Richard had a small pile of ropes stacked on the bed. I took a deep breath before giving him that questioning look that asked…what in the world do we need all of those for? I guess part of me had an idea. A couple of days before I was laying beside him as he tugged and pulled on my nipples….it was the hard nipple play that I love only gentled by his lips touching my own every few seconds. We were both relaxed…just talking as he attempted to slowly bring me down from a more intense scene. Richard said. “Someday I am going to bind your breasts…tight.” as he told me this his hands showed me how the ropes would criss -cross across and then go under them. He also showed me how he would run the rope down between my legs and up my back. He told me he would loop the rope around my neck. As he said this as his hand squeezed my throat…holding it there until I struggled against his hand searching for a breath.
So when I saw the ropes I knew what was coming. I felt that tight clench between my legs. He had me sit on the bed. “Put your hands on the back of your head.” he said. Once my hands and arms were out of his way he began to wrap the white rope around my chest crossing over and going between my breasts. It was tight..so tight I was tempted..so tempted to ask him to loosen it. I didn’t quite like the way it made me feel like I couldn’t take a full breath. Still..the tightness gave me a secure, safe feeling and I found myself weighing the pros and cons. I then realized it wouldn’t have mattered if I asked him to loosen my bonds. He wouldn’t. He knew what he was doing and I knew what he was doing so I decided to trust him. My nipples grew darker as the binding became tighter and I loved how he nipped at each of them and flicked them with his fingers until I cried out. He just played with me for several minutes before telling me to stand in the middle of the bed so he could finish.
I looked down at his skilled hands as he wrapped me up. I like watching him tie me up…I like the feeling of him holding my foot as he wraps a rope around my ankle or cuffs my wrists together. I particularly like how his fingers brush the sensitive part of my neck as he slowly and carefully wraps a rope around my neck. I think I am liking this rope play. Once my breasts were tied he added another rope, looping it between my breasts and running it down my smooth stomach and between my legs. The instant friction of the rough rope against my sensitive skin was not as easy to adjust to as I thought. It felt foreign…like an evil prickly thong with a life of it’s own. This rope went up my back and then wrapped around my neck. It was tight and once it was all tied together I couldn’t move without forcing the rope to press into me harder or tighten around my neck.
I remember a slight groan escaping me as he lifted me down pressing me against him for a second before bending me across the bed. He turned away and returned with a medium sized cane. Richard started to tap me with it across my bottom and down the backs of my legs. The harder it got the more I squirmed, the more I squirmed the more uncomfortable the ropes became. I felt myself grow impatient for the taps to become harder…I wanted to feel the bite of the cane. I lifted myself up a bit showing him I was ready. He put his hand in my hair and pulled my hair turning my head towards him roughly.
“You are a submissive cunt, aren’t you?”
I could barely nod his hand was so tight in my hair, the rope bit into my neck and I said “Yes Sir.”
“Say it, tell me you are a submissive cunt. My submissive cunt.”
I swallowed hard trying to get the fear of uttering those words down over the tight ropes around my neck. After that I didn’t hesitate.
“I am a submissive cunt.”
He said pressing my head down into the bed. He began to cane me harder then before and soon the strokes were fast and close together. I stretched my hands out in front of me and drifted…. savoring the foggy high of the pain coursing through my body…the blue lights I saw flashing behind my closed eyes…the hot wetness I felt drip out of me. I imagined the thick rope soaking up my juices. I ached with need…I was eager for the cane against my skin. Thrilled with the fear every time I saw him draw his arm up to deliver another blow.
It seemed the cane was landing harder than it ever had before. I started to struggle more with each stroke and at one point I remember dropping down onto my knees and pressing me head against the side of the bed. “Please.” I remember whispering. His voice was patient when he told me to get back into my position. Not easy to do bound as I was. He rested the cane against my back. “When you are ready…arch your back.” My brain screamed at how incredibly bad this was going to be….I was at the point of needing him to stop. He wasn’t finished with me yet and now I had to ask for it. Even asking with my body and not my words was hard. It took me several long seconds before I had the courage to do as he asked. The stroke was hard, so hard I heard it coming..(or at least imaigned I did!). I cried out and again I think dropped out of position. He said it again. “When you are ready for the next stroke…arch your back for me.” This time I think it took longer for me to do it. The next time was even longer. I was amazed at how far inside myself I had to reach to offer him my body for another stroke. Finally he tossed the cane down on the bed beside me.
I barely remember him pulling me further up on the bed and telling me to lie flat. I felt his hand pull the rope out of the way baring my wet cunt and ass to his view. Richard’s fingers entered me filling me up completely. I felt a coolness on his hand I realized he was applying lubricant to my ass… his finger pressing it deep inside me so I could take him this way. I find this so invasive…humiliating…it is something that I have limited experience with. Something that I know provides him far more pleasure than me..yet….that in itself is erotic to me. It is hard for me to submit to this and I felt the fog of my subspace begin to lift as I felt him press against me. He told me to press back..and it hit me too late what he meant. He had instructed me before that the initial entry is made easier if I push out a bit allowing myself to open up naturally for him. When he said this I pressed into him and when I did I think he was inside me before I was ready. I felt myself pull and stretch and I was uncomfortable with the fullness that I felt. Suddenly it seemed I was overcome with feelings I didn’t like. It wasn’t the good kind of pain anymore. I felt rattled, unprepared for what had just happened. I tried to remember something that Richard and I had just discussed. He was telling me that my submission falters when there is less pleasure in it for me…and he is trying very patiently to teach me that it is this other type of submission that is just as important. That being the submission that is purely for his pleasure.
I tried so hard to quiet myself. I pressed my head into the cool sheet and clutched at the edge of the bed. I could hear my own whimpers in my ears and I longed for that warm safe feeling I felt right after the caning. All I felt now was pain….humiliation of having him inside of me like this….fear of failing him. My mind was flooded with sensations as I tried so hard to convert the pain into something else. I had tensed up…I knew he wasn’t hurting me for the sake of hurting me. He told me later he was irritated because what he was asking me to do wasn’t anything too hard…wasn’t anything we had not done before. I wasn’t able to control my reactions, I wasn’t able to make my own feelings secondary. He doesn’t expect a struggle…he doesn’t want to fight me into submission. I know I struggled against him, I know I fought him. I felt his hand reach around and stroke me but my body stubbornly refused to acknowledge the pleasure of his hand. He started talking to me…telling me what he was doing… telling me to ask him to continue what he was doing. I struggled with that, saying those words that he kept insisting I repeat.
“Ask me to fuck you in the ass.”
I said it. “Say it again.”
I said it. It is hard to say something when you really want the opposite..when I really want to beg him to stop. I hated the pathetic little cries I was making as I felt him press deeper and deeper into my body.
“Say it again.”
I couldn’t. It wasn’t even that I wanted the scene to stop. In my head I was trying to go to the place where pain doesn’t matter and his pleasure stands taller than everything else. My body failed me and I was failing him. I shook my head into the bed and moaned…three simple words but I wasn’t strong enough to make myself say them.
“Say it again.”
This time my moan formed the word “No.”
His voice was as close to angry as I had ever heard when he pulled my head back. Now I could barely breath. “Don’t ever say ‘No’ to me. You know that rule.” And I had, so when he pushed my head back into the bed and his hand slapped me hard first on one hip and then the other I wasn’t surprised at his reaction. I was close to tears but fought that release…not quite sure if my tears would be for myself or because I had disappointed him. I hated that feeling and it put me right over the edge into really wanting this scene to be over.
I felt him pull out of me and roll over on his side. He pulled me against him and held me for just a minute before he began to take the ropes off. He was upset with me, disappointed that I had so little self control. I felt awful…he had taught me so much and I truly felt as if I had failed him and myself on this day. The way he removed the ropes was the only evidence of his irritation, when he spoke to me I heard a soft compassion that I absolutely love about him. He asked me what went wrong here? Where was my head? But most importantly he asked if I was alright. He covered me up and held me tightly to his side.
I guess I can’t really explain what happened. It was an emotional day for other reasons..I was tired…not 100 percent and just wasn’t able to give him everything I should have been able to give him.
I knew he would deal with the fact I said No to him later……but for now he understood that I couldn’t do it…getting through whatever emotional resistance I put up against him wasn’t worth him completing this act.
He was able to offer me exactly what I needed at that moment. I was struck by how I had proved to not be such a good submissive this particular afternoon but he was still able to be the perfect Dom. And I am not just saying that to get myself out of being in trouble for saying No….that happened pretty quickly after the fact. I say that because unlike me he was able to put something else over his own needs. That taught me a valuable lesson and the consequences of my actions deserves a post of it’s own.