bondage · breast torture · caning · D/s · daddy/little girl · knife play · pain slut · pixies pictures · restraints · Richard · S/M

Friday night

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Friday night was amazing. In my mind it has somehow chopped itself up into small distinguishable parts that ultimately come back together. We were relaxed with each other..I was positively giddy just being with him. I knew he had plans for me, plans that could quite possibly give me some of the hard pain that I so desired from him…the type of pain that he had been hesitant to deliver because of my experience with Liam. The feeling was in the air that I had been nurtured enough…

So much happened. I love the way he and I flow together. We play off of each others moods and needs and we realize they can change in any given moment. The evening started out innocently enough. I asked permission to freshen up in the bathroom of the apartment. He of course granted my request and gave one of his own. He asked me to not undress just yet. I had come directly from my office and still wore a small skirt and button down top and sweater…not quite school girlish but close. Close enough to put thoughts in my Owner’s head. 🙂

I emerged from the bathroom and he was standing there at the door. He grabbed my arm and pressed me against the kitchen wall. He kissed me…he asked me how school was going…if I had left my backpack at school? Uh-oh…I knew where this was going and right away felt my cunt clench involuntarily.

“How is daddy’s little girl?” he asked me standing closer to me, making me feel smaller than I even am. ”

All this led to one of the hottest daddy/little girl moments between us…it was perfect. I just don’t feel like writing about it right now….but it led us to what is on my mind right now.

Afterwards we were laying together..breathing together and just feeling lost in the moment. Above me some ropes had slipped sown from the high backboard of our bed. I knew he had them secured tight…tight enough to hold me. I was on my back and he was by my side with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I wiggled away and reached playfully for the rope. We just talked softly to each other for a few minutes and as we did I played with the ropes…eventually winding them into the metal clasps of my wrists restraints. Richard laughed at me and fixed the knot so he could tighten the rope and lift my arms straight over my head. He straddled me and looked down into my face. I felt his hands brush my skin and pull through my hair…his fingers resting on my nipples before pulling them hard. Playtime was over. He has large hands and my breasts hide beneath them….he is rough as he pulls and presses into my body..his fingers leaving dark and red smudges against my white skin. I am moaning aloud at the pain and the pleasure of it. I like when he handles me this way..love that the laughter is gone from his face and the intense…concentrating look is there..the one that whispers he is going to hurt me…that I should be ready because I am His and that he can do anything to me..anything at all to my body. It is that face that tells me I am his slut, his cunt and that he will make use of me in anyway he desires. I am his..his words and his look tell me that.

His hands were hurting me..I felt the pulses of his fingertips with the pounding of my own blood in my ears. I get so eager right before I know he is going to hurt me..my body jumps at it sensing that something deep within me needs this, needs him to somehow feel centered and complete.

I loved the pull of my own weight on my wrists and I loved feeling it in my back and my shoulders. He had tightened the rope so my head wasn’t fully making contact with the bed beneath me. As hard as that was I liked it because it tilted my head back..allowing him access to my throat and my neck. I knew the knife was still somewhere near the bed and he wouldn’t hesitate to hold it at my throat, to drag it between my breasts creating a tiny bloody path to my cunt…as I leaned towards sub space I half hoped he wouldn’t….yet half longed to feel the cold metal against the delicate softness of my neck.

The warm feelings of being totally vulnerable and at his mercy were thick around me..I can get quite lost in feeling that helpless. The knife never reappeared. He left me for a moment and opened the cabinet close to the bed. He straddled me again and showed me what he was holding.

“I love this cane.” he said in a matter of fact voice. The one that tells me he is detaching parts of himself from me..almost like he needs to pull away slightly from the love we share and focus on giving me the pain that he needs me to take in order to satisfy that drive inside himself. Only I know that he does not..that our deep emotional connection is what makes this possible. Love is not a hindrance to his sadistic brutality rather for me and with me it is a catalyst, it is what feeds the exchange. Now that I recognize it for what it is…I crave that from him. I know that beneath everything he does to me he does it never forgetting that he loves me, that he is responsible for me, that into his hands the safekeeping of another person has been delivered. That makes me feel taken…completely taken and engulfed by his need as my own need to feel pain, to feel vulnerability and helplessness is met. He has never let me down..it is amazing that we meet each others needs so perfectly.

As I write this I think back to a comment that was made by a reader about being a true submissive..I think it said something about a person not being a true submissive if they wanted their own needs met. It is so clear to me…being submissive is my need. So aren’t I in fact meeting my needs just be giving myself to Richard? (Duh…) And by that definition there would be a lot of lost submissives…it is a circular. I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t grow from it, if I didn’t crave it and need it and desire it and him so.

But anyway…

The cane started tapping on my right breast. He still held my nipple…pulling it away from my body stretching the already tight skin out so it was almost taunt. He talked to me..he said so many things…sometimes I feel the need to not leave his words out here for all to read. Sometimes I type them and selfishly delete them only to wrap them all back around me and keep them all to myself. Words are like magic when he covers me with them…almost like small secret thoughts that only I can see…that only I can understand. I love being that safe place for him…it reminds me of his own vulnerabilities and makes me love him even more.

The cane was relentless. Richard brought it down across my breasts over and over. His other hand had left my nipple to play in my cunt…as asked him if I could please touch myself. He allowed me to…and I surged forward in my desire when his hand was free to come back to my breasts. In all the time I have known Richard…this was the most severe caning he had ever given me on my breasts. My body was there the entire time…my mind was aware of the pain but somehow it was filtered. The noise of the cane was somehow louder than it’s bite. The ache, the sting, the tearing hot feeling of wood against soft skin was ever present yet somehow my mind made it into pleasure. I felt nothing but alive…tingling with sparks of light and desire and hot need as the cane brutally snapped against my skin. I heard his voice..I heard him exclaiming that he couldn’t believe that I was taking it for him…and then it came down harder and faster and still I didn’t resit. I knew somewhere in my head that I should be in agony..that the swing of the cane should be making me scream and twist and pull away…yet it did not. At one point he dropped the cane and I begged him for more…I didn’t want him to stop. The energy of him getting what he needed was all around me..we were feeding from each other. Like sustenance. I could have taken anything from him at that point..given him anything..allowed him to do anything he wanted.

When he stopped again this time he ignored my plea for more…he said he risked taking me past what was good for me. I remember whimpering into his shoulder as he untied me…and I remembered him gathering me close to him and his grip on me damp body was so tight. We give each other this. This wonderful ‘thing’ that is impossible to write about as it can’t be fully captured using words. I haven’t the ability to get it just write…to put you there like I wish I could. It is visceral and elusive…and I can only hope that those of you have felt it understand it and those of you who don’t can try and see how it all falls together. What makes it flow and dance as if the best and the darkest in each of us has somehow found it’s match.

I know he held me for a long, long time. He always does when he knows I need it…he has too. That is why he and I will never again attempt a quick afternoon meeting involving pain…it takes more from me than it leaves me with. It damages me and being the Dominant that he is…he will never damage me.

I want to write more about this night…and I will. I have been out of town this weekend and am finally home. Home and exhausted. I think I am meeting my Owner for lunch tomorrow….it is past my bedtime and I feel it. Goodnight for now…

10 thoughts on “Friday night

  1. Pixie, I for one can tell you that I read your descriptions with a strange sense of longing for your feelings. I have never experienced pain and don’t think (?) I ever want to, but you know you make me wonder what you are feeling and make me open my mind to the possibilities. And even though I’ve never felt it, I associate your descriptions with any great pleasure I have felt. I almost don’t want to call what you feel “pain” because you seem to be feeling pleasure. You are getting it through, at least to me.

    My favorite line is “What makes it flow and dance as if the best and the darkest in each of us has somehow found it’s match.” I like that imagery of the best and darkest. Interesting.

  2. your picture pixie is pixie-perfect! i like knowing the image in my mind of this fairy-like little person is correct. you are tiny!
    how do you take what you take? Richard you should be ashamed of yourself! lol, jk of course. with her being so young and now we know..so small (so that really IS her up top? wow..) how does that add to the dynamic of what you two have? i know peoplle are a milllion sizes and shapes but for some reason i have trouble imagining this huge towering woman being submissive, anyhow i am glad i do not need to imagine here any longer.

    you both have my support. i love this blog, it is a daily read.

  3. I have to laugh – yes, yes, yes it IS pixie at the top of the page. She is tiny, like a PIXIE! LOL.

    Yes I am bigger than she is, like 98% of the men in the world, but no, (to Claire’s earlier comment), I am not a huge beast of a man (which has both of us smiling every time we think of it!!). The phrase has moved into our vocabulary – I tease pixie about the huge beast of a car she is driving, for example).

    To pixie’s post, I DID stop twice and say ‘I can’t believe you are taking this.’ It was incredibly intense, unrelenting; she was not twisting to get away, or crying, or resisting in any way. She just wanted it, and wanted more. She was in the zone, and could have taken anything. I stopped for her own good, knowing that she would be bruised the next day. Of course, I didn’t stop until I pulled a huge orgasm out of her. 🙂

    I have my own favorite moments from Friday and hope to have time soon to write about them.

    pixie pie, the world looks bright today, and I am smiling at you. 🙂
    R

  4. That post was so intense – it seems that you are both pushing your boundaries all time, not settling in one place, getting used to it and then trying to move it up a notch – it has given me a lot to think about…..my own journey is going quite slowly, I want to hurtle forward at breakneck speed into my submission but I think that at the moment “he” is trying it on for size, like a new jumper, seeing if it fits, if it is itchy or if the fit isn’t quite right. I do not want to push him and then for him to not enjoy it or not want to progress it further. So for now I am hinting gently but I do not want to take the power away, that is my gift for him. It is very hard, I am learning more and more but do not want to turn it around and dominate him. D/s is, for me, at the moment, a difficult concept to grasp. If only there was book “D/s for dummies” – I would snap that bad boy up! He knows that I am an avid reader of blogs, some vanilla, some D/s some just about sex in general. Was thinking that I may introduce him to your blog and Persephone’s, so he can see different points of the spectrum. Do you both think that I am on the right track? Or am I about to ruin it? Please let me know.

    The funny thing is, Beast is the name for my partner, well my “pet” name for him anyway. I hardly ever call him by his real name, and if I do, even after 5+ years together, it feels very strange for me to do this. So you can imagine it can be very embarrassing when we are in the pub and I say to him “Beast, want another drink?” while our friends are sitting around. It is ironic though as he is far from a Beast; he is 3/4’s on an inch smaller than me (I am 5 6″) and it very cute looking; like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth! Hardly beast-like at all.

    Is this the same for you Pixie – do you ever call Richard, well, Richard? Or do you refer to him as owner/sir/master/daddy etc all the time? Would it be deemed disrespectful to call your owner by his real name (If Richard is his real name……?!?!? It could be Cuthburt! ha ha ha……..not that there is anything wrong in being called Cuthburt; it is a lovely name…….very distinguished……….am shutting up now, I fear a backlash!)

  5. Hi Pixie
    It sounds like things are going well with You and Richard… am so glad. i could read the pain and fear of poosing him – and Him of loosing You too.
    Am glad you are working through it.
    My Master and i have just been through the most life changing event i’ve ever experience, i’m still not ready to blog about it. We survived and are closer than ever, i find my submission in the valleys. But then it seems each trip back up the mountain is scarier because you know what it feels like to fall off.

    I’ve love to chat and exchange links, i’m not sure how to email you though… so i’ll wait on you.
    browneyedgirl

  6. Hi Pixie
    It sounds like things are going well with You and Richard… am so glad. i could read the pain and fear of loosing him – and Him of loosing You too.
    Am glad you are working through it.
    My Master and i have just been through the most life changing event i’ve ever experience, i’m still not ready to blog about it. We survived and are closer than ever, i find my submission in the valleys. But then it seems each trip back up the mountain is scarier because you know what it feels like to fall off.

    I’ve love to chat and exchange links, i’m not sure how to email you though… so i’ll wait on you.
    browneyedgirl

  7. i’ve always found it interesting when people within this “lifestyle” harp on and on about being openminded…

    i’m sure you can see where i’m going. *wink*

    In any case…i was talking about my comments with my Moose this past weekend, and we touched on the whole “needs” aspect that you spoke of, pixie. Basically, my thoughts are on the same page as yours – though i voiced it as more of a perspective shift. i believe that when someone is submissive, there comes a point in time (of course, different for everyone) where their needs as a submissive (slave) simply become the Dominant’s (Master’s) needs.

  8. Hi Claire,
    I understand what you mean about not wanting to take the power away from him by pressing this dynamic into your relationship. Is he naturally Dominant? Is he a sadist, will he hurt you? Do you even want that? My fear is you can’t turn someone into that. I do not think that someone can make themselves be a Dom. Like with L…Richard can not turn her into a submissive.
    Beast…lol. Very nice! So at least his name is Dominant..lol! I call Richard..Richard. I also call him Sir quite often as that just naturally comes out of me when I think of him. I can follow his cues as far as calling him anything else. I can tell usually when he needs me to be a little girl..and I can slip from his ‘cunt’ to his ‘baby girl’ quite easily. I call him Master rarely…usually when I am being just that ..mastered. It slips out during an intense scene at times. Usually Sir…usually Richard but always with respect and deferment.

    Sorry to ramble on…I love your questions. It is so funny that you ask me when I still have so much to figure out on my own. I am flattered and I hope my blog and my insight can provide you and Beast with a little guidance as you move along. It sounds like you are doing just fine. Good luck and let me know. How jealous..possessive is he…I ask because I read a blog once about a girl who wanted her husband to Dom her so she set it up so he could see her being Dommed by another. He finally ‘got it’ and I think they lived happily ever after..lol.

  9. I think he is quite dominant by nature, his opinion is the one that is correct, and when we debate, whether it be about politics or female gofers competing in mens championships for example (Michelle Wie, you let me down) he is always right, and can be quite “aggressive” (not sure if that’s the correct word) in putting his point across. He’ll press me for facts, dates, times, examples etc, usually stand about, walking around (and when he does this for some reason I always sit down) and when he does that I may start the debate headstrong, I do feel myself, not cowering or backing down, but I do feel quite timid,shy,girlie and really aroused. He is standing there, chest all puffed up and then all I want him to do is throw me down and really hammer his point across…LOL!

    I do not think that he is a sadist, and to me honest, I do not think that I am a machocist. Although I do enjoy spanking, pinching and biting, we actively do that anyway, but not as part of a D/s interaction! On e example is that I slouch a lot so he’ll always catch me off guard and growl in my ear to stand up straight and usually pinch my arm and it just makes shiver when he does that. I do think that sometimes he doesn’t even realise that he does it as I tell him he does and he doesn’t believe me.

    I guess what I hope is that we can kinda mesh it all together what we already have and what he already does and explore from there in more of a D/s dynamic.

    I feel quite shy explaining this, as re-reading what you write to what I write, my desires probably seem quite timid. But everyone is different I know.

    Do not apologise for waffling, I am a fellow waffler! I know that you have your own journey but I really do appreciate for you both taking time out to answer my numerous questions and i look to you both for a little guidance and a lot of inspiration.

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