L and Richard are on their way over. They are bringing dinner and we are going to talk. I think we all have come to the conclusion that we need more clarification regarding our roles. L and I are very different. I am the type of girl who really needs a clear picture. I need black or white…..hot or cold. Like I told her gray and warm only confuse me and muddle my mind. Yes….I know considering the state of my mind allowing further muddleification is a problem. I made my needs known to my Owner. I told him I was struggling…that I felt as if I was getting some mixed signals from her. I would get a text from her with a very specific task and she would project this dominant spirit and then the next day she would make it clear that she didn’t see herself in that role. She is a gray person. Not always having a clear picture is OK with her. We may butt heads…lol.
Fact is….I like her. A lot. It is funny because I don’t think we were supposed to like each other. Richard said the other day how different this would feel right now if he had disclosed his need and then the two of them had found me together instead of how I ended up Richards. I think she wasn’t expecting to like me.
I do not think L will ever dominate me in the traditional sense…yet I feel a natural submission towards her. I think she is growing into her role and she is learning how much it means. I suggested we all write down a perfect world scenario…if we could make this the way we wanted it to be how it would look.
Mine was easy. I described a relationship that has three people openly caring for each other and able to give and receive affection without any angst….I described how important it is for me to feel like the submissive…to be able to live that role.
This is some of what I wrote……..
The right players are in place. That is half the battle. I think when Richard found me we were both lucky. We are even luckier now and I truly mean this that all is out in the open and there are no secrets or lies to shade what is so real.
The idea of being in a relationship where I could really feel owned has always been appealing to me. It was the object of my fantasies for as long as I can remember. I have that now. The idea of being in a relationship with a couple….an established couple meaning there is already a committed relationship in place has been a basis of some of those fantasies.
I would like to have a clearer picture of what it is L wants and expects from me. It is impossible for me to not submit to her even if her tendency never leaned towards dominating me. She is the wife of my Owner. Additionally…it just feels right. I am naturally submissive yet it has to feel right for me to offer it.
In a perfect world I would have two Owners. Both committed to helping me learn and grow and be a better person…not just a better submissive. I see a relationship where love and affection can flow freely between adults secure enough in their own role to let that happen. I see no jealously or insecurity in this perfect world of mine because after all…we are all happy and secure in our roles.
I see Richard being my Dominant. He is my Owner…full time meaning it is natural and I am allowed to be available to him when he needs me…not just a weekly dose whether he needs it or not sort of thing. J
I see my role with L as one of deference and respect. A relationship where we never try to compete or do anything that would otherwise reflect negatively on Richard.
I see Richard having high expectations of me….having a larger hand in what I do. I see L playing that role too….I see her as the expert in how to please her husband and being instructive to me so I can please him as well. I see L having a better understanding of my desire (my need) to please him and serve him…and eventually feeling comfortable that some of that is projected on her.
I see myself as Richard’s submissive….I see a strong woman by his side that knows and understands her husbands need to keep me. To hurt me and to show me the love and affection that has developed between us without feeling like it subtracts or distracts from what she shares with him. I know nothing could. I see myself always, always being respectful to L and her role and rights as my Owners wife. I see myself as a meaningful part of Richard’s life and would like to be a meaningful part of L’s. I want to be devoted to you both….to feel as if L has some expectations of me.
When Richard told me L referred to me as ‘our pet’ I literally sunk down into this encompassing feeling of being safe and cared for and accepted. I see myself that way…I know it is hard to understand. For me too.
I like the title…pet. It sums up how I see myself in regards to Richard…in regards to you both. I get sad and angry and jealous too….but only when I am allowed to step out of my place and I have tried very hard to explain that to Richard. He has a way of making me feel very young and vulnerable….and when I am allowed to be in that submissive space nothing else matters. When I feel neglected or forgotten I feel lonely and jealous because I have been allowed to forget what I am and what I mean to this relationship.
In my fantasies I imagine….conversations over my head….two people delighted in their pet….two people confident that they have rights to me and all that entails….feeling like property and being cared for gently and lovingly but also being used to fulfill the sadistic urges of my Owner….not worrying that my need to be touched and nurtured is met with anger and resentment. I can’t handle that only because I see it so differently.
I see….three people committed to each others happiness and security. I never want to cause trouble or distract from what my real role is. I see L as an extension of Richard….I want her to know if she tells or asks me to do something that I will do it. I want her to know that….to expect that. I want Richard to hold me more accountable when I allow my submission to slide. I am happier when he is stern with me….it makes my mind less fuzzy….I need that. I need that as much as I need his tenderness. I need tenderness because it reinforces what we are doing is alright….
I see you both supporting me and helping me into the right kind of relationship. I like when Richard sets guidelines for me. I like/need the curfews….the rules…the restrictions he places on me. I would value that from L too….
I feel safe and valued when I am secure in my role. I am pleased when I am asked to give pleasure to my Owners wife. I see myself as a tool of sorts….something that the two of you can use to please each other.
I would like one day for all of us to be comfortable and feel quite natural enough in our roles so my submission to Richard can be fully utilized even when L is there. I do not see or even want hard pain in front of L.…her distress would change my ability to submit the way I need to.
She responded wonderfully and her email made me feel as if this is all going to work out somehow…that we are all working on this for the right reasons. I won’t print her entire email but her main points were bulleted…..
So what do I want?
First that you please try to remember and please understand all this as best you can.
Then what? To be included in decisions, conversations and texting. It makes me feel like I am involved and I like that.
To work as your Dominant’s wife, an arm of him only when it feels comfortable and not a threat to either of us, or to Richard.
To be allowed to be a mother figure who shows respect, friendship and a nurturing shoulder & here, most importantly, that respect and friendship be reciprocated and not routed through Richard.
To be able to show affection openly, comfortably between us like married couples should and do when happy
To hug you and be hugged back
To not feel abandoned or forgotten when it is asked that you be strong and on your own
Richard is never one to be left out so he also submitted an email explaining his perfect world….I won’t explain that because I think ya’ll all know what he wants. I will quote a short portion….
OK, my turn.
Both of you have taken a really big picture view and I think that is a good place to start. I will address that but will try to get a little closer to specifics to see if I can narrow the conversation a bit, otherwise we will be at it all night, lol.
Big picture: I like that both of you have used the analogy of the family. I told L at lunch that absent children, my perfect world would be pixie living upstairs and all of us being one big happy family.
So we are all moving forward. I think we have shifted to the point where all of us are looking at the bigger picture…that our every action affects each of us. We are all looking at this as long term….I am eager to move forward.