloadable brochure and a friendly reminder to “come back and see us”…and one of the pictures in the brochure was of our room. Pathetic, isn’t it. I was flooded with images of that time together…I don’t think it ever climbed above 1o degrees the entire time we were togther and the snow…it snowed the entire time. Big white flakes that clung to us as we braved the streets to explore the city together. It was beautiful and so was he. I think that is what I miss so much…that feeling of being with him, of being his. And I have come so far but I have also come to the realization that what I am doing now I do for myself and it in no way diminishes what I feel for Mark. And while I move past the pain of letting him go I will never get past my feelings for him. I just strive to get to the place in my head (and in my heart) where it doesn’t hurt so much. It’s close..I can feel it and I know I have come through this as positive as what I have because of Richard and Ms. Anna who have been a constant means of support as I go up and down in the process of healing my heart. Like I said I know the day is near where it won’t be as raw. It has to be soon, right? I can’t quite touch it yet but it’s right there.

11 thoughts on “You’ll have days like that…..

  1. Come on, Doc, she’s only human; take it easy on the woman. We all get past our difficulties in our own way. The fact that she has the balls to share it out here show her substance.

  2. It does take time… sometimes a LONG time, Even though my life is good right now after leaving my “M”, I still think of him and it still hurts. I wish it wouldn’t. I have it sooo much better now.

  3. Dr.Dom…I’m ignoring this one. 🙂
    That would be nice darkpixie……soon!!
    *hugs to you too…
    Ron…always my defender..:)…you rock.
    Mina…you do know and that helps. Our situations are similiar and it is nice to know you feel you are in a better situation! Thanks!

  4. It’s hard to get through feelings like this. It helps if you’re sure that you’ve made the right choice, though. But one can’t help wishing, and dreaming…:-)

  5. DrD, perhaps I do.
    Then again, perhaps I don’t but I am closer to it, and if you knew everything that I know you’d be in the same place that I am.
    Either is possible; maybe both are true.

    Hey, pixie – you know how *I* feel about this and about your amazing strength, and I just want to remind you that you’ll also have days like yesterday.

  6. eve…sounds like you have been there. Wishing and dreaming is easy part…not ‘curling’ up with it (as Richard would say) is the hard part.

  7. Richard~~
    don’t mention yesterday…I just now have my feet back on the ground.
    Days like yesterday don’t come around too often…thank you for that. 🙂

    I have no complaints about your patience…of course that one time yesterday I felt you could have been a bit more patient with me….still no complaints…:)

  8. ah, yesterday… I keep expecting someone to look into my office and ask why I am staring at the wall with a big smile on my face.

    I can only think of a handful of times I have shown impatience with you. Most of them you’ve blogged about – the email re: manipulating me and Ms. Anna, my pushing your hand away (which wasn’t even impatience – more like a firm reminder), and just briefly yesterday. You learn fast and you haven’t tested my patience, so you have not seen much of that side of me. And as I have told you, it was only that I don’t want to have to repeat the learning process again and again – once we’ve been through it, worked through the resistance, talked about it afterward, then I expect to see progress the next time, not starting over at square one. Another example that you might remember going forward – so far I have responded toward your reluctance to say something, by refusing to do it until you say it. So when I say “tell me that you like it when I do ‘x'” and you won’t say it, I just won’t do ‘x’ until you say it. Don’t expect that to continue forever. Sooner or later, I will be more insistent on you saying it, and saying it now. As in NOW – immeidate and unquestioning obedience. I know it is hard for you, and that earns you my patience, but we are at a point where “its hard” isn’t enough and my patience will be less in evidence. Never forget that the other half of “speak softly” is “carry a big stick.”

  9. Honey, your have every right to miss M, you every right to every emotion you feel about or to do with M, but each day you grow, you learn and you move away from what was M to what will be, and in this strength, and in these trial of subconsciousness/consciousness, you blossom, you open your heart, mind, body and soul to what may come…..be that from Richard or Ms Anna.
    you, yourself grow into the woman/submissive your heart longs to be…
    Stay true to yourself, stay true to your heart and let those that know where you want to be guide you…for all else pales in comparison.
    Your a true gem pixie, live long and strong as the woman/submissive you are…
    there are sure as hell going to bends in the road babe, it’s how we tackle those bends, that lead us onwards and upwards..after all… Life is a Journey,not a Destination.

    ~Namaste~

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