bdsm · bondage · breast torture · breath play · caning · clothes pins · control · D/s · dating · focus · Liam · restraints · Richard · S/M · sub space

Back to you

Richard writes….

We are having some difficulty finding the right balance, the place where pixie feels secure in my Dominance, but not so overwhelmed by it that she cannot move forward. We had an incredible experience Sunday night (see )an expression of complete and total Dominance and submission, an almost violent reaffirmation of ownership. It was just what pixie needed at that moment. And the other day, her need came back with the statement that she was feeling all “jittery” at work and she asked me to say something to help clear her mind. When I did she said, “more…please say more.” That brought out the Dom in me, and for 5 minutes of online chatting, I brought her back into focus, and began telling her what I planned to do to her that night. But I feel conflicted sometimes – my Dominance can be so all encompassing, that it leaves no room for anything else. Is it leaving room for a new relationship to develop?

Pixie writes….. I told you I needed reassurance all of a sudden. Were you thinking of me? Was everything OK? Were we OK? I was having trouble making decisions, things weren’t clear in my mind. I hate that I feel needy sometimes in relationships that are the most secure in my life.  So sometimes I feel conflicted, I want to see Liam and yet I need so badly to see you. I decided to see you and not reassure Liam. I am not good at reassurance.Liam said sometimes I am too vague. I told you its true sometimes I am hard to get an answer from, I said it hurts sometimes to pull something concrete from my head when I am in sub mode. I was jittery, I wasn’t coping. You said….”take a deep breath and think about the fact that I own you and will use you tonight” and I said “please say something more, please make me feel it more” only I didn’t know what I wanted you to say only I needed something to calm me. You said…”listen, my little cunt – did you get my TM reminding you to be wearing a skirt when I arrive tonight?
Me- yes Sir
R- but you didn’t reply – left me wondering if you had gotten it
Me- sorry Sir…I was driving
R- you will be punished for that.
Me- oh? Yes Sir.

R- and you’ve been driving ever since? forgetful aren’t you?
Me- no Sir…well sometimes
R- Don’t forget to reply to your Master.
Me- I won’t Sir.
R- spread your legs
Me- yes Sir.R- wider
Me- oh
R- embarrass yourself by spreading them so wide
Me- yes..I did…I am
R- remember the pee running down your leg into the ocean –
Me- yes Sir
R- you probably have to pee right now, don’t you
Me- yes Sir
R- good. I’ll bet you are wet
Me- yes Sir I am…sorry Sir
R-almost like you have already peed .
Me- yes
R- don’t be sorry – you are wet for me. As it should be
I won’t punish you for being wet
Me- ok
R- I insist on it

And so it went on for a few more minutes until I was securely back in my place. The ambiguity of my situation was lost in the control that you holds over me. I needed to feel the heavy hand of your control and although I knew the evening would bring your hands to my flesh I needed  words to serve as the catalyst in getting me back to the point in my day where everything was alright.


I arrived at her house to find her wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt. It just covered her butt. As we talked, and munched on some chocolate chip cookies I had brought with me (we share a passion for chocolate chip cookies!), she variously sat on the floor, stretched out prone, and sat on a stool. Unlike her usual self, she was much less shy about offering me glimpses of her cunt, and at one point as she sat on the stool I made her spread her legs and give me a good look. I told her it was beautiful, but that word does not do it justice. Looking at her naked, especially when she is wearing something short that can be pulled up over her ass, just makes me say “oh.” You know, that kind of “oh” that means you are just speechless and hot and bothered. Sometimes just looking at her can bring on the start of “Dom Space.” She is perfect.  It makes me both love her more than ever and want to hurt her all at the same time. My eyes take her in, they take her, they own her, they begin the process of using her, they make it clear to her that I can do whatever I choose to do to her. I love her.

Pixie writes…..

Yes, I was less modest with you and I am not sure why my modesty with you comes and goes. Sometimes a quietness runs over my body so it feels like your eyes are as natural on my skin as your hands. Sometimes your eyes rage a silent war within myself to hide myself from the heat of your glance. Tonight I wanted your eyes on me. I loved the secret thrill of seeing you react to my nakedness. After all…submission doesn’t always leave a girl powerless. It feels odd having you in my house as I am so used to our apartment. You fill up my space. I like how you make me feel safe.

Richards turn…..

When we moved into her bedroom, I pushed her roughly down on the bed face down. I spread her cheeks and played with her for a minute or two. I moved to the other side of the bed and knelt on it in front of her and roughly used her mouth. At one point I gripped her throat to keep her from gagging and pushed in hard and deep. I love using her this way. It is a mental pleasure far more than a physical one.

Pixie writes……

I love having your cock in my mouth. Love it even more when you take my mouth hard. I wondered what you were doing to my throat….now I understand. It was easier to take you, I just thought you had decided to make me struggle for air. I try sometimes to look up at you while your cock is deep inside my mouth but find I become unnerved and can’t do it. I enjoy being taken like this. It makes me feel taken, violated and used.


Earlier in the day pixie had described a fantasy where she had clamps on her nipples which were attached to a chain going around her back, which I pulled on as I entered her from behind, so that with each thrust I would pull on the chain. So I attached clamps to her nipples, cruelly attached by pulling a chunk of breast behind the nipple into the clamp, and pulled them around behind her with a small piece of rope.


Ok..Mr Smooth, let’s tell everyone how the second nipple clamp broke as you tried to put it on me. How I couldn’t help laughing at you…I enjoy these moments of intimacy between us. I liked how you laughed outloud even as I moaned at the pain of the first one and the frustration of waiting while you found a replacement. This was really very painful. I breathed very deeply as you came around behind and pulled the rope up close to my skin. I felt my nipples tighten and my cunt dripped with desire for you. I love when you hurt me. The rope felt rough on the smooth skin beneath my arms. I felt harnessed. I like being held in your grasp so mercilessly.


I grabbed the lube, smeared some roughly on her hole, and pushed deep into her ass without any preliminary stretching. I knew I was hurting her, and I knew she wanted it. It was close to an ass rape. I felt overwhelmingly Dominant, in total control of a toy, a pet, a slave, that I owned and could use as I wished in whatever way I wished for my pleasure. And for me, what made it even better, is knowing that it was for her pleasure as well. As pixie has said, I am all about pleasure, not about punishment. With each thrust, I pulled on the rope attached to the clamps. As I urged her toward an orgasm, she said it hurt too much, she couldn’t cum. I told her she had to and I was going to pull off the clamps. She begged me not to, “no, don’t take them off,” she cried. She thinks I have learned to ignore her pleas for mercy, but the truth is I enjoy hearing her beg and then intentionally doing the opposite. What I mean is that ignoring her begging is not enough – it is even better to be aware of her begging, seek it solely for the sake of going beyond it, and then taking more from her in spite of her begging; taking even more because of her begging. As I pulled off a clamp I immediately grabbed her breast and massaged the nipple back to life, causing the pain to intensify. With each one she cried out, and then convulsed into an amazing orgasm.


You really hurt me. I am used to you allowing me time to get used to your cock in my ass. I found that my mental submission when you took me like this was strong enough to cover up the pain, the fact you  ‘could’ do it made the pain easier to take. What strikes me as different about you that night was that you reaffirmed what I already knew. You can stop hearing my pain, you can ignore my begging and take me where only you know I need to go. What I also need to point out is that when I beg you to stop…. at that very moment I really want you to stop. It hurts and the pain is hot and tearing and at times I feel myself losing control. Somehow you just know when my begging is just really just a plea for a moment of gentleness. A moment of softness at your hand is all I need to make it alright. You give me this and it is a reminder of why I do it…why my need to please you is so strong.


It may be apparent to pixie’s readers that this encounter was not just a normal D/s scene to this point. It was cruel, and both of us were reveling in that cruelty; both of us knew this was different, both of us knew that we were welded together by the S/m state of our minds. And it wasn’t over by any means. I physically pushed her around on the bed. She was on her hands and knees, with her knees tucked all the way under her, curled up almost. No restraints. I began using the whippy thing on her back. (see “Cry”). It is a hard and cruel pain. It bites, it leaves marks, it ranges from stingy to biting, flesh-cutting intensity. And I laid it on her back for several minutes, varying the strokes from light sting to vicious snaps, some of which caused her to gasp and pull up her body, try to turn away from it. But no restraints. I did the same thing to her ass, then again on her back. I caused the strands to wrap around and snap her breasts. She was begging me to stop. Of course, I ignored that. Yes, I was in a cruel mood. I was asserting my ownership of her. I was using her to the maximum, pouring my pain into her and taking it back as pleasure. That is what sadists do, and thank God for masochists. 

At one point pixie went away, into deep subspace. Her breathing slowed and she began to be unresponsive to the snaps on her butt and back. I continued anyway, enjoying the fact that I could do anything to her, anything. After another minute or so, decided to bring her back, so I snapped the whip across her ass really hard, and she gasped and opened her eyes. She looked at me with an almost angry look, a look that said “too much.” I said, “Welcome back. You’ve been gone. I’m going to let you go away again.” I resumed the more moderate switching across her back and ass, keeping the level of intensity at a level that hurt enough to send her away but not so much that it snapped her back out of it. I love that I have learned so much about pixie’s reaction, and how she “goes away” into deep subspace, that I can now manipulate it. I recognize it instantly, and I can leave her there or bring her back, and now I know I can send her back as well. Such an amazing sense of power over her.


I really want to add something here but can’t. You are so right Richard, I went away. I remember the vicious bite of the whip and I wondered how I could possibly take another stroke. You know this is the first time you have whipped me without feeling the need to restrain me. Have I come so far in my submission to you? I wonder if you think subspace is a cowardly place for my mind to wonder off to. I hope you know it is a sign of the trust I have in you, it is the ultimate vulnerable state.


When I had enough of the whippy thing, and I do mean when I had had enough, I told pixie that I was going to fuck her, but first I was going to cover her lips with clothes pins so that it would hurt while I was doing it. It is truly enjoyable to a sadist to cause pain WHILE taking pleasure, in an act that is usually thought of as pleasureable. Pixie begged me not to do it. I roughly positioned her and began pumping her from behind. I told her to rub herself, and she said it hurt too much. I told her to do as she was told and with minutes, she was close, but again said she couldn’t cum, it hurt too much. I pushed her hand out of the way and brought her to an orgasm, and immediately began yanking clothespins off her. What an incredible feeling of control, power, pleasure all washed up in her agony and pleasure, which were one and the same, inseparable.


I am not sure what was the most erotic Richard? You forcing yourself inside of me as my cunt lips were covered with wooden pins or the way you told me to ‘do what I was told’. Your words mean so much to me when we are together. Rarely I am in such a state that I can’t cum, the pulling of the clothes pins and the pounding of your body into my much smaller one was almost unbearable.


Which brings me back to where I started. Clearly, this kind of assertion of ownership, total Domination, while very good for pixie in the short run, is becoming counter-productive in my efforts to push her toward Liam. We need to find a balance. We need to find the RIGHT balance, a place where her head is straight, and she is focused, and yet she has the space to move toward him without feeling lost, or like she is losing me, or like she is betraying me or acting in a manner that is inconsistent with my ownership. Her moving closer to Liam, at my direction, is not inconsistent with that Dominance. She needs to understand that. And I need to find the balance for her that allows her to grow while feeling nurtured and safe.


girls · M. · Richard and Ms. Anna


She was beautiful. You could tell with a glance that she knew others found her lovely. Yet she wasn’t haughty or arrogant like so many beautiful women. She carried herself with an elegant confidence that made her even more breathtaking. I liked her right away. I liked how she smiled and I liked how she smelled. I realized for the first time I was finding another woman attractive. I was always the kind of girl who appreciated beauty in other women. Not so much women as a sexual being but as an object of beauty. I see beauty in almost all women in one way or the other, I see beauty in myself. It is the softness of our skin, the lilt of our voices, the tilting of our chins and the nodding of our heads…all uniquely feminine. All utterly lovely. She was the first woman I had ever met that made me feel desire. She made me wonder what it would be like to be her focus, to have her hands on me. To be tasted. Briefly the thoughts scared me, briefly I wondered why my mind was dancing around what was only before an appreciation of grace and beauty. It hit me quickly that my desire was not unlike the desire I felt for a man. A longing to be taken…a desire to serve and provide pleasure. I sensed a quiet dominance in her when we spoke, when she looked at me it was in her eyes. Maybe she didn’t even know it was there. I couldn’t tell if she knew. I could tell she was submissive to her handsome husband however and I was charmed by the way she blushed so prettily when he threatened to spank her. Maybe I only recognized it because I am intensely submissive, maybe I knew it because she somehow made me feel very young, almost vulnerable. I liked how she made me feel. I liked how I wanted to stand next to her and I liked how it felt when she held my hands. I sensed she was nervous but not lacking in confidence and that told me a lot about her. Our meeting was only awkward for the few moments that it took me to relax into her. It was a hard scene for me, made even harder by their presence in the small room. I had worried for weeks what it would be like to submit to M in front of someone else. I so badly wanted to please him so I stepped into the situation with more confidence than I actually had. I have already written an accounting of this experience So I won’t go into too many details. As I read through my own words it was apparent that I tried very much to down play the effect she had on me. I was more wrapped up in describing my submission to M and my humiliation at being made to submit in front of his friends.Looking back what made that brief meeting with her and her husband was not my heightened submission and it wasn’t my desperate need to please M. It was that I had somehow been pulled inside the intimate circle of two very loving people. I liked that feeling of vulnerability that came with having her touch me…with having him touch me. I knew at that moment it was something that one day I hoped to experience more of. I think that is one reason why I was so eager when M put Ms. Anna in my life. I longed for that type of interaction since that Texas afternoon so long ago. Of course Ms. Anna wasn’t the one, my experiences with her were way more emotional and less of a physical nature. Yet it was certainly a catalyst for making me long for the day when I could in truth be dominated by another woman. I have this innate desire to please. I am attracted to Dominate personalities. Though with her it was different, it wasn’t so much the Dominance in her I found exciting as much as it was the physical reactions my body had when she touched me. Her dominance added to it because I longed to explore that…yet I realized we were both submissive by nature. I could never dominate another person….I think there must be two very different types of submissives. I could submit to her, I imagine it. I imagine pleasing her and bringing her additional pleasure by pleasing her Dominant. With an open mind there are no limits to consensual discovery.

I am not sure why I am writing about all this now..when so many other events are transpiring around me. Only that it is on my mind and my lovely friends have recently come back into my life. I’ve missed you both. 🙂


Dancing with pixie

Today, pixie and I were online chatting, and as always the conversation drifted toward Liam and Richard and pixie and where it was all going, and how we feel about each other, and what we say to each other about how we feel, and what a worrier I am, and finally pixie said, “It’s like dancing.” I replied “um….yes? How is it like dancing?” She replied:

“cause there is only one reason why people do it…and it is the same reason people love it. it feels good, it moves you inside, the music it takes to move sometimes can make you laugh or sing or even cry but it always, always feels good. i sometimes dance alone, even in the dark where no one can see me or laugh or judge or watch. it feels good so i do it, i love it. it doesn’t help me tomorrow or next month or even next year but it moves me today. that’s how i see you in my life. you move me inside.”

That stopped me in my tracks. “It doesn’t help me tomorrow or next month or even next year but it moves me today. that’s how i see you in my life. you move me inside.” I just didn’t know what to say to that. These sentences made me feel like I was actually listening to music. I shared some music with pixie recently that I described as “achingly beautiful.” You know, there are only a few notes, everyone has the same notes to work with, and yet one person arranged these notes is such a way that anyone who heard it would feel this ache. The music makes you ache inside at the beauty of it. That is how these words made me feel. Not sad, she didn’t arrange these words so that I was sad. But nonetheless, they are achingly beautiful. I have been moved inside. And pixie, I will dance with you any day.

beach · belt · dating · Liam · pixies pictures · Richard · S/M


 He said he knew what I needed as he pushed me face down on the bed. I landed hard and reached out in front of me to catch myself. I like it when we can ignore the politness that is usually associated with getting into bed with another person. D/s is like that. He wanted me there so he put me there. I like that.

I felt him pull my skirt up to my waist and pull my top down off of my shoulders. His movements were rough and emotion filled. I felt a hot pulse of heat and pain and expectation in the room. It was almost as if there was someone else in the room another body that needed to learn perhaps even more than I did to whom I belonged to. He lifted me from behind so my bottom was up in the air. His hand nuzzled between my legs and his finger entered me harshly and he practically lifted my knees off of the bed. He played with me there for several moments until I was panting with need. I wanted him so badly and I remember my only thought being how I wished he would plunge deep inside me. I waited for that, it didn’t happen. I knew his mood had changed…he really did know what I needed. His fingers stopped and he pushed me flat on the bed and walked away. I lifted my head to see where he was going but he was already back. He was holding a stiff leather strap that he hadn’t used on me too often. It is about half the size of a belt but just as scary. He immediately started smacking it across my bottom and he again lifted me up on my knees with my chest pressed down. The smacks were hard, solid and sounded loud in the small apartment. He talked to me about ownership and how I belonged to him. I heard every word above the crack of the strap. He flipped me over on my back and spread my legs roughly. He looked down at me as his hand pulled at my cunt and opened me roughly so he could see what was his. His look scared me and instinctively I tried to close my legs. “Keep them open” he said his voice harsh and his hands now hot on my knees pressing them open against the bed. He doubled the strap over and it landed on my inner thighs over and over. This is almost intolerable to me, I hate pain on the inside of my legs. He knows that. He brought the strap down hard between my legs and it took all of my will to not cover myself. When my hands came close he told me to take my hands away. I did so right away not daring to disobey this dark Richard that stood in front of me. He flipped me over again and pressed my face back into the bed. It was hard to breath. I felt something so real shift inside of me…..there was no doubt in my mind that I had truly given myself to him. All the questions with Liam…all the residual feeling with M seemed suddenly very far as the strap landed randomly on my bottom and the backs of my thighs. Every blow was a reminder that I was owned…that I was loved….that I was his and that he wasn’t ready to give me to Liam. I had feelings inside of me that I dealt with at that very moment…feelings that had walked around with me for days walked away from me now. His words echoed his actions. I shuddered when the strap landed across my bare back and shoulders. I arched my back pressing chest deeper into the bed. I wanted to offer myself to him completely. He needed to know that I was still his as much as I needed to know he still wanted me.

It had been a wonderful day, one of the best with him so far. I had talked him into taking me back to the beach and we had woke up together hours before and made the 2 1/2 hour drive. All day our conversation kept coming back to Liam’s expectations of me as his girlfriend and how we both knew he would expect me to sleep with him sooner or later. And of course I knew that. I am attracted to him, I certainly desire a sexual relationship with him. It will only help us grow as a couple and I know that Liam is my future regardless of what I do now with Richard. I want that. What I don’t want is to mess my head up by trying to share myself physically and emotionally between two Dominant men. Liam has not tried to Dominate me…he really hasn’t tried to sleep with me though we have discussed it. What we have done has shown me that we have a strong chemistry between us and I know that when it happens it will be good. He is a patient man and has told me that when it happens it will be because I am ready and not a moment sooner, I am worth waiting for he said. He knows that I belong to Richard and while he is still trying to totally wrap his mind around the complexities of that dynamic he is open minded and worldly enough to know that I can still grow with him and be his girlfriend while owned by another. Of course, I am still figuring this whole thing out too. He accepts that as Richard’s role but I also anticipate that once we move into having a sexual relationship that could very well change. I do not want to diminish Richard’s control over me and my sexuality. I have given that over to him, I love the way it makes me feel and I love the clarity it brings to my daily thought process. I do not want that to change. So last night after a day of playing in the ocean with him…after a day of sailing with him…a day of his full attention… for some reason I was feeling needy and vulnerable enough to ask him if he would still want me if Liam took me sexually. When we spend days like yesterday together I have trouble seeing him as my Dominant and not just as a man in my life who loves me. The two shouldn’t conflict but maybe because I now have a boyfriend they sometimes do. I was only joking with him as we tread water together way too far out in the Atlantic.  He said something about all the men dunking their girlfriends around us and my response wasn’t meant to be anything poignant yet it rang true in my ears for a long time after I spoke it aloud. I said.. “only I’m not your girlfriend, I’m your cunt”. And isn’t that the truth? He didn’t correct me and he shouldn’t have. I do not doubt how he feels about me or the depth of his emotions but I certainly do not have girlfriend status, not like I do with Liam. Goodness…I am having dinner with Liam and his dad this week and that is quite a contrast with what I share with Richard.  I am finding that I like that so much. Maybe it is just the normalcy of having someone of my very own -someone who I can be with and not count down the days to when it is over. Yet I’d walk away from him in a second if Richard asked. If for some reason this becomes too hard…if I can’t make this work I will choose Richard.

I am not sure of too much else. I am not sure if I can submit to Richard and still do everything that a girlfriend does for her Dominant boyfriend. I am not sure if I can allow Liam to touch me and hold me when I feel owned by Richard, when I am owned by Richard. How can I allow my body to feel pleasure and reciprocate that pleasure as eagerly as I want to when I allow Richard to pull so much out of me? How much do I have to give before there is nothing left, before one or both relationships suffer? All of these questions are heavy right now on my heart. I do not want to lose Richard…he means so much to me, Liam does too. Richard is too amzing and I close my ears to every conversation where he tries to make me see that he should walk away fromme now. He will not allow me to lose Liam because he knows that Liam can offer me a future that he can’t. Liam talks about marriage and children and everything that Richard has already experienced in his life. And I could belong to Liam and he would be my very own and somehow that makes me smile to think about. Yet again, I would walk away from Liam as much as my heart is leaning into him to keep what I have today with Richard. Why? My voice in my head says that is not the right thing to do…common sense is easily quieted though. It is sad because I know Richard cares too much for me to allow that to happen. He would sacrifice me first and that makes me very sad. It is a hard place for me to be. And I wish I knew how it would all turn out, I wish I thought that I could give myself to Liam and not feel like it was wrong and most of all I wish I didn’t know this was going to end in sadness and tears one day. And I am not sure why my mind is making the choices it is making. I feel scattered and confused and I am so very tired of change right now. I crave adventures in submission but still crave the security of a husband and family. I know that with Liam I can have both- he gets the D/s dynamic, he understands that if I am with him we will be more open to things than most couples. Richard is fine with it too. He has encouraged my exploration with Liam…so why am I the only one struggling?

Only last night I wasn’t struggling. I knew very well where I was and who I was as Richard knelt beside the bed near my head. The strap was forgotton on the floor. He had his hand in my hair and though his dark words were soft and reassuring they landed heavy on me. He said that I was his…and that I need not ever doubt that he wanted me and that he would take me whenever he wanted me. He asked me if I knew that I was his and of course I did. He told me that I never looked more beautiful than I did at that moment. Then he kissed me, he kissed my lips and my hair and all the marks he just brutally covered my body with.

I was still positioned with my bottom in the air and my chest and head pressed into the bed only now my face was turned towards him. He said everything that I had hoped he would. He wasn’t worried about Liam or anyone else….it didn’t matter. What mattered was what just happened…what mattered was that he could take all of that from me and more whenever he desired. I think he meant more to me at that moment that he ever had before and I had never felt so owned.

caning · D/s · flogging · Liam

Intentional Pain….part 2. From Richard

Last night, at the end of the hours we spent together, after I had hung her upside down on her cross, after I had flogged her, after I had caned her very, very hard, even after I had fucked her into several more uncountable orgasms, I pushed pixie back onto the bed and said, “I am going to put a mark on you, on the underside of your arm, where you can show it to Liam.  I want you to show it to him, not to rub his face in it, not in a negative sense or as an exhibition of my power and control over you, but as a means of showing him what you need.  I want you to how it to him, and I want you to tell him ‘I like this.  I liked getting this mark and I like having it on my body.  I will want you to do this to me.’

I want you right now to push on this mark, and the bruise under it, and hurt me.'”

I pulled her arm to her side as I reached into the cabinet for a whippy, plastic cane.  I stretched her arm out from her body and held it up from the bed, so that I could get a good follow through with the cane.  She looked at me with fear.  She whimpered in anticipation.  I stretched her, I told her to tighten up her arm, to extend it as far as she  could.  She turned her head to avoid looking.  I brought the cane down hard across the tender under side of her arm.  She cried out.  I pressed my lips against the mark.  She resisted, she pulled away.  I persisted.  Again she pulled away.  Finally, I held her tight and pressed my lips against the spot where the small red line was appearing.

Later, she told me that it was so erotic, but that the anticipation was almost more than she could bear, that my telling her what I was about to do, and why, and what I wanted her to do afterward, was so hot.  She also
told me it was incredibly cruel.  I agreed.  Really, she told me it was “almost cruel,” and I replied that no, it WAS cruel.  I long ago gave up feeling guilt about this cruel streak, applied to submissives who crave it.  What a great symbiotic relationship.

Unfortunately, the mark faded quickly.  I will have to reapply it with a more suitable cane.  I want Liam to see what she needs, what she likes.  I want to see if the visual excites him, if it has an positive effect on him.  I want her to be able to share this with him, to show him how much
she needs it, how she enjoys it.  I think this might be the first learing experience I am able to give him.

bdsm · breast torture · D/s · dating · ice · M. · Richard · S/M · wax

Email from Richard

I had a date tonight with Liam….so much is happening here I am having trouble keeping up with it all. I HAVE to catch you up. He now knows about Richard…knows I am submissive and as it turns out has had some D/s experiences of his own. I must have an antenna for men like him…though interestingly enough Liam is NOT an attorney, a profession that both of the Dominant men in my life have in common. Of course my antenna hasn’t always been accurate, look at Jay. A nice guy but not at all Dominant.
Anyway…so tonight I was out with Liam. Really he was here at my house and we were talking about Richard and the future..I even told him about M and how that came to pass. I feel extremely connected to him right now. It feels good to talk to him and suddenly realize he understands me and that he is worthy of my time and therefor my words. I like how he listens when I talk to him and the speckles in his eyes.

It was nice being with him..relaxing here at my home. It seems so right when we are together. It felt so right when he kissed me and held my hand. He didn’t try anything else really. I like how his hand rested on the side of my neck when he kissed me and the way he smelled. He said I tasted sweet and that he could kiss me on and on if he could. He kissed my neck and put his hand on the back of my head in that perfect kissing grip.

Argh…anyway enough about that. What I really wanted to say is that my head is on straight. Richard and I are perfect…Liam has Richard’s blessing to go forward with me and I have convinced Richard to not give me up a second before he has to. He is good for me….he makes me a better person and brings so much clarity and focus to an otherwise random mind.

So tonight after Liam kissed me goodbye and left I couldn’t wait to see if Richard had emailed me. I was in that soft, girly romantic head space that Liam brings out in me when I opened this email from Richard. Subject line simply said…..Good Evening My Sweet cunt. Nothing like a reality check. 🙂 I am wondering how this is all going to play out. Richard is my Dominant….he has enough testosterone for 15 men. He also has a jealous streak that he barely represses when it comes to me. Yet he wants to do right by me and knows Liam is good for me. Liam is also a Dominant man though not as experienced as Richard. He is possessive yet cautiously so as he knows an ultimatum at this point would mean he loses me.
Anyway….so I wanted to share Richard’s email. I think he must have been thinking of me tonight.

Subject line: Good Evening….My sweet cunt.

Imagine yourself on your back, with your butt in the air, perhaps with your back up against a sofa, so that your weight is on your shoulders and your legs are up and your feet are near your head, but your ass and cunt are facing up and exposed. I am putting a candle in your cunt and in your ass and lighting them. Soon hot wax begins to run down the candle, and onto your most tender spots. The hotter it is, the more it hurts, the more you squirm, the more wax runs down. After a while I take the candle from your cunt and drip hot wax on your nipples. I take the candle out of your ass and make you hold it in your mouth, being as still as possible to keep the wax from running down onto your mouth, lips. In the end, I press the lit end of each candle against the skin on your stomach, putting the flames out with your tender skin.

It hurts, and it makes you cry.

But I am not finished with you.
As a nice change of pace to the heat of the candles, I go to the freezer and bring a bucket of ice cubes. I slowly push an ice cube into your cunt. Then another. And another. I fill your cunt up with ice cubes. I also slip a few into your ass. Now you are so cold you can barely stand it. So cold it hurts. I begin to fuck you, sloshing in and out as the ice slowly turns to water. Your cunt is like an ice bucket, ice water sloshing out and running down your legs as I push into you. Periodically, I push more cubes into you to replace the melted ones. The cold makes you clench so tight that when you finally clench with an orgasm, you are so tight I can barely move in you.

You are such a cunt. After I cum in you, I return to the freezer and get a popsicle, which I fuck you with. Finally, I take the cum-covered, cunt-juice-soaked popsicle out and make you eat it.

Good night, my submissive slut, my toy, my fuck-hole,
your loving owner,

bondage · breast torture · control · D/s · life lessons · limits · limits lost · restraints · Richard · S/M · September · spanking

An early fall……..

Sometimes September is kind enough to allow us perfect days. It has always been a month that I both loved and hated. It is a month full of special memories for me…some bittersweet and some that replay often in my mind. I love fall and the feelings that the cooler air and falling leaves bring to my life. I love driving down the road and watching the leaves fall down around my car as they spin in my wake. I often imagine they are falling just for me…
I love the smell of the woods and how the heat of the warmer days…really just there hours before linger right above the forest floor. The scent moist, earthy and primitive. I love the lessons learned from fall…the reminder that life is full of change. That after every rebirth of spring and summer there is the cold of an early fall. With fall comes choice…with every new season comes a new beginning, new memories, new experiences.

I am still learning so much. A big lesson……never, ever say to your Dominant…”You would never do that to me.” I have mentioned this lesson before…laughed about it as I casually tossed it out to you. Richard has the luxury of allowing me to amuse him at times yet he also has the luxury to call my bluff…to teach me a lesson…to never let me forget the rules of this game we play so well.

So what does this have to do with fall. Really…nothing. No, just kidding. Fall was all around me Sunday. We were driving home from the beach. Where we live there is really one major highway that connects our houses…our jobs…really everything. It takes me the entire way to the beach. We were on this long flat road just driving and talking….Richard was encouraging me to nap because I was still sleepy from a weekend in the water. Remind me to tell you about our amazing trip…although Richard spent much of his time fussing at me for swimming out too far in an ocean full of sink holes. 🙂
So anyway…back to the trip home. I really..really had to pee. And instead of getting the ‘you should have went before we left the hotel’ lecture he teased me and said he was going to pull over and make me go in the woods. Laughing I said he would never do that. He said he would…and not only would he do that but he could imagine stopping the car and walking me deep into the woods only to tie me to tree. I laughed at him. Can you believe that…even knowing Richard the way I do…I laughed at him. Now I will leave it up to you to decide if this story is true or not because I don’t expect everyone to believe me. But this is how it happened. He stopped the car and walked around to the trunk. Pulling out a bag he walked around to my side and opened the door pulling me out beside him. A car buzzed by and we both ignored it. Surely he was joking…he would never…could never really do this to me. We were on a major interstate highway. I frantically looked around for a sign to point out to him where it stated this was illegal. After all weren’t the woods off limits except for hunters and animals. He led me into the woods that were really thicker than what they looked like from the side of the road. The air smelled like pine and the strips of blue sky above my head got smaller and smaller the further we walked. It was still midday but the trees provided the night that we needed to make what he was about to do secret and dark.

He found a tree that he liked and pressed me stomach first againt the bark. I heard him drop the bag at his feet. He didn’t speak. I only heard the life of the woods and the swift unzipping of the bag. I heard him remove a rope from the bag and I whimpered as he wrapped it around my waist and then the tree I was holding on to. He lifted my shirt just enough to tie the rope around my waist and then he brought it around the bulk of the tree. The tree was large enough to where it would have been impossible for me to wrap my arms the entire way around. I wore khaki shorts and a white polo shirt. He pulled my shorts down and tossed them to the side and I stepped out of my sandals. I felt his hands at my waist and he lifted my shirt over my head. My toes curled into the crispy carpet of leftover summer benath my feet. I had white panties on and a matching bra. I felt him pull out another rope from the bag. “Put your hands over your head” I obeyed and he wrapped the rope tightly around my wrists. He tossed the rope over a branch above my head and stretched my arms as tight as they could go and still leave my feet on the forest floor. I moaned with the effort to hold the position until my body was able to relax into the security of being bound. I had forgotten the scariness around the possibility of being discovered at any moment and tried very hard to concentrate on what he was demanding of me. I felt him kneel behind me and attach the leather restraints to my ankles. I heard the rattle of wood and metal and his voice telling me roughly to spread my legs. He attached a spreader bar to my ankles.
I was bound as tight as I had ever been. I was helpless and more than a little bit afraid. I trusted him yet this was uncharted….this was only a fantasy and not something that I thought could actually happen. He walked around the front of the tree and put his hand in my hair. He pulled my head back and kissed me deeply….dropping hard kisses down my neck and shoulders across my back. His fingers pinched my nipples hard and sanded them against the roughness of the tree. I moaned and my knees threatened to buckle with pain and desire and fear. With all the good and the bad mixed together I wanted this. I loved the fear that danced around the back of my neck and the linger of need that dripped down my legs. I felt a peek of sunshine through the shelter of leaves and was warmed by it and by his touch.
He began to spank me. Hard..over and over on my bottom…on the backs of my legs..on my calves. The sound echoed through the woods and I heard a flurry of startled birds and chipmunks scatter away. I craved the hand that punished my body…I loved the blows that fell upon my skin. I only tolerated him stopping because I knew he wasn’t finished. I heard him rustle in the brush beside me. I turned my head just in time to catch him as he walked back towards me… a thin piece of wood in his hand. He was breaking off random leaves and letting them fall back to the forest floor. He whipped the small branch in the air beside my head and I flinched. I felt it on my back. One …two…three…four hard strokes burnt into my skin. I felt like one with the tree as I pressed so hard into it. My cries were lost in the woods. His hand landed on my shoulder and brushed down my back. My skin burnt and itched from the bite of the branch…as my sweat mixed with the small cuts the wood made. He wasn’t finished and I felt it slice through the air again…five or six more blows across my back.
He asked me if I still needed to pee. Did I still think he would never make me pee in the woods? He said he was going to continue doing what he was doing until I peed. I swallowed hard suprised at the coldness in his voice..warmed by the pulsing desire coursing through my body that he had the right to do this to me. I loved the feeling of strength I felt that I had was able to offer him the gift of my submission…that I had given myself to him in this way.
Somewhere in the back of my head I may have still doubted that he would actually make me pee…that he would beat me until I did. The next ten or so strokes across my bottom and the backs of my legs convinced me he was very serious. The raggedness of the branch cut into my skin and I knew it broke in many places…not deep but enough to sting crazily. I was asking him to stop knowing he wouldn’t, he reminded me all I had to do was pee….I couldn’t make myself. It seemed like such a simple thing. I almost could tolerate the pain of what he was doing more than I could possibly imagine the humiliation of peeing in front of him on command while being strapped to a tree in the middle of the woods. The switch came down again and again biting into me…again into my back and my calves…my bottom. I felt hot and sweaty…my throat was raw from asking him to stop. I was amazed that this was the same man who had just spent two days frolicking in the ocean with me.
He stopped and walked back around to the front of the tree. He was speaking and I could barely hear what he was saying. I heard him call me a slut…he said I was his to do anything with. That he could leave me here strapped to this tree if he wanted. He said he could fuck me right here…or let anyone else fuck me too. His words pushed my mind some place dark and I felt lost in that submissive place that can cradle me so gently. I felt his hand in my hair and his fingers again against my nipples. The pull of fingers against tight flesh swirled the desire around in my mind as it mixed with the pain and the pleasure and the red faced humiliation of what he demanded of me. I relaxed into my submission…and let my pride trickle down my legs with the release he demanded from me. I felt tears on my face….as I realized he had just taken it all.

Like I said September is a month of hard lessons…a month of change and growth. It is a lot like my relationship with Richard. The unyielding closing of doors…the gifts that are given that can never be taken back. Gifts like pride and desire and love….and complete submission.

We didn’t say a whole lot on the way back to the car. We didn’t have to. His hand was large and warm and comforting around my own as he led me out of the darkness towards the sunshine. I don’t remember the walk too much…just that the air was cooler. Fresher somehow than it had been on the walk in. Things felt different and like the start of every season I knew things would never be the same.