I will not profess to understand the complexities of the sadistic mind. The sadistic mind is more interesting to me than the mind of a masochist. For surely it is many layered and more multifarious than my own. I am intrigued by most things different than myself. I am a submissive, I have a pretty good indication of how my mind operates. I have turned it in to something easy to sit and hold, something that no longer weighs heavy on me. It now lifts me up to be a better person, to know myself more deeply.
I know what I am thinking as a masochist. I am enthralled at the thought of figuring out what is in the mind of a Dominant. Richard and I have tossed back and forth a few emails about just this topic over the past few days. I compare the personalities of the Dominant men I have come in contact with in my life trying to get a handle on what I prefer, what I need. In other words if I could describe the perfect Dominant man what qualitites would he have?
To date I have had two dominant men in my life. Mark and Richard are strikingly similar in several ways yet their differences stack up. The longer I know Richard and the more time I am allowed to de-romanticize what I had with Mark in my mind the clearer their differences become. I am in no way saying that one type of Dominance is better than a another, nor am I suggesting that Richard’s style is anymore or any less effective than Marks. Each have distinct qualities that I love and to go further into this I have had different responses to each of them even if the experience was similar. Different expectations…different chemistries…different needs I suppose. Even different degrees of submission and respect.
A recurring question that continues to surface with Richard and I is me wondering if it would be easier for him to Dominate me if he didn’t care for me so much. The first night I met him…and looking back I laugh because I drove home shaking my head at his arrogance…he warned me not to fall in love with him. He said that it is common for women to fall in love with their Dom. We joke now to each other about his warning that some where along the way I chose to ignore. So it makes me wonder if he were different…if he were not Dominant and not everything that Richard has shown me he is inside would I still care for him the way I do? If I were just submissive..and not sweet and charming and entertaining (oh and modest) would he still feel for me the way he does? I wonder if the style of Dominance feeds into the exchange of emotions….or is it just you allow yourself to be vulnerable to the other and that in fact leaves you vulnerable to care. But I get off track….
Anyway…I am learning about different styles of Dominating. Richard has encouraged me to chat with other Doms. One in particular has been holding my attention and Richard and I have been discussing him quite frequently. He is very different from Mark and Richard..truth be told he is unlike most of the people I have come into contact with. I am intrigued by him. He is demanding of me during our chats..admonishes me if I come across as disrespectful..or as he called it ‘flippant’. Now anyone who knows me knows that is the way to my heart…strict direct orders leaving no doubt in my mind who has the power.
Richard said this when we discussed it….
“”….(I) know that it might be easier for you as a submissive to have an understanding with your Dom that you will always be respectful, subdued, eyes on the floor, never ask a question, etc. And I know that the ambiguity on this subject that you get from me makes your life a bit harder. But you are handling it just fine, and this brings me to my third point.
Third, there are Doms in the world that demand what I have described above. They believe that that is the appropriate behaviour for a submissive – ALWAYS submissive, always ‘on’ if you will. I tell you this because one day you may submit to someone like that, and you should know it exists and recognize it. I could ‘train’ you to be that way, and maybe in my role I should do more of that to prepare you for whatever comes next. I have not done that – it isn’t my normal style.
It seems to me that Dominance like that might really change you – make you into something other than the fun-loving, cheerful, exuberant, vivacious creature that you are. It might make you into something that I would enjoy using, but in between would not enjoy being with. Does this make sense to you? I know there is appeal in that to you – (and to me as well) – to have you be a totally owned and used toy, an object, and when I am done, I put you on the shelf and go back to my normal life. Maybe we would be in a better place if that was how I had proceeded. But I didn’t.
I like being around you, as you, a person not an object. Owned, but a person nonetheless.
So, I set out to teach you to be a better submissive, and to give you new experiences, not to change who you are. The next Dom might be more like that. You should give some thought to how that might feel, how you would like that. I am not being judgmental about it – you might thrive
So my point is I am learning through my explorations that there are many different types of Doms out there. I like that Richard feels it is his responsibility to prepare me for my next experience…it makes me happy he cares enough for me to want me settled in a good place before he leaves my world but it saddens me more than I can express that that day may come.
I am also sad that there aren’t more Dominant men out here that are willing to comment and give their opinion on all of this. Is it easier to be detached from your submissive…are Doms and subs destined to fall in love, is it the nature of the power exchange or more the pull of two individual souls that mesh so well?
Am I wrong to love the fact that Richard is the cruelest man I have ever known yet he is also the most tender and receptive. That he can kiss me until I feel connected to his very core and a moment later be gripping my throat causing me to beg for my very air.
*sigh* So much to think on…yet it is late and I must get some sleep.
Oh…this seems to be the night for rambling questions.
I am off to bed…goodnight friends. 😉