Love is often gentle, desire always a rage. ~Mignon McLaughlin
I knew I had to write tonight. I woke up thinking about it. I have so much to say. So many things have happened, so many thoughts in my head. As I sit down in front of my computer the list compiled in my head of potential topics to write about is dwindling to a select few. I promised Richard that the only thing I wouldn’t write about tonight was Mark. I promise to catch everyone up on him later.
Yesterday I saw Richard. We had so much to talk about…so much to catch up..and so much stuff to do. I had been tormented all day with thoughts of what he was going to do to me. We had just spent 10 days apart as he was traveling and it was suprisingly (OK…not too surprising!) how difficult it was to have him gone. We were sort of lounging there together, very comfortable with each other. He had undressed me down to my panties very soon after I walked through the door and as I lay there by his side his fingers and lips were idly exploring my body as if he had only just discovered me. It was so nice to talk to him face to face after ten long days…IM and emails will never measure up to being together.
I knew this first meeting would go one of two ways. One he would be eager to Dominate me….anxious to hurt me. He gets such pleasure out of hurting me. I like that. Or he would go easy on me…I figured it would be the latter because we are spending the entire weekend together and it crossed my mind he would not want me too sore to serve him for the remainder of the week and into the weekend. It just goes to show how unpredictable those Dom’s are….. Before I knew it I was head down across his knees and he was spanking me very hard. I still had my panties on and after a few minutes he pulled them down so they rested mid thigh. He whispered something to me about that being the best place for my panties to be or something like that…my mind was concentrating on the pain of his hand. I told him today that there is something wonderful about the skin to skin contact of being over his knee. Having his hand directly deliver the pain to my body is different from any other sort of pain. It is more emotional, more intimate and it a strange way both harder and easier to accept. I like knowing he can hurt me through his own hands…not with a cane or a belt or with clamps or clips. It is his hands that are delivering the pain to my body. It enhances the feeling of being taken, of being owned. I find that all together very pleasant.
He pushed me off of his lap and then pulled me to my feet. I am still learning his moods and how to adapt my own actions and submission to meet his expectations. I like that as Dominate as he is…as sadistic as he is he is still able to show me incredible tenderness and nurturing. I think that many Dominants are not as comfortable with their own dominance in order to show that side of themselves. It is a conflicting feeling to have my bottom hot and burning from his hands to moments later having him press kisses over my face and lips. It is a natural process for him because that is his style of dominating me. It is the perfect blend of savage brutality…and tenderness. Sounds odd I know but to me it makes perfect sense. As he kissed me he whispered to me that he wanted to really hurt me tonight…that he was going to hurt me…that he knew he could do anything he wanted to do to me. Again..the combination of tenderness and brutality. To be called a slut…his slut between gentle kisses does strange things to my body. I was lost and shakey by the time he pulled away and set me away from him. He looked down at me and nodded towards a large stuffed chair in the room.“Go to that chair…..I want you to sit on the chair and face me. I want a leg over each arm. Show yourself to me” He wanted me open for him. Nothing reminds me of the hard side of him as quickly as him forcing me to do the things that I find the hardest. As I walked to the chair I felt his eyes on me….I think he likes looking at me when I am naked. 🙂 I sat down and my eyes met and surprisingly held his. I tried so hard not to look away as I sat less than two feet from him and opened my legs. Like the slut he expected me to be I displayed myself to him. The chair opened my legs wide and I knew nothing was hidden from his view. He sat on the edge of the bed for few moments and watched me. “Put your hands above your head.” he said standing up and walking towards me. He stood in front of me and his fingers entered my body swiftly. I was so wet and I welcomed his touch. I love the feeling of his fingers inside my body probing and pressing into me. I love how wet he makes me and how his fingers feel slippery against my bare skin. I always try and watch him just a little…I try to watch his fingers as they touch me and it reinforces the fact that I will never ever have body hair again….lol. I love the feeling of being displayed of being open for him to touch and play with and to hurt anyway he likes. I love it but find it shameful and it gives me that feeling that is so close to being bad.I knew I was close to cumming, I wanted to so badly and I asked him if I could. “Please, may I cum?”
“Oh..no.” he said. “Not yet.” He shook his head as he spoke. His eyes said there is no way you are cumming already. His fingers left me and I moaned in frustration. I hate the empty ‘I almost had an orgasm feeling’. He walked away and came right back holding one large black clamp. It was the cruel heavy plastic type that was made for anything but my small breast. I held my breath waiting for the pain of the clamp. He watched me as he leaned over me and attached it to my left breast. He pinched it right inside the skin around my nipple…taking enough skin nto the clamp so my nipple pressed up from behind the clamp. I cried out in pain and frustration. I told him it hurt…that it really hurt. He said “Good.” I feel scared wen he says things like that…in a thrilling erotic sort of way. In my head I am soaking up the feeling of being hurt by him and having him enjoy it…even in my most submissive moments I get that scared feeling reminding me of the limits I used to have.
My hands were still over my head and I really wished he had tied them together or restrained me so the temptation to push the clamp away would not be so strong. At one point my hand came down and I literally willed myself to not push it away. He warned me to keep me hands above my head. I really don’t want to know what would have happened had I taken it off myself. I told him again that it hurt. He said it was going to hurt a lot worse when he took it off. I knew he was right. His mouth tormented my other nipple and his teeth bit and pulled at my skin. As his mouth distracted me from the pain of the clamp his hand released it and the pain was unbearably intense for the briefest of moments. When Richard takes a clamp off of my nipple he always rubs it very hard…I haven’t quite figured out yet if he does it to hurt me more or to assist in rubbing away the pain. The funny thing is to me it is all in the same. The hard rubbing of his hand is the good type of pain….I love that. As I recovered from the removal of the large clamp his mouth travelled lower until he was between my legs. I felt his breath on my thighs…his kisses on the tops of my legs. Finally I felt his mouth on my clit. It was the softest touch and he rolled it around on his tongue pulling it gently into his mouth all the while pulling at my nipple with his finger. Again my mind was working hard to take in the pleasure and the pain. All of my experiences before have been with pain and then pleasure or pleasure and then pain. Richard gives me both in equal intensity. It is a heady feeling. As his mouth swirled around me I felt my body tense and I knew I was going to cum. I was on the brink and found the words to ask him if I could please, please cum. He said yes just as I buckled against his mouth and his finger. I felt myself clench around his finger and I held on to the back of the chair. It was a hard orgasm…the very best kind.
My breath was still coming in short little burst when he prssed me further back into the chair and stood in front of me. His hand was in my hair and his cock was pressed against my mouth. I did nothing but open my mouth. He held my head still on either side of my face and used my mouth just as he would any other part of my body. I relaxed my mouth to take him in the entire way…I struggled with my gag reflex every time he pressed deep inside my mouth and paused his stroke. I could hear my own noises in my ear. Not quite pleasure..not pain but something. The music of submission perhaps? I began to stroke him lightly with my fingers, loving the way his deeper noises blended with my own. I felt a strange combination of power and helplessness. I was pinned beneath him with his hands holding my head immobile so he could thrust himself in and out of my willing mouth….yet my fingers had the power to make him groan. Strange, strange combination. I am still trying to decide how I feel about that.
I felt his body tighten and then stiffen and his thrust got harder into my mouth. I was sure he had bruised my lips. I liked that feeling of being used. It is addictingly hot. His hands tightened in my hair and I felt him pull it keeping my head still. I knew he was going to cum before I tasted him. The salty weight of him in my mouth caused my own body to crave release once again. He pulled out of me and stepped away slightly. He ran his hand down along side of my face before pressing his fingers against and then into my mouth. “Lick your cum off my fingers.” I sucked his finger deep into my mouth tasting myself on him loving how his taste blended with my own.
He asked me afterwards how that made me feel. How I felt about having to clean his fingers after being inside of me. All I could think of was loving the way I tasted…and knowing that when the day comes that I find my playmate that she will taste like me. I can’t wait for that.