bdsm · bondage · limits · pixies pictures · Richard

The whip

 

Tonight Richard found a limit of mine. It wasn’t anything I had hidden from him, it was always there. It wasn’t anything I held tightly behind my back to keep him from seeing….certainly wasn’t anything I wanted to keep. Yet it remained right out of his reach….right out of my reach too I suppose. Tonight he found it and broke it. My limits are now his to set and even as I say that I realize I am not quite sure what it means. Only that I have never felt so submissive or strong or focused.  And only that I know that although tonight I was carried past what I thought was my limit– there is more. There will always be more. I am learning just what I can take…I am shocking myself.

Tonight I felt pain like I never knew existed. I felt excitment like I never believed possible. Just when I felt as if the pain had weakened me to the point where I could take no more Richard’s words soothed me and gave me strength. His words reminded me of why I could take what he offered. He told me I could take more… over and over there was more and more

Tonight I know I can’t write about all the details. My head is sorting through everything. I am still deeply effected by the experience of the past few hours…still a little drifty…still a little quiet inside.

Tonight he made me cry.

15 thoughts on “The whip

  1. Thank you for tonight, pixie pie. You were amazing.

    After the whip, pixie asked me to tell her it would never be any harder than this. Of course, I didn’t tell her that. How could I? When we go looking for limits, we don’t know what we will find, or how far we will move them.

    My dear, sweet pixiepie, I am very pleased with you.

  2. “Had the price of looking been blindness, I would have looked. ” Ralph Ellison

    I am thankful you have decided to post photographs. That is you, right?

    As far as ‘limits’ go I imagine Richard has been setting them all along and you just did not realize it. (?)

  3. We’ve been so busy trying things for which pixie had no experience and thus no known limit – I’d have to say we’ve been measuring the limits.

    We now know that I want to hurt her more than she wants to be hurt. And yet, at times SHE wants to be hurt more than is good for her. What a rush… what a responsibility….

    great quote, btw. I really like that.

  4. i remember the first time i cried. It was so amazingly scary. I will wait patiently while you get your head round it enough to write about it. It took me days so dont rush. xxxx

  5. A wonderful picture, Pixie…erotic and just plain hot. As for the post…well, this is offered to anyone who can address it: I simply do not understand this. Now more than ever. I dearly hope that someone can explain to me why HURT and PAIN equal PLEASURE. Because to my mind, if you do, indeed, want more of it and you enjoy it, then it’s not HURT. As much as I want to, I just don’t get it. So I am simply compelled in my idiocy to find someone who can explain it…why it works, what kind of mindset is in play, etc. Just to say that this is sadism, this is masochism….that just doesn’t ring for me.

    And I’d appreciate some kind of answer that wasn’t so patronizing. You never grow unless you ask, friends. Katie, Roper, anyone….how does this work???

  6. katie….It wasn’t quite the release I expected. I was told that when tears come in this sort of situation it can often be viewed as a welcome release. I found no such solace, I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Out of control somehow..frantic and unable to take what I should have been able to take. It was a reminder of sorts of the danger of this game…how close I can allow myself to be taken to the edge…..and how much trust I am able to pass to another. It was scary and is still on my mind even today.

  7. Thank you Dr.Dom….you are sweet.
    And yes…the photograph is of me…taken by Richard.
    I am pleased you like it.

    Thanks Roper….I thought you would be pleased. 🙂

  8. Oh Ron….thank you for the compliment.

    “I dearly hope that someone can explain to me why HURT and PAIN equal PLEASURE. Because to my mind, if you do, indeed, want more of it and you enjoy it, then it’s not HURT”

    But it is Ron…for me it is, for many pain and pleasure blur into one- that doesn’t take away the pain sensation anymore than it takes away the pleasure sensation. Hurt and pain can be pleasurable…that doesn’t make it easier to take because the pleasure is not always topical…sometimes it is pleasure of pleasing the one delivering the pain…sometimes it is the pleasure in knowing you are strong enough to offer that of yourself.

    Please don’t take this as patronizing Ron….I want you to understand it but when you say the explanation of it being a S&M relationship as not good enough….but it has to be cause it is that type of relationship. It is amazing and intense and fulfilling like nothing I have ever known and Ron you know me. You know I am stable and responsible and have a full life outside of this relationship. This only enhances it for me…it makes me a better person because it is meeting a need- an undeniable need that I have inside of myself. And maybe you don’t have to understand it Ron but please know that as bad as it sounds..the pain and the tears it is really so good.

    And please don’t judge those of us who find pleasure in this sort of activity….it is one part of a whole person just as I imagine you have small parts of yourself you would rather not be judged. You promised to keep an open mind……please keep your promise.

  9. Honey, I AM keeping my open mind. If you enjoy it, wonderful. I’m simply trying to understand why and how it works erotically, that’s all. It is a totally foreign entity to me. I think you are interpreting my questions as disapproval and nowhere in my post is it there. I just don’t understand and I want to very much, because you’re my friend.

  10. ronjazz…if you don’t like what pixiepie is doing then leave her alone. she seems to be quite happy and Richard seems like a nice guy.

    rock on pixie.
    and your pictures are hot as hell.
    do we get a picture of Richard…?

  11. Lighten up, tiger, PixiePie and I are very good friends. In fact, we just now had a long heart-to-heart about it all. If you had followed previous posts, you’d know that I’ve been trying to understand the dynamic for a long time. It’s not personal, it never has been. She and Richard and I talk all the time. I simply ask the questions because I want to know more.

    Fair enough?

  12. Can you understand it if you don’t feel it?

    Different things turn us on, I know this is a bland comparison, but I’m not particularly exicted by oral sex performed on me, even with someone very skilled, something about the act just doesn’t excite me. I know it’s not really a fair comparison, but maybe you see what I’m getting at. I can’t explain why people (me included) find pain to be pleasurable, but I can say that perhaps if you don’t find it pleasurable, you will never understand why someone does. And that’s not a bad thing. The hard thing to accept I think is why someone would WANT to feel pain, and that’s another concept all together.

    There is a blog I’ve been reading a bit, and I think pixie as well, maybe she’s told you about it already, but it’s a psychologist who’s searching for a more scientific understanding of the D/s dynamic. The website is http://www.painhealer.blogspot.com It’s pretty interesting, but it’s also a work in process. Let me know what you think Ron.

    It’s totally unfair to ask Ron to ‘leave pixie alone’, they’re friends and it’s an honest exploration between them to understand the dynamic, it’s important we talk about this and don’t hide the hard to understand parts of these types of relationship. But again i’d say it’s hard to understand if you don’t feel it.

    What do you all think?

    milla

  13. Milla, this is the first time I’ve actually been given food for thought on the issue. You have equated what I’m trying to understand with something that I really do understand. I will check the website out. You’re a peach, and I appreciate it.

    Pixie, I love you, honey. You know how I feel. It’s hard for me. I chose to make it more public for precisely the kind of fodder that Milla has offered. Thank you both!

    Anyone who knows me out here understands that there is no one more open and searching. Maybe as time passes, I can make sense of this concept. But the debate and the discussion is fun, is it not?

  14. going back to pixie’s comment to me. (not really self centred, i just want to get back to the limits and crying stuff). When i cried, i was being punished with a martinet on my back. I couldnt take it any more and i said “no”. I am not allowed to say no so he held me down and whipped me even more. My tears were not nice, they didnt give me relaese, they were pure pain. That day, i went so far past what i thought was my limit and it took me a long long time to process it and be ok with it all. But it was a turning point for me and I love him even more now for taking me there.

    Still waiting patiently for you to process your thoughts

    love katie xxxxx

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