still i ramble on….

Is there a limit on how long a submissive should be tied up? Of course a good sub would say the only limit is her Owners imagination. I am a good sub. I know that I can put my mind in a place where there is no doubt at all that my purpose is to please my Owner. It is in those moments where you surrender that last bit of free will…that last tiny shred of pride, dignity, and humanness. It is in those moments where you are on your knees handing it to him as fast as he can steal it away. It is such a gift, it is such a responsibility and when it is right…oh, it is truly right. Often Richard and I will discuss his rights over me…where we used to have some simple rules they are now just ingrained expectations that for the most part I follow without too much redirection. After all I am educated and intelligent and can follow a simple rule. And his expectations are certainly in keeping with my own self admitted flaws. I do not get enough sleep for example. I have a bed time. That may seem so silly to some but to me…a person who in many facets of my life can not self motivate small rules with consequences are a blessing. They do not restrict me they enhance my ability to manage my life. It is not a game. It is all so very real. So real it is scary sometimes where this has gone. Wonderfully scary.

But back to being tied up. I think about that a lot. I think of the depersonalization aspect of being restrained. Not just being restrained but being tied and ignored…of being forgotten and used only when he needs me. For whatever purpose..sexual or otherwise. I long in some ways to experience that type of slavery….the serving aspect of it. It is so different than serving someone sexually..so different than taking pain or being humiliated but being used for the day to day mundane tasks that we face. I am not sure why this is in my mind tonight. I have an idea. In one of Richards conversations with L he was trying to explain to her the dynamic of D/s. He was trying to explain to her that I will do anything he asks of me…that my need to please him is stronger than any preconceived hard limit I may have still floating around in my head. I would do anything he asked. He told her as an example of course and not because he was planning on doing this…that if he told me to drive to their home and give her a foot massage that I would without hesitation do so because he told me to do it. I am not sure if she totally understands yet as this will be a long up and down and spread out process. I think his example was accurate and more than a little erotic. Imagine being told to give your Owner’s wife a foot massage….odd how my emotions here are mixed. Why does my masochistic sexual based brain see ‘hotness’ in almost everything?

OK..once again, back to being tied up. Early on in my relationship with Richard he introduced me to being hog-tied. I can’t type that word without getting aroused. The tight leather holding me completely immobile…a spreader bar holding my knees open so he can see and explore everything…..laying on my stomach vulnerable to him..what could be better? I do not think he has ever untied me where I didn’t long for more of that tight feeling. I want to be tied up until I whimper for attention…until I am ready to beg him for stimulation. I want to be tied and left….I want to be tied up and periodically remembered just long enough to have him fuck my mouth or play with me somehow. Maybe leave my bottom open and filled with a plug..preparing me for his cock when he returned. I remember wising that before Ms.Anna left the relationship that we had an opportunity to do something like that…I imagined him tying me up. Being played with and tortured….humiliated…all the dark things that sometimes flow from my brain into this blog is what I imagine them doing to me until I am begging for them to release me. Only they don’t. They pleasure each other as I watch…yes, I am a masochist. 🙂

My thoughts lead me there….they lead me to the darkest moments with Richard when I knew in my head he was going to hurt me more than I wanted to be hurt. The times when he has cruelly hurt me…where his sadism pours out of his body into mine. And I take it all…even when I stop wanting to take it I take it all. Because that is what I am to him.

11 thoughts on “still i ramble on….

  1. I cant believe how much i have missed reading your blog. Being tied up is such an emotive issue with me. I love it yet hate it. My Sir is like Richard, he will do what he wants and sometimes i am scared yet that same scariness is what turns me on. Pain wise though, i can take far less when secured than i can when i am secured only by my own obediance and his dominance

  2. Hog-tied? I will have to look into this further…..

    When I picture your encounters/meetings with each other, I can *see* you Pixie as being so small, almost tiny (although the picture at the top of your blog means that you do not need to imagine what you look like). And I see Richard to be a HUGE beast of a man, very tall, fit and muscular, with piercing eyes…… Richard’s writing oozes dominance and that is why I picture him as I do.

    Is that the case? Or is he very different from my perception…..?

  3. Richard does sound pretty hot Pixie. I’ll bet a bunch of us girls would love to know what he looks like.

    By the way Pixie, and Richard too for that matter, thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with us.

  4. LOL let’s just leave me to your imagination – it is probably better that way 🙂
    (still smiling about the huge BEAST of a man comment).

  5. I am so embarrassed now! Have turned a lovely shade of red! Probably the same colour you turn Pixie’s bottom!

    Richard, I will always think of you as a beast man! : – )

  6. While we’re musing aloud … what is with all these Richard-Doms anyway (and where are Richard and Amy of 24/7?)

    Is is that Doms have to be Big Dicks? :^)

    Oh, yeah, like I named them, and nobody else wondered. Heh.

  7. i love being hog-tied too. The first time my Master put me in that position i was immediately aroused. i wrote a blog post about it, how i’d always thought of bondage as just functional, but that showed me that the actual experience of being in bondage could be arousing all on it’s own. Last weekend He bound me with my legs spread on an end table, and i had that same reaction. Mmmmm.

  8. sub-lyn…i know. once Richard had me tied in front of a bed using the metal foot board as kind of a large spreader bar. my arms were ties to the tops my legs tied to the bottom..spread open giving him the access he desired. tight bondage is wonderful….combine the tight pressure with the helpless vulnerability that comes with being restrained and it all of a sudden turns magical.

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