Tonight Richard found a limit of mine. It wasn’t anything I had hidden from him, it was always there. It wasn’t anything I held tightly behind my back to keep him from seeing….certainly wasn’t anything I wanted to keep. Yet it remained right out of his reach….right out of my reach too I suppose. Tonight he found it and broke it. My limits are now his to set and even as I say that I realize I am not quite sure what it means. Only that I have never felt so submissive or strong or focused. And only that I know that although tonight I was carried past what I thought was my limit– there is more. There will always be more. I am learning just what I can take…I am shocking myself.
Tonight I felt pain like I never knew existed. I felt excitment like I never believed possible. Just when I felt as if the pain had weakened me to the point where I could take no more Richard’s words soothed me and gave me strength. His words reminded me of why I could take what he offered. He told me I could take more… over and over there was more and more
Tonight I know I can’t write about all the details. My head is sorting through everything. I am still deeply effected by the experience of the past few hours…still a little drifty…still a little quiet inside.
Tonight he made me cry.