bdsm · Richard

Dom Etiquette…according to Richard

I recently had the occasion to mention the words “Dom etiquette” to pixiepie. We had been chatting with a blogging friend of hers, during which the conversation, begun innocently enough, turned into an online Dom’ing of the two other chat participants. It was only later, in a sidebar chat with pixie, that it occurred to me that I was in serious breach of Dom etiquette. I had started Dom’ing a submissive without the permission of her Dominant. I felt pretty bad about that. Anyway it gave me the opportunity to discuss it with pixie, and I told her that it was really bad form at a D/s party (for example), to hit on a submissive, or even suggest that you would like to Dom her, without having a conversation with her Dom first.

I guess the exception might be if the Dom were making an inquiry to confirm the existence of the D/s relationship, or looking for the submissive to make an introduction to the Dom to facilitate such a conversation. It seemed natural to me that the same etiquette ought to apply online as well, even though the Dom’ing is of a mental sort, not a physical sort. We all know that the mental is at least as important as the physical, perhaps more so.

I know that the nature of the internet, and blogs especially, is that people get to know one another, and yet retain that distance, or anonymity, that might suggest that the common etiquette might be loosened a bit. And I agree to a point. For example, when someone comments on pixie’s blog how desirable they find her, and they do it publicly, where it is visible to me, I take absolutely NO offense at it. Usually, it has a bit of tongue-in-cheek in it as well. No one thinks that pixie is going to take it seriously. Nor does she feel it necessary to report it to me. It is innocent fun among internet friends in a transparent setting. But the way that I did it, in a private chat, was just not acceptable. And I regret it.

So, to the submissive in question (you know who you are), I apologize. I am sorry if I put you in a position where you had to either admit to an indiscretion (albeit electronic) or neglect to mention something to your Dom that he would probably be annoyed to hear about. I would certainly be a bit annoyed to discover that a Dom began making suggestive Dom-like comments to pixie in a private conversation and I expect your Dom is no different. And if the Dom in question should be reading this with knowledge of my indiscretion, I apologize to you as well.

6 thoughts on “Dom Etiquette…according to Richard

  1. Let me get this straight Richard. Does this mean I can comment on pixie’s blog that I want to fuck her but can’t email her the same thing. Or is proper etiquette writing you and asking your permission to fuck her? Interesting. And how would one reach you…..

  2. Exactly right. You can comment what you’d like to do; don’t hit on her in private. Just as an aside, erudite comments will probably be more appreciated.

    If your desires go beyond writing about wanting her, you can always ask me. That would be proper etiquette. But I guess wouldn’t hold my breath. I don’t think I’m going to be very good at sharing.

    It is just common sense after all. She writes because she needs to – and we all enjoy it. She doesn’t do it to invite solicitations. But my post was really offered as an apology to a reader. Pixie’s blog was only mentioned to illustrate the point I was making about my own inappropriate behaviour. I certainly didn’t intend it to inspire or encourage public comment on what her readers would like to do to her.

    You can reach me by writing pixie. But you should realize from our exchange several post back that we are not quite ready to start the interviewing process. 🙂

  3. Not good at sharing? Fine time somebody on this blog learned that lesson! Just when I thought I had a chance. 🙂

    I wasn’t soliciting her Richard, merely stating a fact as I tried to understand your points. You clarified and I am satisfied with your explanation, pleased in fact. My apologies if I offended you

    I’ll just be over here holding my breath.

  4. No offense taken, Dr. Dom. I didn’t mean to imply that you were soliciting her, either here or privately. Your comments have never been out of line.

    (No, I said ‘don’t’ hold your breath, lol. We don’t want to lose you!)

  5. i very rarely chat on line to anyone dominant but i have had several (no hundreds) of so called Doms try to hit on me, thinking that cause i am sub, i am open house. It is so lovely to know that there are good men out there who care about the unwritten rules. Thank you

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