spanking

pleasing Richard

asleep.jpg

Sometimes people will make comments on my blog about my level of submission to Richard. They wonder and sometimes marvel at my ability to take what Richard gives me. Readers see him as a demanding sadist….as an Owner who has high expectations. He is. I wouldn’t change any of that.

I don’t always bring him joy. I am needy, require a lot of attention, sensitive and even forgetful at times. I wonder sometimes how he can put up with having a sub like me? A few days ago after there were a few incidences where I wasn’t as careful as I should of been. I got the following email. It listed my infractions from not returning a call to leaving my web cam at work….

“……I’m sure every one of these has a good explanation.  Cumulatively, they
just wear me out.  I have higher expectations than this, and not having my
expectations met is first surprising, then annoying and ultimately tiring.
 I’m tired.  Going to bed.  Tomorrow will be another day. R”

I got to tell you..it hit me like a truck. I felt a sense of dread..a physical response to his words that instantly ruined my day. I annoyed him…I made him tired..did I make him question my submission, my devotion to him? Was he mad at me, was he not going to want me anymore? I hated..hated..hated that I disappointed him. I see my role as the one person in his life that should only bring him pleasure. That is why he has me…what my purpose is in his life. And yet I bring so many insecurities with me. I was sad and distracted all day…even after we spoke and he reassured me all was well. That he was over it…my explanations were enough. It settled around me and I felt cold.

My need to please him is strong, as strong as anything I have ever felt so it is rare that I write about not meeting his expectations. I have explained once before that when Richard demands something of me it is always with the calm assurance that I will obey him. He has never raised his voice to me, never touched me in anger. I have let him down before, I have fought him, I have struggled against him. I have told him no. I have stopped him mid-scene and watched the play of emotions cross his face. Slight annoyance, a touch of disbelief, and lots of patience. Yet he has never forced me to continue…not with force. He is like the brilliant teacher who can quiet an auditorium of 200 middle schoolers by walking up on the stage and raising his hand to get their attention. That is why Richard is able to pull so much out of me. He handles me with extreme care and patience. No less demanding and ten times as meaningful as physical force.

Last night I was beneath him…on my tummy on the bed. He was inside of me and he could tell his deep thrusts were hurting me. I was torn between the pain of his cock deep inside of me stretching and pulling at me and the sharp sting of the strap as he brought it down across my back. Somehow it all sort of collected above me, through me and all around me. The pain does that sometimes. It then settles into bites and sparks of incredible pleasure that fire in all directions centering though deep in my core. It’s as if I know not where it comes from only that it is for his pleasure that I take it.

He speaks to me when he fucks me….makes me say the most horribly erotic things. He said from above me…Your owner is fucking you in the ass….do you like that? Say you like that. Say- My owner is fucking my ass. I obeyed him. I felt my fingers dig into the sheets beneath me as he quickened his thrusts inside my body and put more force behind the already stinging strap. Say it again he said. I said it again. He tells me what a slut I am when he fucks me….he likes to hear me say that. It pleases him to hear that come out of my mouth. I love pleasing him. I was pleasing him last night because he got down really close to my ear and whispered to me.

“My precious toy…your owner loves you.”

14 thoughts on “pleasing Richard

  1. This is goooood! i love your ability to construct an erotic and thoughtful post that speaks to me. It’s amazing what those words spoken from our Owners do to us… Amazing. i LOVE this piece.

    toy

  2. pixie,
    I think you are artificial and your writing makes you look like a spoiled brat.
    “….I see my role as the one person in his life that should only bring him pleasure. That is why he has me…..”
    and you are what to him? a toy? a fucktoy?
    Get over yourself.

  3. uh,… actually elf, that is exactly what she is to me, by her own choice. Sometimes she is my toy, sometimes my pet, sometimes my fucktoy, sometimes my slave, but always, always my submissive cunt. Have you been hiding under a rock or something? She makes no secret of it.

    Of course, if you think that is all she is to me, you obviously haven’t been reading.

    and such a comment would indicate that you, on the other hand, must be a completely insensitive, mean-spirited person. It always makes me laugh that people like you even read blogs like this. Did someone put you up to it? LOL. But then we’ll never know because you find the blog so “artificial” that you won’t be back to read it again, right? 🙂

  4. me? insensitive?
    are there mirrors in your home? in yours pixie? perhaps your ‘apartment” surely you must have a mirror there?

  5. Words such as were whispered to you pixie are so easily grasped and enjoyed and you are indeed very deserving of them, Though in reading the recent entries, with both yourself and Richard knowing things will at some point come to and end, Could those words in fact be a hindrance, or make the separation all the more difficult between you both?
    Trust me, i understand the need within oneself to hear those words and when they are spoken we grab hold of them and we hold onto them, keeping them close to our heart and replaying that moment over and over again.
    In no way do i mean to put a dampener on what was whispered to you pixie and in no way do i wish to demean Your words to pixie either Richard, i guess as an avid reader it sparked a sense of concern for when/if that day of departure comes between You and pixie.
    Richard only you know where this will go and for how long it will go on for, as pixie’s Owner her path from here on in lays in the palm of Your hand, though forgive me if i appear to be stepping out of line here, but words such as “I love you” can in a girl’s mind lead her dream and conjure up many things within her mind and words such as You uttered are seldom forgotten by someone as devoted as pixie is to You.
    You say You could and will set pixie free to live with, love another Dominant/Master/Owner, but maybe in just those few short words You in turn bound pixie to You in an even greater way than she already was, Knowing one is “loved” by someone seldom allows them the freedom to willingly walk away and from what i have read i somehow doubt that pixie will ever truly come to a place of willingly letting You go, rather i think pixie will do it because she knows it is what must be, because of other things in Your life and perhaps even because it is You who determines what, when, how and why.
    Many people can and do believe in the ability to love more than just one person (another each to their own thing)
    Regardless though we readers are merely absorbing what is typed here for us to peruse, it is Yours and pixie’s journey and i wish you both well for the remainder of it.

    ~Namaste~

  6. puppet,
    thank you for your words this morning. reading the concern in your words makes mean spirited comments like the two above less painful.

    everything you said is right. i can’t argue with a word you typed except maybe one. Richard loving me will i think make the pain of our separation less not greater.
    Eventually.
    I think it will be his love and the memories of how that love made me feel every single second he was in my life that will make losing him survivable.
    To me sitting here today, not having him is unthinkable. It is the darkplace in my mind that i can’t avoid visiting because i know the day looms ahead of me.
    you were also right when you said that words uttered are rarely forgotten. i welcome that because who would want to forget words such as these, moments such as the ones he gives me.
    we both know this will end. and we both know he will do it. and we certainly both know that it will hurt. even typing the word hurt….it seems so small and insignificant to how this will really feel when it ends.

    maybe the words are a hindrance. maybe they should have never developed let alone have been spoken between us. but what a wonderful hindrance, what an amazing, tangled, satisfying mess this is.
    did you know that the very first night Richard touched me he put his hand on my face and told me not to fall in love with him? i don’t regret for a second disobeying him.
    and you are so right puppet, everytime he says those words to me i am bound tighter to him…yet the same is true for everytime he touches me, or calls me or smiles at me, or hurts me.
    him loving me has not given me the illusion that the outcome of our relationship will be any different than what i have always known. it has made loving him and knowing that someday when this is all said and done that the pain i feel was worth having him in my life. people can’t go through life pushing the good things away because they can sometimes hurt. Richard taught me that.
    thank you again puppet for your words and for sharing them with me here.

  7. i too feel that “hit by a truck,” intense feeling of dread that you describe when i disappoint my Master. Nothing makes me feel worse than knowing He is disappointed in me.

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