change · collar · focus · HNT · pixies pictures · Richard

changes…and my first HNT

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Change always comes bearing gifts.  ~Price Pritchett 

There are a million emotions inside of me.  

I am working through them one by one. I am happy with where I am with Richard right now. I am lucky and beyond pleased to be able to say that. I was so worried as I realized right after Christmas that what I was getting from Richard all of a sudden was not going to be enough. An Ownerless pet…a Masterless slave….how sad. I didn’t want to face losing him…and I knew he needed me too. And then almost overnight he decided to risk it all to keep me. This major life shifting decision to tell L about me…changed everything. I was overwhelmed with his reasoning…he was giving her the chance to accept him for who he was and what he needed. He also risked her saying no…and knowing in his heart that he was ready to let her go if that was the response. A horrible place to be…things are better now. Not settled…still a lot of firsts ahead…still a lot of pain yet the truth is out. The chips are still landing and some of them force us to duck and some of them land gently right where we hoped they would.

 I realize that all of that worry of losing him is behind me. I know that Richard is not giving me up. I am secure in his Ownership of me. What I am dealing with now in my head is the confusion….all the paradoxes of what I tell myself I should be feeling and how I actually feel. I feel selfish for thinking of myself at a time when L has had her world rocked the way she has. I feel selfish that I worry my Owner with my behavior at a time when he should be concentrating on her and making this work with both of us. We had a slight Liam issue both last weekend and the other night that resulted in complete restriction of me seeing him. Although Liam is not my boyfriend anymore we are maintaining our friendship until such a time when I feel I am better equipped to handle a relationship…in other words for as many wonderful qualities Liam has there are things about him that unsettle me. I figured out that I may have been unconsciously acting out to test Richard and once I realized I was doing that I decided it would stop. Was I thinking…let’s see if he is too distracted to discipline me if I need it? Part of me may have been thinking that and I hate that.  

As we discussed it this morning…he said to me.. ”You know, I hate punishing you.” I had that sinking feeling in my stomach when he said it and all of a sudden the truth of what I had been doing flooded over me. I felt ashamed that I worried him, and I promised myself that I would do better….be better and try only to bring joy to my Owner. That is my goal…to be the best pet ever.  So I acted out…I think he saw it for what it was and didn’t feed into my need for attention. A brilliant Dom…he did what was best for me. 

I am learning more about myself through this process. I am learning my role with Richard all over again. I love my role…it is calming me and leaving me with such good feelings about myself…about him..about the little pocket we have created for ourselves in each others life. Yet, things are different.  It is good for me. I was spoiled this summer…I had him all to myself. I was with him all of the time….we went on trips together…swam in the ocean together and we were able to sleep curled together all night. It was easy to pretend. There were times that I would let myself think it could be more than it could ever truly be even though I had his list…and my own list of why that would never work. Sometimes both lists made little sense to either one of us so it was easy to fold them up and hide them in a drawer somewhere and pretend the summer would never end. Well it did end and with fall came the worry of winter and now all of that is behind us and I am ready to move forward and face this new world with a brave face.  Now I am finding joy in my role as pet….as Owned property. I am allowing the confusion to slip away and be replaced with a deeper submission than I ever thought possible.

I am realizing quite suddenly how easy it is for me to snuggle back down into that cherished role of pet. It is simpler than the alternative. Serve him..Obey him…help him deal with all that is going on his life..I am thrilled to be the one he confides in…the one he needs and wants to pour his dominance and sadism into. It is deceptively simple. I want to be that in his life…the one that makes everything else so much easier to tolerate.  How ironic that I may in fact make his relationship with his wife better. What better gift can a pet give her Owner? I am amazed that I am here..that in my mind I have found this wonderful settled place. I know more angst will come…that I will allow doubts to surface. But deep inside of me I am settled.

I long to take pain from him…I know it will only make our bond stronger. I am trying hard to not think about him playing the role of attentive reassuring husband at home and really working hard to appreciate the part of him that I get. In my heart of hearts I support that…I support him in his quest to have it all. To help him maintain this life long relationship he has with L has become important to me. That is one of the paradoxes…because when I think of him with her…touching her I feel sick. Yet…it is important to me that it happen. It would do him long term harm to lose this woman that he has been married to since before I was born. I support the continued viability of that relationship. It is reinforcing my submission to him…I am becoming a confidant of his….more than I think I ever was before. I feel like we are redefining our relationship. I feel cherished and loved by him more than I ever have and I am trying to figure out exactly why that is. Because at the same time I know I am sharing his affections and his time more than I ever have before.  

I find that part of me rooting for him…knowing that I want him to find happiness at home. In turn he will bring that happiness back to me. Regardless of all my doubts if he is happy…I am happy. I am secure in the fact that I am Owned…that I am a loved and a cherished pet. 

Tomorrow night I am his….it is our first meeting together that she will know about. She knows he will spend the night with me. I wonder if it will change the dynamic at all….will it be better..worse..or all together the same? I worry about her and the emotions she will be experiencing as the night progresses. As a woman I can imagine how she will feel knowing her husband is with another….feeding a need that she can barely understand. I am finding myself feeling waves of tenderness for this woman that I have never met. A sort of kinship with her that I know she neither wants or needs…but in truth we love the same man. We are loved by the same man and she like me is willing to sacrifice to assure his happiness.

54 thoughts on “changes…and my first HNT

  1. wow, i feel for her as well… what a tough thing to go through, knowing your man is with another woman… and all night. I am happy things are working out for you. Welcome to HNT. It is a very lovely picture.

  2. I was SO wrong when I said it sounded like you didn’t respect “L” and her relationship with Richard in a previous post, I really am sorry and hope that you accept my apology.

    I think that everyone feels for her in some way or another, I know that I do.

    It is a pity that she is not able to see this post from you; to know that you are not in the relationship for yourself, that you care about Richard’s relationship with L. You seem very nurturing to me, and that is great quality to have.

    I hope that you enjoy your night with your owner, I’m sure that you will.

  3. dear pixie, thank you for this. I know, as many will not, that this is a snapshot; that your work is to maintain this settled feeling through the ups and downs all of us are facing and trying to deal with; that there will be days when the snapshot looks quite different, depressingly different. But for now, today, tonight, you are in a good place. Be strong and hold tightly to this place, especially tomorrow when you know I will be trying to reassure another that her world did not end overnight, that she is loved too.
    You are owned and loved – do not let that thought get far from your mind. Perhaps tonight I will give you a mark that can remind you of that fact, that you can look at and know I am thinking of you; something you can touch and re-create the pain of the moment you got it, and know I am still with you. Plan on it….
    your Owner,
    R

  4. I am not sure who I pity the most. Two emotions surface for me here. Envy and pity. 🙂 They fluctuate. I feel terrible for L and what she is going through. I envy Richard. Nothing is changing that. The picture didn’t help.

    My heart is with pixie right now and I may not have the support of all her readers when I say that. The line above where Richard said “especially tomorrow when you know I will be trying to reassure another that her world did not end overnight, that she is loved too” tore my heart out for pixie. I know a lot about the workings of the submissive mind. She will need reassurance knowing you are with another coming off of what sounds like an intense evening. Did that need to be said? She is putting on such a brave face and it is almost as if you just rubbed her little nose in your plans for the weekend after you have taken your fill of her. I am disappointed in you Richard.

  5. I’m not trying to speak in any way for Richard obviously, but I think I see where he was coming from. I agree Pixie is putting on such a brave face, and is secure in her feelings as of her writing, and knows those feelings will fluctuate. I think Richard really knows her feelings will fluctuate and is trying to kind of prepare her, or remind her of where he will be over the weekend. I read that he is trying to keep her in a good place because he will worry when she’s not.

    And Pixie, if it helps at all, you really can feel good at how much Richard loves and needs you. I consider it to be a monumental event that he ever told his wife. You mean that much. I consider his wife to be in the worst spot, after all, you know he really would rather be with you.

  6. I am impressed, Pixie, with your courage and compassion. i can’t help but think that Richard would not be who he is without that long-term relationship. The history they share cannot be ignored. Good for you for seeking a way to honor that relationship at the same that you seek to maintain what you have with Richard. It’s takes a stronger and better woman than I could ever be. It is a testimony to the generous nature of your heart. Richard sure is lucky to own you and be able to rely upon you in this way.
    Peace, Radha

  7. yes, Dr. Dom, you have pointed to the one line that might hurt pixie, and she just told me she loves you for calling me to task on it. 🙂

    However, please read the comment as a whole and understand it is the first step in my efforts to give her “reassurance knowing you are with another coming off of what sounds like an intense evening.” Just as L knows where I will be tonight, pixie knows where I will be tomorrow. It is no secret. We have already talked about it. We know it will be a hard place for her. My telling her to be strong through it is not rubbing her nose in it. It isn’t like my comment was the first time the thought had occurred to us. Both L and pixie need reassurance, both will get it to the best of my ability. Both are already getting it before tonight has even happened, and I meant this to be part of that.

    I know tomorrow will be as hard for pixie as tonight is for L. I am encouraging her to stay strong through it and offering up a means to facilitate her strength and resolve. I regret you read it otherwise. And I will never have my fill of her.

  8. Oh? And as for whatever personal question you need to ask of me. Pixiepie know how to reach me if she would only think about it.

  9. I truly wish all of you the best in this situation, but right now I can’t help but hurt for “L” and find Richard selfish here, to put your need above the woman who has given you most likely her entire adult life a week or so to absorb tearing her world apart, announce your going to your pet, that you’ll be back tomorrow to reassure her, that “her world did not end overnight” when she has hardly had time to get her head above what I’m sure feels like drowning.

    Richard when you leave Pixie tomorrow, she is already promised a ‘mark’ for her to focus on, your reassurance that her world will not end. And Pixie knows what she is to you and knows her role.

    What are you leaving your Wife with. She has to knowingly watch and accept you… Her Richard going to another barely if at all understanding his need to do so. She will be left alone with nothing but her thoughts, her feelings and obviously a love for her husband that she wasn’t even aware wasn’t/isn’t enough for him.

    I really do understand that you probably are doing the best you can considering this self made mess you created……I would have just thought you would have given her more time to emotionally accept sharing you before actually being faced with it, I can’t begin to imagine what this night will be for her, at this moment I find “L” to be the strongest of all.

  10. Selfish? I admit, I do want it all. I do want to maintain a relationship that I value and I do want to have all my needs fulfilled. That is the truth. And I have decided to stop feeling guilty about that.

    What am I leaving my wife with? That is exactly the part of my life I have chosen not to share with you. For you to make assumptions about that, particularly negative assumptions given what has been written here, is perhaps a bit presumptuous.

    I think we all agree that L is facing the hardest choices and will have the hardest time dealing with all this. Again your assumptions about this and the timing of my meeting with pixie are based on not having all the facts.

    I am sorry if I cannot share all of that part of my life with you. I hope you don’t all make the worst assumptions based on knowing virtually nothing about what is going on in my home, but I do not intend to enlighten you regardless of how you ultimately judge me.

  11. H does raise some interesting points………however regarding them seeing each other, in a previous post Richard has already explained and told L the nature of his and Pixie’s relationship, the parameters and that not seeing her until “this is sorted out” (between Richard and L) is not an option, and not fair on Pixie so I do not think that it is fair to take either Pixie or Richard to task on this.

    Richard – Would you be as open, understanding and accepting if “L” told you that there was another person in her life, her own “Pixie?” Or that she wanted to find someone for herself?

    Pixie – to change the subject completely, you never told us….or perhaps it is with good reason that you haven’t, but who is this Jackson fellow that Richard mentioned is “falling in love with you?” A new suitor perhaps?

  12. Richard – you are correct. And I think that everyone should take stock and realise that Pixie and Richard do not HAVE to reply to our comments, or justify themselves to us. The very fact that they do is a gift; that they are willing to take the time to explain and offer advise.

    Who are we to demand that they justfy their actions to us? We are faceless, nameless, really we are nobody’s. And perhaps we should be a bit more respectful of that and what they both offer. I think DevilBlueDress said it a couple of days ago, something about this isn’t a soap opera, this is real life, 2 peoples lives that they share will us.
    Common curtosy, appreciation and manners cost nothing.

  13. I have been reading your blog for a while now your story is a truly moving thank you for sharing with us .. I make no judgment calls not knowing either of you personally, though I will say this must I truly feel for L when pixie enter the relationship she knew Richard was married if understand correctly she has known about L for a very long time now..Where as L is just finding out about pixie..pixie you seem to be sweet and true ..But my heart aches for L..I truly hope this path you are all on leads to happiness for all in the end

  14. I agree Pixie knew of Richard’s marriage, seemed to know her place … until Richard’s wife was back and Richard was to live his life normally with her. Pixie knew of Richard’s whole life… L just finding out … the secrets, the lies, the deception. While Pixie is a submissive, submitting to Richard, I find her manipulative in knowing the situation and then wanting more. Are we to feel sorry for the mistress? While the wife is JUST finding out the whole deception… and not really all of it or how long he has deceived her.

    Pixie will you be as understanding when Richard needs a new submissive?

    Richard you say you don’t have to explain your life etc., but here it is on the internet for anyone to make whatever assumption they choose to make by the information that is laid out.

    L is not submitting to you, she is succumbing probably out of fear of losing the only life she has known while you have lived a double life. Frankly, I think L is the only one that deserves any empathy in this situation. She was exposed to a lifestyle that she is not informed of and instead of giving her time to adjust she is forced to accept it without anytime to heal.

    Shame on all of you.

  15. I am sorry that you feel judged or that you feel I have assumed anything regarding anything with any of you. It is true I know nothing of your life ONLY what you choose to share here….that is the only thing any of us can comment on. If you didn’t want feedback, why post about it.

    I don’t want or need to be enlightened as to what you do or don’t do regarding your wife or anything else for that matter. I was I thought respectful in my perspective as I read your words regarding this weekend.

    The angry ‘tone’ of your reply suggests maybe I hit at least a small amount of truth. And whether I did or did not and whether I assumed things or not, ultimately makes no differance, this situation is what it is and there’s nothing to do but continue through it…..May God be with you all!

  16. Have fun,but my heart does truly bleed for L ,knowing that you two will be together for the night.I hope she is alright.

  17. A and H,
    i am not Richard’s mistress. i am his submissive. i am hoping the difference between the two does not need too much elaboration or clarification. also, i am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. in my mind i am going through the least here….i am the only one who isn’t standing to lose anything. i know Richard will not let me go. i hurt for L but i do not pity her, i do not feel sorry for her. she is strong and has handled this better than anyone could have expected her to. i do not pity her for knowing the truth, i felt sorry for her when i was a secret, when she didn’t know what made her husband who he is….now i only admire her for becoming more accepting of her husband. a meeting between she and i is in the works and i long to tell her these things. i am not a threat to her marriage…i am firmly in my role as a loved..cherished pet.
    one way to look at what he did by telling her is by seeing it as him giving her a choice. i think it was down to something changing on a large scale or him walking away from this long term relationship. he decided to be true to himself and not be deceptive to her any longer..i see a heightened commitment from him in his marriage. so don’t feel too sorry for her….she is getting her husband back. how can that be bad? and yes it took pain and truth and hard realitites to get him to the point of wanting it to work…he is happier for it, she will be happier for it i think and from where i sit there marriage will be stronger. there will be an added layer there.

    also..i am not seeing how any of this makes me manipulative. and i typically wouldnt defend myself on my own blog but i am curious how being dedicated to my Owner..serving him and loving him and supporting him as he finds balance in his life between me and his wife makes me manipulative? it is because i want pieces of his time..or that i care for him deeply and want him happy? in that i want more, yes. of course i want more of his time..his attention…i am his submissive and i am unapologetically needy when it comes to him. there is no manipulation there….a joy of being submissive, truly submissive is letting go of all those tendencies. i trust Richard to make the right choices..he knows what he is doing.
    yes i knew he was married when this started. not wanting that sort of relationship for myself ..that was part of his appeal.
    and the idea of Richard wanting or needing a new submissive…what? that has never, ever crossed my mind. why would he possibly want a new/another submissive. he has me. 🙂
    thank you for your insightful comments…i am sorry you choose to see me the way you do. i want Richard’s happiness…also, I want L to be happy. i want them happy together but see..i also want to know that (maybe need to know is better) Richard needs me, that he loves me. i have never been so sure of that. and a few weeks ago he and i didnt know if we were going to be able to spend enough time with each other to feed our relationship..and on top of that everything was caving in at home for Richard. in my mind he made a brave bold move ..put it all out there to save what he could. i am proud of my Owner for how he is dealing with me and his renewed commitment at home. certainly you can see how they will feed each other.

  18. Claire…
    Jackson…yes a new (persistant) suitor. too charming for his own good. fancies himself in love with me….sigh. right now i am not allowed to date….not wanting to. but when/if that shifts i will explore it and him in greater detail here. 🙂

    and Claire…thank you for all of your kind supportive comments.

  19. I wish I could be as graceful as pixie, but I’m just not very good at it. Let’s try a few questions just to make a point.

    Tonight, L was:
    1. picking up a new lover in a local bar to get even with Richard,
    2. seeing her long time vanilla lover
    3. renewing a lesbian relationship with her best friend from college,
    4. contemplating suicide,
    5. shopping at the local Adam & Eve store for D/s toys to try out with Richard this weekend,
    6. knocking around a big empty house all by herself,
    7. visiting her mother,
    8. packing a bag and leaving Richard for good,
    9. discussing Richard’s recent meeting with a therapist and confirming an appointment for the two of us next week,
    10. visiting her sister, a lifesyle submissive, to learn more about the nature of submission,
    11. meeting with a priest for comfort.

    The way it was decided that Richard and pixie would see each other tonight was:
    1. Richard told L that’s the way it was, take it or leave it.
    2. pixie put pressure on Richard to push forward regardless of what L wanted.
    3. the therapist suggested that if it was going to happen, it was best to get it over with and see how everyone felt afterwards,
    4. Richard & pixie told L that they couldn’t wait any longer,
    5. L was going to visit a friend and said, since I am going to let this happen, it might as well be now while I have other plans,
    6. pixie, Richard and L discussed the arrangements over coffee at Starbucks and decided on the date.

    Can you see how the answer might affect the assumptions you make about what each of us is doing to get through this? The correct answer in both cases is nobody’s business. So, now that you still don’t know, you can make any assumptions you please and pronounce judgements about pixie and me. You can assume the worst. You can assume that I have made no assurances to L about this matter, my intentions toward her, my commitment to the marriage and its improvement. You can assume I have made no efforts to prepare her for this evening. You can assume L and I have not discussed timing, or that I have just made the decision on my own and shoved it down her throat. You can assume my actions are driven by pressure from pixie. You can assume pixie wants the marriage to end. You can assume anything you please.

    However, when you assume the worst, and comment negatively, you must realize that your assumptions say more about you than they do about me or pixie. And I do not intend to tell you all the facts. I will tell you that your assumptions are miles from the mark.

    I welcome your feedback when it is offered based on what you can see and what we have shared. It should be clear even without my saying so that you can’t see it all, and I have been upfront that I am not going to share much about this aspect of my life. But the feedback has little value when it is based on assumptions that are incredibly negative without foundation, and totally wrong. I am going to go back to my favorite line, “what are you leaving your wife with.” The real answer? Literally tons of stuff, and time, and concern, and discussion, and care, and tenderness, and piles of effort all of which I have not shared and will not share. The accusatory form of the question is based on an assumption that the answer is “nothing.” I have left her with nothing. It should come as no surprise that I get a bit defensive when comments based on very little knowledge of me and no knowledge of what I have in fact left her with pose an accusatory question, implying the most negative things about me, based on assumptions not supported by the record at all.

    It isn’t that you’ve hit a small amount of truth. It is that you have assumed the worst of me, and then accused me of it.

  20. You are writing a story. You are giving snippets of events, conversations, feelings and emotions, even Pixie’s pictures of herself are not full and complete, so is your story here. We as readers read what you give us and from our “own” different thoughts, feelings and emotions. We then draw a conclusion or assumption on what we “think” and/or “feel” about any particular partial event shared. Pixie describes some intense sessions in sometimes great detail, one reader wrote regarding Pixie’s post on how Richard had broken skin due to a pretty severe caning, one in which Pixie described as “one of the hardest she’d ever received” and wondered if this really was the first time skin had been broken, because her conclusion, assumption, “feeling” (not facts) led her to believe it surely couldn’t have been. Other readers conclude or assume based on how they ‘read’ a partial part of the story that they are glad “everything” is working out, went well, is going well etc. And no surprise that even Dr. Dom can read the same post as anyone else and find the one line in which he based his feelings,(for Pixie) and interpreted, concluded or assumes that a particular action or phrase will be “rubbing Pixie’s nose in it” thereby hurting her. (you disbuted that assumtion, because that’s not how you meant for him to ‘read’ it) And Pixie’s partial pictures, we each I’m sure if asked to describe what her face might look like, each have a different assumption of that again based on how we have put together the fragments given here (not facts). I believe we each have even drawn a conclusion or assumption on what Richard looks like, based again on little to no information. All we have is what we each “imagine” something to be like. And that’s bound to be different because we each will see things differently. Does that make one conclusion or assumption wrong and the other right? I don’t believe so. I think we are all right in what we “think” we have drawn from mere words on a paper. I don’t think you are wrong either in your conclusion or assumption of me based on the snippet of words I wrote. By your own admittance, Pixie took them differently or at least more graciously then you did, again because of the place each of you are or were coming from in that moment. You believe you can have the best of both worlds based on a conclusion or assumption that you have and that conclusion is what your holding onto until a moment changes that, and than your assumption might be different. Pixie concludes or assumes that you will never want or need another submissive, because after all you have her, why would you. And she bases this on where she is at the moment. (I assume there are no facts to say things are 100% sure) at any moment a stumbling block may trip her/you up and her conclusion or assumption of this may change…………..Its a back and forth thing. This is life and we assume things about it everyday, and more times than not our actions are based on our “self” drawn conclusions or assumptions. Even with true facts we each will draw and/or take something different away from it.

    As another reader pointed out, we are all nobodies here. We are readers of a partially written story, thus we will by nature conclude or assume something or anything based on how we interpret the story. And that’s why we keep coming back waiting and reading yet another chapter, sometimes to see if “our” assumption was right as “we” saw it, sometimes we are and sometimes “our” assumptions change.

    I am sorry that you concluded and assumed that I have assumed things without facts, thus assuming the worst and accusing you of it. I guess I have, there are no complete facts here only what you choose to share, positive or negative we are all assuming something. I made the mistake in voicing mine, you have put me in my place, I will not be making the same mistake again.

    I still wish you all the best, whatever that may be.

  21. Pixie – thanks for the update! Another one in love with you, what are you doing to them? Do you put something in their water?!?! : – )

    Richard – It seems to me as though people are pushing their worst fears and insecurities onto you with regards to L and taking it out on both you and Pixie. I suppose everyone has the fear that there partner may find someone else, or may connect with someone else on a high level than they do with themselves, discover parts of you that they were not able to etc (I am not saying that you are leaving L etc…….you know what I mean). And I admit, re-reading my first comments when I decided not to be a lurker anymore, and first realised that you were married, my comments were based on my OWN feelings and emotions, how would I feel etc and of course, L must certainly feel the way that I do : – )! People are reacting to this “situation” the way that they would if it was happening to themselves, not reacting to what is going on with you and Pixie. Of course, we will never post comments kissing your arses all of the time; that is boring and not what this blog is about. I personally want to know more about D/s, not just sexually but emotionally as well, as well as what makes you both tick etc and yeah you can expect some questions from me, perhaps some difficult ones, personal ones that you don’t want to answer and I respect that, but I am not going to pass judgement on either of you and neither should anyone else. It is not fair, we don’t have all of the facts. So, with regards to people slating you etc, sod them. Stop trying to make them see it from your point of view. If they are too closed minded to open their ears and *listen* to what you have to say, nothing that you write will change their mind so why bother? Not everyone will agree with what has happened, but it is done, it is over with.

    (I mean this respectfully) So how about we ALL stop banging on about L, we feel for her, end of. Yeah it isn’t the best situation to be in but she is a grown woman, no doubt smart like Richard and Pixie (I don’t see you with simple ladies Richard hehe), she is of sound mind, she knows what she is doing, what she is getting into.

    This blog is about a persons exploration into submission, Pixie’s journey, so lets bring the focus back onto that.

    So Pixie, tell me about the meeting with your owner last night…..?

  22. Richard wanted to keep you & Ms. Anna, you said you would not share him… giving him an ultimatum… manipulative?

    And yes… you are the mistress.

  23. Good morning everyone. First let me apologize for my rant last night. No one should comment at 3:00 a.m. , especially after a day of exceedingly volatile emotions. And H, let me just say that it is less that pixie and I read your comments differently as it is that she just has more grace than I do 🙂 . Or as she said to me this morning, she is just a nicer person than I am. LOL I am afraid it is true.

    Your last comment is a good description – we are telling a partial story, and you must make assumptions and draw conclusions. And I thought Claire’s point was very insightful: each reader fills in the blanks, makes assumptions, based on his/her own life. Each person projects onto the story how he/she would feel if it happened to them. And of course, in this story, it takes no imagination to know that L is hurting and we can all empathize with her. pixie and I do as well.

    There is a difference between conclusions and assumptions. We draw conclusions based on facts plus whatever assumptions we make where we don’t have facts. What I have tried to suggest is that the conclusions reached will be closer to the truth (and thus the comments made in response will be more valuable) if the assumptions made to fill in the skimpy facts are reasonable and consistent with the known facts. It seems to me to that in the range of possible assumptions ranging from “I am pulling out all the stops to help L through this” all the way to “I am standing coldly by watching her flounder alone” it seems fair to assume something more favorable than the latter, based on the partial picture of me that is available here. Maybe not, but I would hope so. If I have defended myself too vigorously, I apologize. I suppose there have been times when I have been a cold-hearted bastard, but this isn’t one of them.

    And Claire, you certainly should not kiss our “arses” (you are such a Brit, lol). Keep the questions coming, and don’t take offense if we don’t answer all of them. 🙂

    One last thing: to state the obvious, this is pixie’s blog and pixie’s story. I have become part of that story, and have shared some of myself here voluntarily. That is not true of L, and I won’t be sharing her story here. First, she wouldn’t want that. And second, pixie doesn’t want her blog full of comments from me about all the wonderful things I might be doing to help L through this hard time. That is not the story being told here. So this is the last thing I intend to say about that.

    If you see things differently from me, please feel free to say so – I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t or shouldn’t make a comment sharing their take on things. pixie and I both take them to heart and learn from them. And a willingness to defend your view is probably a good thing, given my propensity to argue 🙂 and H, I do appreciate your response.

    You all will need to make assumptions to fill in the blanks in the story. I can only hope you are charitable in choosing among the many assumptions that could be made.

    Oh, almost forgot. A, there was no ultimatum given me about Ms. Anna, nor would I have accepted one. The choices I made were mine alone.

    I hope you all have a great weekend.

  24. Hello Pixie, hello Richard.

    Your story has captured my interest and provoked emotional responses from me like no other blog I read. I feel a great deal of empathy for all three of you in this current situation, having been in the position of Pixie, Richard and L in my time. (ie I have been the “other woman”, I have been the stunned wife and I have been the one in the middle, trying to keep two loved ones happy). It will never be possible to portray all the details and complexities of such a situation, not without all three of you writing blogs from each individual perspective. And even then it wouldn’t give a true picture, we all filter information, both consciously and subconsciously.

    As soon as you take the decision to write about your sex lives, your relationships, in a public forum you’re setting yourself up for judgement. Writing a blog about your personal life is rather like going on a reality TV show. You expose yourselves and wait for the bouquets or brickbats to be thrown your way.

    I think, overall, you are thrown more bouquets.

    Hugs.

  25. “Two separate relationships…he would Dom her. He would also be Dominant to me. I think it was as close to an ultimatum as I could have given him. I told him that I didn’t want to share him. That I would rather not come between he and Ms. Anna and that if she meant that much to him then he needed to let me go and give her all of his Dominance because she deserved that. I told him that I deserved that too and that I wouldn’t be one of two.”

    Pixie’s own words Richard. Doesn’t a true submissive knows they cannot ask such a thing of their Dominant? They ask to be released if they can not bend to what the Dominant wants or needs.

    I stand by my interpretation of what Pixie has written.

    She maybe labeled “your submissive” and she may have started as such, but she turned into a jealous mistress.

    My best to L.

  26. i think that this is one of the pitfalls of writing about a lifestyle that is unfamiliar to many people…especially in a blog that in many ways feels like a cherished, secret diary but yet is on display for the entire world. Sometimes people on the “outside” (which, truly, is anyone outside of Richard and pixie in this particular case) have strong emotional reactions to what they read, relating to it on a personal level and responding to it as they would if it were actually happening to them, when in fact…this is an entirely different lilypad.

    Comments will always be there – unless, of course, they are turned off. =) i applaud Richard and pixie both for allowing comments to be made on such a personal commentary, and also for handling negative responses with intelligent discussion.

    And just in response to A….

    “Doesn’t a true submissive knows they cannot ask such a thing of their Dominant?”

    Oy. What exactly is a “true” submissive?

  27. God…what emotion this tale is engendering in the masses! i only have time to skim thru the comments, focusing on pixie and Richard’s replies..i totally agree with him that we all are bringing our own personal perspective to THEIR story. And i, personally, loved the rant as i had considered many (not all!) of those options for L.

    My personal opinion here is the TRUTH is always better between adults. Richard is a sadist and the owner of pixie. If he chooses to say things that might hurt her or unsettle her, he knows best the ramifications of his actions. If he is choosing not to allow her to have any fantasy of what she is to him, i feel he is being honorable and helping her grow in her submission to him. pixie, by her own word, is a true masochist..well, this situation would seem to be a masochist dream. What beautiful suffering!

    i, too, empathize with L, having been on that side of the equation. So, to me, i know that even if she is in pain now and maybe even wishes Richard didn’t choose to become honest, at some point she will have the opportunity to reflect and come to realize it is better to know the TRUTH rather than wonder why things feel a little off. Self delusion only works so long for most of us.

    So i see Truth building Trust between owner and pet and Truth setting Richard free to live life in the light. Good luck to all!

    pixie…the photo is beautiful and captures the image i carry in my mind of you. i am greedy, tho, and would love to see your owner’s mark.
    Just saying….

    ~nik

  28. I don’t want to be overly negative for no reason, but I recently commented something along the lines of Pixie not wanting to share Richard. A – you found the words I had remembered reading about Pixie not wanting to share Richard with Ms. Anna. It amused me when I first read it. Not that I actually would want this to happen, but imagine if Richard told Pixie there was someone else, another submissive besides her. Of course I could be wrong, but would Pixie think of it as a “gift” of the truth of who Richard really is??? Just calling it how I see it. And you know, I’m not even saying Pixie is “wrong or right”, or judging, it’s just how she feels and what she demands in her life. And she is sharing Richard with his wife, so I guess she is sharing after all. I for one can’t imagine how it will all work out well, but you all truly do have my good luck. I don’t envy any of you, it sounds too difficult.

  29. True submissive is the wrong words… I mean one that is truly submissive… the submissive puts their owner’s needs before their own. She continually talks of her need to feel needed to feel wanted. I think they both need to go back and reread many of her words through this journey.

    I am with sweetness. A difficult mess that I would not want.

    All I can say is careful of the things you do and to who, karma has a way of coming back and slapping you up along side the head.

  30. Excuse please Richard, may I ask a silly question? Are posting from home or Pixies the only reason I ask is was’t yesterday and last night Pixies time with you and today and tonight L’s time with you? I don’t know how these posts time work? It said you posted at 2:41pm… Anyway good luck to you all…

  31. It is ok – I don’t take offense. I ask a lot of questions, I know that. I can’t help myself, but I appreciate you both taking the time to answer them. I am here to learn after all?!

  32. A – near to an ultimatum. Did not have that effect on me. I made my own decision. why do you doubt that?

    the time stamp on these post is weird, his fawn. I commented around 10 a.m. on Saturday

  33. you are a completely selfish bitch and I hope you rot in hell for what you’ve done. breaking up a relationship and then whining about it like anyone should really feel sorry for you. you are just simply sorry. Richard is not a man, to destroy L that way and for you? I’m on L’s side…to hell with both of you, you deserve eachoter. One day he’ll find someone else to dump you for and then you’ll really understand how L feels. Enjoy your time together, hope looking in the mirror at yourselves becomes easier you pathetic pieces of shit.

  34. Richard, twist the words how you want, she manipulates you emotionally. I find it humorous now these submissives that are owned by married men then cry when the husband goes to his wife. Give me a break, you are all using D/s lifestyle to wash your guilt of being the cheater, liar and selfish people that you are.

  35. good morning all. 🙂

    the luxury of having a blog is being able to hear so much insightful stuff from so many intelligent people. not the case right now i am afraid…no offense to my intelligent readers and commenters.

    to those of you who are bitter and are being mean and spiteful…why do you read me let alone comment?
    i am but one of a million blogs….please don’t stop reading me…your comments and insight amuse me. 🙂 thanks!

  36. Interesting stuff..I figure I might as well add my two cents…seeing as though everybody and their dog has done so.

    Opinions are like assholes..everyones got one. And sometimes the people sprouting off their opinion are assholes…so you get an asshole giving his asshole opinion.

    It’s complicated.

    Anyway,

    I totally support Richard and Pixie..and not just because I want to hear more about their hot, sexual D/s relationship 😉

    Richard, I understand where you are coming from more than you know. I don’t blog about all the details of my life either. Frankly, it is no one’s business but my own. I TOTALLY get the complexities in a marriage that would drive someone to search outside their primary relationship.

    Life is very short and to live a life without being fulfilled is not really living at all, it is just a sad and empty experience.

    I say forge ahead, hope the chips will fall into place and most importantly.. keep enjoying and loving one another.

    From one who knows,

    K.

  37. It is very amusing – to think that someone has taken the time and energy to write something like that. I imagine that they spent even more time re-reading their comments to ensure that they had just enough venom in them, changing them, swearing thinking that it will make the impact even more hurtful, no doubt laughing to themselves and feeling quite clever – thus using up MORE of their time just to post something on a blog about something that they do not agree with….

    All that time and effort wasted………and they didn’t even get the reaction that they hoped for…….quite pointless really don’t you agree Pixie and Richard………?

  38. “Opinions are like assholes……..everyones got one” – I LOVE that phrase and I have never heard it before. Although when I use it I am going to have to change “ass” to “arse”, no offense, it’s the Brit in me!

  39. Richard for years you have lied to your wife. LIED. You never know, she might have explored that with you but you never gave her that choice then, to accept or leave. You have had previous relationships Ms. Anna and in another post you mentioned having let go of someone for their own good. Now 10 yrs with Ms. Anna and not one word to your wife about who you truly are. In walks Pixie, young, new life, she obviously needs emotional training. She states she wouldn’t share you with Ms. Anna, then talks on here about how hard it is that you are with your wife. You two lived a fantasy life during the months your wife was gone. She dabbles with Liam, Liam obviously not able to handle that you have more say in her life than he does. Goodness understandably so. Pixie states in her blog she is not poly, that you are. She has difficulties with this obviously, emotionally attached to you. It has gone past the D/s role play.

    Now after how many years you can’t live with a lie. Pixie states in her post that L is allowing you to keep her. You state you gave L the ultimatum that she had to accept Pixie’s role in your life or walk.

    I have no problem with poly relationships. It has to be consensual for all but see Richard you have been poly for years without your wife knowing. Now in a matter of a few weeks you felt the need to tell her… why? because Pixie was having a hard time adjusting that she could not have as much time with you as previously? You lived with this lie for NUMEROUS years. Now L is to accept it or walk.

    I never involve myself with anyone that is in a vanilla relationship, commited to another, especially in a marital bond. That should be above all respected. Such lack of respect for others here.

    I followed this blog for quite awhile, suspected Richard was married from Pixie’s posts. Pixie has Topped you emotionally.

    Best of luck to all and mostly I hope L survives and come out on top of it all.

  40. i honestly can see this whole situation from every vantage point and truly feel for all involved and it makes my heart hurt.

    this comment therefore really is for A. while i understand your position on Richard lying to his wife, however imo i think it’s a bit presumptuous to assume that he’s never tried to broach this subject with L. have you never put just a little bit of yourself out there to see how it would be received, only to have it go awry?

    to claire – there is a little more to that saying, it goes as such. “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.”

    pixie, i truly enjoy your blog & reading Richard also. it’s my sincerest hope is that everyone comes out of this emotionally in one piece.

    hugs, elle

  41. I use to read your blog until I realized you’re a liar and most of the crap you make up is fantasy and not reality. Richard is a piece of shit. To hurt his wife just to satisfy his own urges…that’s not intelligent or mature. Believe what you want, I just came back to see how many people agreed with me on what a total bitch you are. Looks like I’m not alone. I don’t find your life interesting, I’m living a real 24/7 Master/slave relationship with my HUSBAND of 12 years. I won’t be back to read your garbage and I can’t wait until all of this just explodes in your face. Maybe I will pop back in a couple of months, just to hear you whining about the loser dumping you for some other whore. You both still deserve eachother….miserable pieces of shit. One last note just so I feel better – no one ever thinks about the wife. She’s just the poor stupid woman left behind. Well, fuck you both. She’ll move on and become better and stronger for getting that asshole out of her life. If he’d leave her for you, then YOU get to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder waiting for him to leave you too. He will. Go on making up your stories and wanting everyone to believe they are real. Hear me now PixieBitch fans…she lies! The crap she writes about is not 100% true. I’m sure some of it is, but what she fails to mention is she imbelishes alot of it too. Rot in hell you stupid pathetic whore.

  42. It seems that Pixiepie’s posts has begat some interesting comments as well as a couple pieces of garbage.

    Commenting on this blog is a first for me, and approach it with a unique perspective – being that I’m Ms Anna’s husband. I’ve kept from commenting here mainly because Ms Anna can fend for herself quite well. So I’m not going to comment on Pixie’s writings although they’re well familiar to me and Ms Anna well reflects those opinions.

    I write this in direct response to pinkroses, as a fellow blogger and as a practitioner of the lifestyle we all enjoy.

    When you accuse someone of lying when you have no real proof simply makes you look like the typical judgemental goofball who hasn’t the openmindedness to really appreciate the lifestyle in all its forms. Stating that you’re 24/7 and have a husband does nothing for me, and it certainly doesn’t qualify your comment to be more relevant any anyone else’s, for the whole of your post says it all. I’ve met your self-righteous, name-calling, blog-trolling ilk before. The trouble is that you really have nothing to day that is worthwhile, so your turn to vile and cowardly profanity and focus on trying to hurt someone you obviously don’t know.

    I’m sure you’ll be doing some rotting in hell yourself before the day is over.

  43. :::smiling::: Yes, the cat’s out of the bag now. The above poster is my husband of many years. We have an open relationship and he was always aware – and approved – of my involvement with Richard, so thank goodness there will be no drama in our home similar to what’s going on in Richard’s home.

    We live an open, poly lifestyle. And we do it very successfully. That doesn’t mean its easy…its still marriage and it still has its struggles. But for us…it works.

    Just two other points I’d like to make:

    1) Yes, Pixie did indeed give Richard an ultimatium. It was what it was. Problem is, he didn’t really have any choices to make so the ultimatium was essentially moot. I’d already walked away from the relationship. So Pixie got him by default. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing…just saying that’s how it was.

    2) Although things haven’t always been peachy between me, Richard, and Pixie, I certainly wish them no harm. So it disturbs me to see posts like those from PinkRoses. Honest, sincere comments are one thing, even if they are contrary to the opinions of the majority. But hatefulness is unnecessary and unwarranted.

    They’re having a tough time. Pixie is young and she’s in love. Richard (well, I want to say Richard is OLD, but I’ll be kind ) is struggling to have it all. I have my own opinion on all that, but being the private person I am, I’m not sharing it here on this blog. If you can’t be supportive or say something remotely worthwhile, let it go.

    Live and let live.

  44. Didn’t think I’d comment again, but WOW – pinkroses – calm down or you’ll have a stroke over this. You seem far too angry, an opinion is one thing – but you are spitting out pure venom. Hey, affairs happen round-the-clock. Richard just reached his breaking point instead of lying forever like most probably do. I still think that a connection like what they seem to have is so rare that it is all consuming and cannot be ignored.

  45. just for the record, I attempted to discuss this subject many times. Usually met by the comment “those people are sick.”

    But I doubt that matters to some people.

  46. for goodness sake, all of a you. have a little self respect!

    viscious vituperative venting does nothing to enhance your own standing as a judge of moral weakness.

    we are all of us to some extent or other living (or wanting to live) outside the norms of society, have our own levels of comfort, and should think twice about condemning what others do. i also think we should beware of saying what is “real” submission, who is the “real” dom, what is a “real” D/s or M/s relationship. there is no BDSM pope issuing encyclicals on the ways of the true religion. people in a relationship must in the end find their own way and make their own rules of what works for them while being mindful of the feelings and lives of the people affected by their choices.

    certainly, i have my own thoughts on this situation, but like everyone’s they are coloured by experiences both devastating and joyous. so i’ll hold back from making any comments.

    except for this: yes, we all live by our own definitions, and are more or less deeply immersed in power exchanges and the roles we play. but we also live in the regular world. at a certain point we have to drop the roles, remember that EVERYONE is fallible, EVERYONE is human, and everyone is responsible for her or his own choices.

    as submissive as pixie is, she is a grown woman and will indeed have her own wants and needs. she also must take responsibility for her actions and decisions and how they affect other people.

    as sadistic and controlling as Richard may be, he is a grown man, decades older than pixie with, i should hope, the perspective that sometimes comes with experience. he is also someone who has kept a major part of who he is hidden from his life partner. it is scary revealing who you are, especially if you value your marriage. it is also hard on a marriage when full, honest communication is missing.

    it is definitely hard on a spouse to realize that there is something in her marriage she (in this case) didn’t know about her mate and cannot supply, then seemingly (as far as we can tell) has to chose to continue things the way he wants or not at all.

    i’m getting off track. the point here is that at some point we have to stop thinking in terms of dom and sub and owner and slave and infallibility and extra neediness. these are not excuses or validations. in the end, we have 3 people who each want (and need) as much happiness and peace of mind and sense of self-worth as they can haul out of this.

    and neither trashing them nor idolizing them will help them gain perspective. it takes time and space to think and process so that each of you – L and pixie and Richard – can sort things out and finds the right answer for yourselves.

    i wish you all a lot of luck. i know it’s not easy. and for the rest of you, perhaps this is a good time for us all to look at our own lives and think of how we might look to other people.

  47. so nice to see that Mr and Ms. Anna made an appearance…as you both know your comments, like everyone else’s are always welcome.

    i hope this will be the last comment on this post…but somehow i doubt it will be. i write the truth here in my blog..they are my experiences, my fantasies coming alive and all the thoughts deep from within me. of all the negativity soputed off here today from people who for whatever the reason find themselves sad and miserable the only comment that bothers me is that my writings are made up. i won’t defend that here. my words and emotions speak for themselves. i truly do not think such ramblings deserve me defending myself. i write here for myself..it is a gift i have given myself. i blank page where i can let everything pour out of me…i was naive when i first started blogging as i thought noone would ever find me let alone read me..and the biggest stretch of all is that people out there would be interested in what i am doing. what a blessing..what a gift this has turned into…although i started this thinking i would never be judged i realized that my skin is thicker than i thought…the mean comments slide away and leave behind a slight shake of my head at what could have possibly made people so mean. so bitter. i feel sorry for people who take the time just to say something mean. like Richard said it says so much more about the writer than it does about the person they are slamming. life is so short and every second precious..why waste it being mean. don’t take minutes out of your life to leave spots of negativity here…find your own outlet. please do not clutter mine. i wish the mean people peace and leave them with the hope that whatever pain that is heavy in your heart, that makes it so easy to project your own bitterness and ugliness here, will somehow surface and be able to be wiped away.

  48. “How ironic that I may in fact make his relationship with his wife better. What better gift can a pet give her Owner? ”
    Am I the only one wh read this? Is this manipulative? Is she really this evil little pet who wants to steal her beloved owner away and be the cause of the end of a relationship. One that he claims publicly to value?
    I don’t think so. Good luck pixie and Richard. Some of us get it.

    I see the difference between being Richard’s submissive and being his mistress or girlfriend. Love has nothing to do with, either does having needs and making them own.
    Some of us don’t get it.
    pixie, you handled all who do not with the same grace and trust you show Richard.

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