life lessons · M. · Ms. Anna · Richard

Thoughts on blogging

 Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to yourself  is far, far greater. ”
~ Nicholas Evans

I have scared myself the past couple of days. I have avoided my blog. I haven’t wanted to write. I haven’t checked my comments or my stats…I haven’t even really read all the wonderful blog friends I am linked to. For the past couple days I have seriously thought about not writing anymore. I thought maybe I should just sort of go away for awhile. I am not sure why I feel this way..like I said I scared myself because I get so much pleasure out of writing about my feelings and experiences…fantasies and thoughts. Not to mention the wonderful, strong people who read me and offer me their strength through their own words and comments. I have learned so much about my own submission while reading about others like me…I hope you feel the same about me. I have learned so much about myself.
Do you ever just feel like you need to not share so much….I’m not sure what to do. I’d miss you all so much. And I am certainly not lacking for inspiration. I am on the cusp of learning so many new things and still have so much to tell you.
I feel this hardened block around me right now like my words aren’t flowing naturally. Maybe it’s because Richard is traveling this week…or we just had an argument about him not wanting me to talk to M or maybe it’s because I have lost a really good friend in Ms. Anna. I want my blog to be a place full of my positive thoughts and accountings of my submissive growth that is not coming across in my writing right now. Right now it is an archive full of where M and I were….proof of what we shared. It makes me sad. I need to rearrange my thoughts regarding my blog so that I want to come here and share my new experiences with the same enthusiasm and delight that I did before. How do I do that?
Not writing here anymore isn’t going to give me M back….it isn’t going to help Richard see I am strong enough to see M without falling apart. It isn’t going to make Ms. Anna be my friend again…so I am not sure where my head is. I am not sure what to do…I do know that if I can’t write about the positive I won’t write at all. I can’t live behind a cloud…not when there is so much sunshine on the other side. The loss part of “love, loss and spanking” pretty much sucks.

16 thoughts on “Thoughts on blogging

  1. there is no way i could read this and not comment. i don’t know you well enough to give any advice, but i want to send you an internet hug and all my blog-friend support because it sounds like you need it, even if you go away for a while.

    i’m sorry this loss is so difficult and i offer what i humbly can.

  2. Take your time, dear pixiepie. Your readers will understand if you need a breather. It happens to us all. But we hope you find that writing your blog will continue to be a source of strength and encouragement for you.

  3. I know exactly what you mean.

    Don’t write if you don’t feel like it. You’ll know when you feel like it again. Just cause you don’t write about ‘it’ doesn’t make ‘it’ more or less valid. You don’t need validation from us, we’ll wait for you to feel like writing again 🙂

    –[milla]

  4. Pixiepie, I’ve been reading for a couple of months and must admit I’ve loved the recent posts of your experiences with Richard. I don’t have a blog but I realize it must be very personal and intimate to you. While I so enjoy getting turned on by your erotic experiences, I also silently share in your feelings of sadness and loss. I’m sure most of us can relate.

    You mention that if you can’t write about the positive then you won’t write at all. I write to myself when I’m upset or angry and I find it helps a great deal. I’m sure your readers will respect any decision you make. In my humble opinion, your blog is for you, whatever that means to you. You are not just a source of entertainment for the rest of to enjoy. You are free to write about happiness, sadness, anger, however you decide, whatever feels right to you.

    Good luck in dealing with your feelings, and I do hope it gets easier quickly.

  5. Pixie,

    I am a daily reader and I was just wondering why Ms. Anna and you are no longer friends. The last I read she gave you a hug and a kiss goodbye and all was well?

    I hope you find a way to continue the blog, I love to hear stories are you with Richard.

  6. pixie you have a lot of support here and while sometimes the temptation to bury your head in the sand is strong I hope you decide to stay with us. It gets easier and your readers have noticed a returning spirit from you, at least I have.
    I agree with sweetness. I enjoy your reading through your good times and your bad times.

  7. pixiepie- i understand the urge to not write…not having inspiration…or just not wanting to share. that is all natural and if you dont want to write then dont. you only share what you can and want to…i just hope that you come back to us here as we all love you.

    i am here for you always my pixie friend!

  8. Well.. it certainly seems like there is a lot going on. No wonder you aren’t in the mood to write! Take some time off. That’s ok. I know I did… and I also came back as a new self. Do what feels good to you. If you want to write.. then write.. if you want to take a break… then you should. We’ll be here. *smile*

  9. wow, pixie, this outpouring of support has to make you feel really good.

    As I have already told you, I find it incredibly telling that when you don’t feel like writing, you write about it. Your solace comes from the very writing.

    Like everyone, I hope you keep doing it – for you, as you always have – and not for our entertainment. (yes, we love to read it, but I think everyone understands that you are writing for you.) And if you continue to write but never post again, it will still be good for you and everyone will understand.

    You have such a resilience – you have the downs, but you pop back up spreading beautiful pixie dust on all of us. You are entitled to the downs, and to writing about them or not as you see fit. Write for you, my dear, the rest will fall into place.

  10. The selfish part of me says to encourage you to keep writing, because I have come to look forward to reading your thoughts everyday. The intensity with which you have been living – for the past two weeks especially – astounded me.

    i seem to relive the painful parts of my past over and over – and heavy feelings take hold of me, and try to drown me. its a hard thing to just find some quiet to figure it all out, to understand these feelings and why they come back. the better part of me hopes you find this out, sincerely and with all my heart. sometimes joy and happiness can be so hard to hold onto, and pain – loss – linger on, and sometimes theres no reason for it. you have such a heart though pixie, i cannot believe that the love for you, in you and around you will allow you to remain under this shadow for long. you feel things so deeply, grieve so hard, live so intensely-i hope you can find the quiet and calm to heal and be happy, with or without blogging. you are right – there is so much sunshine. I hope you can bask in it pixie! I will miss you, and feel for you.

  11. You said something that caught my attention. You said, “Right now it is an archive full of where M and I were…”, which makes me wonder if maybe starting a new blog wouldn’t release that weighted down feeling. That feeling of carrying the loss around.

    It was a thought I had when I read that and wanted to share it with you. I understand completely the work that goes into starting a blog, though, and that could be daunting.

    If you just need a rest, then take it. We’ll be here when/if you get back.

    I also want to add that your posts, your writing, is inspiring to me. As a writer and as a submissive. It’s not just hot, but it’s daring. The best kind of writing.

    Thanks.

    Eve

    Also, I keep wanting to tell you that I love Thomas Lux. I saw him read last year. He’s a funny guy. But an astonishing poet.

  12. my readers are amazing….and nothing short of inspiring. I needed your support this week and got it. Thank you all for encouraging my writing……for understanding my need to share all that I do here and for never, ever judging me.

    Ya’ll rock.

    And as I head out tonight for a mini beach vacation I will return next week (with a sweet tan) with a renewed spirit and a settled heart. Thank you all so very much for everything that you said to me and for everything you share with me through your own blogs for truly they are as precious as dreams because that is what they are filled with. Dreams and experiences that cause others to have the courage to do the same. I consider you all my friends.

  13. Pixiepie,

    I have a pretty good idea how you feel. I’ve definitely been to a similar place myself. Writing is living for me, but I sometimes reach the stage where I’m saturated. I just want to walk away.

    I haven’t done it yet, but someday I will. Those words have become almost a mantra. I can leave when I want, but perhaps it won’t be today.

    I refer to blogging as following the siren’s song. The pull of that wonderful feedback, those great friendships, and all of the warm support is compelling. It keeps me writing and renews my enthusiasm. But nothing can last forever.

    So the only question remaining is when is the right time. I want to think that I’ll recognize it when it arrives, at least I hope I will. In the meantime, let’s keep dreaming!

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

  14. Hi, honey…I have a different viewpoint here, and I’ve stayed away because of it. All I can say is this: I’ve lived my life by the creative impulse. It has fed and clothed me. It has given me immense joy and abject sorrow. It has offered my friendship to the world in ways that other avenues could not. Writing this blog is YOUR impulse. Whatever it is that’s on your mind, don’t ever stifle your creative process because of it. You can see here that it’s the thing that helps us all breathe.

    Take a deep one, honey. You know where I am.

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