S/M

loving it

I created a tent around us with the blankets. I was by his side curled up against his warm body listening to his even breathing….settled now that a few moments had slipped past. I am always amazed at the tight cocoon-like feeling that is created when he and I are together. It is truly as if nobody else exists. Maybe nobody else does. It is possible to believe that when the hours we spend together drift by like one long moment…like a breath held and silently released.

Time passes slowly….if at all and it leaves me feeling attached, grounded and safe with him. He rolled slightly as if to look down at my face. I was watching him and he dropped a kiss on the top of my nose. “Sir…can I touch you anywhere? May I do anything I like to you right now?” It was a little dark in the room but I knew he smiled; it was in his voice and in his hands as he ran his fingers down my back to cup my bottom slightly. I shivered. I wondered if his fingers could still feel the raised marks his whip had left on me almost an hour before. I could feel them beneath my skin…..surely red and swollen. I liked the thought that he could mark me so and then carelessly play with my pain.

“Yes…you may touch me anyway you like.”

I lifted up just a little and motioned that I wanted him on his stomach. He complied…and folded his arms beneath his head. I felt him relax…knew he was happy with the world…with L….with me and I smiled to myself that he was pleased. I like knowing he is happy. It makes me happy and makes me want to stay strong and focused and be what he needs me to be. I like pleasing him; it completes that submissive need in me to serve. His body splayed in front of me made my fingres twitch….I couldn’t wait to touch him…to taste him and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

 

I poised myself above him for a moment before straddling his back. I worried that he would feel the warm juice from my cunt on his skin but figured it didn’t matter. He put it there. I brushed his fingers with my skin loving the feel of him …wanting to be a part of him  and fighting the urge I always get when I am on top of him…I feel out of my place. It is similar to the feeling I get when he is on his knees in front of me….it makes no difference that I am tied to a cross and he is biting my cunt or strapping restraints to my ankles….I prefer to be the one on my knees. I like him above me.

This time though I fought that feeling and settled myself firmly on his back. Richards’s hair brushes his neck in that sophisticated style that many men attempt to pull of but only a few…like my Owner manage to achieve the intended look. He is sexy and confident and I love the way his hair rests on his neck. So I play with it…every chance I get I play with it. It feels good on my fingers and I alternated playing with his hair and massaging his back.

After a few minutes I scooted lower so I was straddling him more across the back of his legs. My fingers could go lower and brush against his butt this way. (Have I ever mentioned Richard’s butt on my blog…lol? funny how I can feel quite giggly and girly when I do. Isn’t that silly?) Anyway so I started to kiss him…his neck, his back, his ear…up and down his sides. I allowed my breasts to briefly make contact with the hot skin of his back. I felt my own breath quicken in response to the deep moan I heard from Richard. I was lost in the feeling of pleasing him…my mind was all around him and his needs and what he likes. I felt heavy with the need to draw him into me….to give him pleasure. I felt more submissive to him at that moment than I ever had. I realized I was pleasing him…just pleasing him by my soft touch and by knowing what he liked. I ran my tongue along his spine nipping at him softly. I snuggled down a bit lower and gently urged his legs apart a bit more. I questioned him again. “May I please touch you….can I touch you here?” I asked flicking the tip of my tongue between his legs. I wanted to bury my face in him…to pull his scent into my own body so I never needed to try and remember his smell. I know that one day I will try to remember pieces of him and will be unable to recall them exactly. That thought makes me sad enough to cry…because I always, always want to remember his face, his voice, his smell, his hands and the feel of his breath on my skin.

He opened his legs for me a little more and I knelt between them. He was still on his stomach and my hands were flitting across his back. I lowered my head and ran my tongue across the backside of his balls…darting my tongue in and out touching him and licking him everywhere I knew would bring him pleasure. I was spiraling down into a submissive head space of my own making as I continued to grow braver and braver with my explorations. I knew what he liked…and paused wondering if he would tell me. He tells me to do such things….he’ll tell me to put my mouth on his ass….to lick him there. It is easier somehow when his hands are in my hair and he is pushing my face down against him. It is easier when he says the words…maybe because a part of me can pretend I don’t want to do it. I can pretend that I don’t want my face buried between his legs…my tongue circling that most sensitive of places before dipping slightly inside of him. I can pretend that I am not the ass licking submissive cunt he tells me to be and that i am doing it only because he tells me to…because he owns me and I will obey him.

There was no pretending to myself…I was lost in him. Lost in his pleasure, in his total dominance over me….lost in the wonder of what I am to him and what he is to me. I was part of him….not myself anymore but existing solely for his use, for his pleasure. My mouth…my tongue…my fingers all instruments designed to serve him. I was loving it…loving the taste of him. The smell of him…the way he finally pulled me away. The way he savagely kissed my mouth and praised me…told me what a good girl I was….and what a slut I was for enjoying that as much as I did. The way he pulled me beneath him and fucked me hard from behind…pounding inside of me until I felt broken. Broken and sated all at once.

 

The walls are gone, the limits are lost. Were they ever there between us? There is nothing separating his desires from my actions….there is nothing he could do to me that I wouldn’t take. Nothing he would ask of me that I wouldn’t submit to. It is a powerful and yet vulnerable place to be. Powerful because it is my choice. I am his because I so desire…because a need in me is being not only met but consumed. He consumes me. All the bad…..all the good…and leaves me as something better than I was before. And isn’t that the point? So maybe when he is gone and we have both moved on that is all that will really matter…it won’t be that I can’t recall his smell or the exact scorching feeling of his hands upon my skin, or the exact tint of his eyes…. it will be what he left behind. In me…it will be all that he has made me and all that he has given me. What he grew….what he created through his Dominance… through his Ownership…will remain with me forever.

5 thoughts on “loving it

  1. Pixie, this is the your type of post that brings tears to my eyes. Because I know how you feel and how we wish it could last forever. I’ve said I don’t have any “real” experience in submission, but maybe I’m wrong. I do think submission is a state of mind and you’ve expressed it perfectly. The feeling of simply existing for him, his pleasure. It sounds simple but the feelings behind it are so powerful and consuming. I’m so glad for your feelings.

  2. The words you write are like the time we spend together…. each time more compelling, more achingly beautiful, reaching more deeply inside me and touching some spot that feels so good it hurts. When I read this, as when I am with you, I fully understand why I try so hard to totally consume you and make you part of me. And yet, when we separate, even when we are apart a day, I know you will and do take part of me with you. We make something between us that cannot be consumed. Wondrous….. like your words today.

  3. I find myself during the day at times wanting to tell people about you and your blog. Your writing is that compelling. I want people to share in your joy but know it would give people and insight into what I am. I hate the selfish feeling that comes with keeping pixiepiessecrets….a secret. 🙂

  4. “I liked the thought that he could mark me so and then carelessly play with my pain.”

    pixie, what a beautiful and meaningful post. i am with you on this journey. you keep me coming back. what a beautiful spirit you have.

  5. Beautiful but heartbreaking at the same time. Why doesn’t anything good last but something bad lasts a lifetime?

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