Some days are assigned certain colors in my mind. Saturday was white. Odd, isn’t it? That my mind would recklessly paint an afternoon full of passion and heat….growth and acceptance with a color typically reserved for innocence and youth? Yet my mind surrounds the memories with white. It is a color that in my mind that pulls shadows from the darkness and forces us to see them. It is a color that relfects true self. Saturday was white.
When I think of Saturday I think of the long talks L and I had. I think of us sitting in white robes watching the day come to life outside our window as we talked about what brought us into each others life. I think of Richard behind us his long body folded across the bed half dozing yet keeping an eye and ear open for his wife and submissive chatting together.
The moments moved slowly and they crept around us without pressure or direction. It was a melted languid feeling where you think that every blink of an eye was recognized and charted. That is how slowly time seemed to move as we talked, as Richard napped and as the world opened to us behind the glass pane. The sheets around him were white, his shirt white. I wonder what he thought about as she and I formed words around feelings that were unthinkable even days before.
Did he know that our words would change the course of the day…did he know that even with all of the work he put into each of us preparing us for our meeting and the shifting of our roles that it would take the strength of two women together to make it all come together? Did he know we both looked back at him at the same time and smile and then look at each other as if to say….yes, I know you love him too. It was strange for all of that to be so open. She told me I was besotted with him and him with me. She said it didn’t scare her as much as it did before even though she saw it more and more. She held my hand as we spoke.
I wonder if Richard worried…did he fear she would hurt my feelings or I would say something to make her feel bad. Couldn’t he tell that we sensed the peace in the room and perhaps even in our minds we knew the afternoon wasn’t going to end bad….that we would take all of the feelings from the day before and convert it into something good?
After a while longer Richard joined us in front of the window. By now the sun was bright and it was warming the glass in front of us trying as hard as it could to erase the slight tint of gray that still haunted our sky. He hugged L and asked how she was. He pulled me against him and asked if I was alright. We both were. Just talking we said. He stepped back and left us alone for a few more minutes.
He began to photograph us from behind…the white light shining in behind us.