I have never made a blatant request for comments before today’s post. Yet today it seems unavoidable. It is my desire to hear from sub and Dom alike…please weigh in on this post.
There is a place I go to that is very much inside me. It is a curious place full warm touches and soft muted shadows. It’s a safe place and when it beckons it is hard to not go. As I sit here and try to find the right words to explain where it is I go and how I get there I think of walking down a dimly lit street…..maybe in some foreign little town….maybe on the sandy paths of some far away island. Some place unfamiliar until I am there and then I just know that this is a place I have visited before. When I am on that path maybe I hear a soft melody, a tinkering of sound in the distance and I follow it. I follow it not knowing where it is coming from only knowing that once there it is good.
Sound…it exists there but only muffled and quiet not unlike a whisper that you must quiet even your breathing to hear. Touch….I feel it quite differently when I am there. It tugs and pulls at me like I know it is there but only comes to me in quick bursts like lights hiding in fire. I feel the sensation of touch but it is like a small teardrop of pain. I can brush it away and it feels smooth down my cheek. It turns to pure pleasure…it warms me and makes me want to stay in my haven.
I have heard it called many different things from drifting off…to blacking out …I, like many of my blogger friends call it sub space. My experiences with this magical safe and very warm place have been intense over the past several weeks. There is not a clear criteria for what puts me there. Fear has put me there. Pain has put me there. Once I am there it is hard to come back.
Yesterday Richard used something on me that I found difficult to take. Being the Bob Villa of D/s he made a whip of sorts out of a thick stubby piece of wood and from it he attached a tangle of black coiled cording. When I asked him what it was he said it was the coil that secures screen inside of the frame. He went on to explain it comes in different thicknesses and weights. This one was heavy and vicious. He and I have evolved over the past two weeks into something quite different that we expected or maybe even wanted. I feel like his Dominance over me is close to total and my submission to him grows more every day. As much as he has learned about my body and the way my submissive mind works the fact I go away to sub space still fascinates him. It was no surprise that soon after the full impact of the pain of the whip was felt by my body I left him to go to my safe place. He will tell you that when I am there he gets no response from me when he hurts me. It is like I am truly gone. We explore this in conversation and I asked him a question that he was not able to clearly answer.
Richard is a sadist. In every sense of the word he is a sadist. So I would think that he wants me to feel the pain he inflicts. Especially when it is at it’s most severe. I would expect the fact that I have a way to avoid feeling the pain to annoy him or make him want to keep me from drifting away. Yet last night he let me go. And when I returned it was to him. And he was warm and safe and loving as he held me and gently brought me back around. When I ‘wake up’ I am often curled into him like a sleeping child. I find that I am clinging to him and he is all that I need to reassure me that I am alright.
I thought perhaps he tolerated my sub space because it meant I could take more. Yet I am not quite sure that is what it is. I know it fascinates him. Maybe the fact he can put me on a different level of conciousness feeds his need to Dominate me as much as his need to hurt me. I am not sure.
I would love to hear about other people’s sub space experiences. I need to know that I am not alone when I drift off to sub space. Doms….how do you feel about sub space? Subs….what’s it like for you when you get there?