S/M

perfect worlds

L and Richard are on their way over. They are bringing dinner and we are going to talk. I think we all have come to the conclusion that we need more clarification regarding our roles. L and I are very different. I am the type of girl who really needs a clear picture. I need black or white…..hot or cold. Like I told her gray and warm only confuse me and muddle my mind. Yes….I know considering the state of my mind allowing further muddleification is a problem. I made my needs known to my Owner. I told him I was struggling…that I felt as if I was getting some mixed signals from her. I would get a text from her with a very specific task and she would project this dominant  spirit and then the next day she would make it clear that she didn’t see herself in that role. She is a gray person. Not always having a clear picture is OK with her. We may butt heads…lol.

 

Fact is….I like her. A lot. It is funny because I don’t think we were supposed to like each other. Richard said the other day how different this would feel right now if he had disclosed his need and then the two of them had found me together instead of how I ended up Richards. I think she wasn’t expecting to like me.

 

I do not think L will ever dominate me in the traditional sense…yet I feel a natural submission towards her. I think she is growing into her role and she is learning how much it means. I suggested we all write down a perfect world scenario…if we could make this the way we wanted it to be how it would look.

 

Mine was easy. I described a relationship that has three people openly caring for each other and able to give and receive affection without any angst….I described how important it is for me to feel like the submissive…to be able to live that role.

 

This is some of what I wrote……..

 

The right players are in place. That is half the battle. I think when Richard found me we were both lucky. We are even luckier now and I truly mean this that all is out in the open and there are no secrets or lies to shade what is so real.

 

The idea of being in a relationship where I could really feel owned has always been appealing to me. It was the object of my fantasies for as long as I can remember. I have that now. The idea of being in a relationship with a couple….an established couple meaning there is already a committed relationship in place has been a basis of some of those fantasies.

 

I would like to have a clearer picture of what it is L wants and expects from me. It is impossible for me to not submit to her even if her tendency never leaned towards dominating me. She is the wife of my Owner. Additionally…it just feels right. I am naturally submissive yet it has to feel right for me to offer it.

 

In a perfect world I would have two Owners. Both committed to helping me learn and grow and be a better person…not just a better submissive. I see a relationship where love and affection can flow freely between adults secure enough in their own role to let that happen. I see no jealously or insecurity in this perfect world of mine because after all…we are all happy and secure in our roles.

I see Richard being my Dominant.  He is my Owner…full time meaning it is natural and I am allowed to be available to him when he needs me…not just a weekly dose whether he needs it or not sort of thing. J

 

I see my role with L as one of deference and respect. A relationship where we never try to compete or do anything that would otherwise reflect negatively on Richard.

 

I see Richard having high expectations of me….having a larger hand in what I do. I see L playing that role too….I see her as the expert in how to please her husband and being instructive to me so I can please him as well. I see L having a better understanding of my desire (my need) to please him and serve him…and eventually feeling comfortable that some of that is projected on her.

 

I see myself as Richard’s submissive….I see a strong woman by his side that knows and understands her husbands need to keep me. To hurt me and to show me the love and affection that has developed between us without feeling like it subtracts or distracts from what she shares with him. I know nothing could. I see myself always, always being respectful to L and her role and rights as my Owners wife. I see myself as a meaningful part of Richard’s life and would like to be a meaningful part of L’s. I want to be devoted to you both….to feel as if L has some expectations of me.

 

When Richard told me L referred to me as ‘our pet’ I literally sunk down into this encompassing feeling of being safe and cared for and accepted. I see myself that way…I know it is hard to understand. For me too.

 

I like the title…pet. It sums up how I see myself in regards to Richard…in regards to you both. I get sad and angry and jealous too….but only when I am allowed to step out of my place and I have tried very hard to explain that to Richard. He has a way of making me feel very young and vulnerable….and when I am allowed to be in that submissive space nothing else matters. When I feel neglected or forgotten I feel lonely and jealous because I have been allowed to forget what I am and what I mean to this relationship.

 

In my fantasies I imagine….conversations over my head….two people delighted in their pet….two people confident that they have rights to me and all that entails….feeling like property and being cared for gently and lovingly but also being used to fulfill the sadistic urges of my Owner….not worrying that my need to be touched and nurtured is met with anger and resentment. I can’t handle that only because I see it so differently.

 

I see….three people committed to each others happiness and security. I never want to cause trouble or distract from what my real role is. I see L as an extension of Richard….I want her to know if she tells or asks me to do something that I will do it. I want her to know that….to expect that. I want Richard to hold me more accountable when I allow my submission to slide. I am happier when he is stern with me….it makes my mind less fuzzy….I need that. I need that as much as I need his tenderness. I need tenderness because it reinforces what we are doing is alright….

 

I see you both supporting me and helping me into the right kind of relationship. I like when Richard sets guidelines for me. I like/need the curfews….the rules…the restrictions he places on me. I would value that from L too….

 

 

I feel safe and valued when I am secure in my role. I am pleased when I am asked to give pleasure to my Owners wife. I see myself as a tool of sorts….something that the two of you can use to please each other.

 

I would like one day for all of us to be comfortable and feel quite natural enough in our roles so my submission to Richard can be fully utilized even when L is there. I do not see or even want hard pain in front of L.…her distress would change my ability to submit the way I need to.

 

 

 

She responded wonderfully and her email made me feel as if this is all going to work out somehow…that we are all working on this for the right reasons. I won’t print her entire email but her main points were bulleted…..

So what do I want?

First that you please try to remember and please understand all this as best you can.  

Then what? To be included in decisions, conversations and texting. It makes me feel like I am involved and I like that.  

To work as your Dominant’s wife, an arm of him only when it feels comfortable and not a threat to either of us, or to Richard.

To be allowed to be a mother figure who shows respect, friendship and a nurturing shoulder & here, most importantly, that respect and friendship be reciprocated and not routed through Richard.

To be able to show affection openly, comfortably between us like married couples should and do when happy

To hug you and be hugged back

To not feel abandoned or forgotten when it is asked that you be strong and on your own

To watch you mature into a confident and assured woman who believes life is good and deserving of you.

Richard is never one to be left out so he also submitted an email explaining his perfect world….I won’t explain that because I think ya’ll all know what he wants. I will quote a short portion….

 

OK, my turn.

Both of you have taken a really big picture view and I think that is a good place to start.  I will address that but will try to get a little closer to specifics to see if I can narrow the conversation a bit, otherwise we will be at it all night, lol.

 

Big picture:  I like that both of you have used the analogy of the family.  I told L at lunch that absent children, my perfect world would be pixie living upstairs and all of us being one big happy family.

 

 

So we are all moving forward. I think we have shifted to the point where all of us are looking at the bigger picture…that our every action affects each of us. We are all looking at this as long term….I am eager to move forward.

 

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “perfect worlds

  1. Pixie,
    As you trust the world it does seem to wrap you up and take care of you, doesn’t it.

    Sometimes you need to be reminded of that.

  2. simply incredible. i wish you every possible happiness as your triad embarks on this journey. as most of your readers do, i look forward to greedily absorbing each new chapter. xoxo

  3. yea for perfect worlds…dance for communication…clap clap for family…in what ever shape it takes…and hugs all round…

    fown

  4. *Big smiles*

    Who would have thought that L would have gotten this far so soon..?

    Pixie I hope you know how blessed you truly are.. The out come with L could have been so different..

    And Richard ..I hope you realize…what hell of a woman you have in L…because there is no doubt that you know what you have in pixie…

    May the three of you continue to be blessed…

    His fawn

  5. For a minute there I thought that I was still reading Persephones Obedience…….lol!

    Perhaps reading this would give Liam the insight and true understanding that seems to elude him….but then why should you, you have nothing to prove to him.?!

    I bet that Richard can not keep the big grin off of his face right now! I bet none of you can!

  6. good morning all,
    yes, these events are remarkable. These women are remarkable. And I am a lucky man.

    Before envy and euphoria completely overwhelm everyone, please understand that there will be a lot of work to mesh our three visions of a perfect world, and it is unlikely that any one of us will get our own perfect world, lol. But that we are talking about it, and that our visions include enough common elements that success seems possible, is remarkable in itself, isn’t it?

    I am reminded daily that with just a word or phrase I can completely f*&% this up. I am merely a man, after all, and these are two sensitive women, and the challenge of keeping my foot out of my mouth is daunting. By no means am I always able to do it – I am getting good at apologizing for insensitive (i.e. “stupid”) remarks, lol).

    but yes I am a lucky man, and I know it. I will never take it for granted. Do wish us luck.
    R

  7. “I am reminded daily that with just a word or phrase I can completely f*&% this up. ”

    Richard, I love the fact that this is quite racy blog at times, and yet you commented out the word fuck…..it just tickled me that is all : – )

  8. lol, Claire – I think I may have been the first to use that word here. I remember pixie saying something to me about dropping the “f” bomb into her blog. Trying to behave myself here.
    🙂

  9. Richard and pixe pie

    Believe me when I say the poly lifestyle is never easy..but it can be very rewarding and as time goes by the f^&*ups become less and less..

    I brought up” what a hell a woman” L is not to down play pixie pie, but because so many are here are always knocking L when things go wrong..I thank pixie for posting the L words… And I wish people would remember it takes 3 to make the relationship work and 3 to break it….

    Thanks you

    His fawn..

  10. What the majority of you fail to see or to even understand is that Richard has pixie brainwashed into thinking this is all alright. Apparently L is brainwashed too.

    pixie dear, don’t you want and need someone of your own? Are you so far gone you can’t see you are being emotionally manipulated and controlled. I feel sad for you and disgusted that so many of your readers apparently support this.

  11. Ron….

    I don’t think all pixie’s readers support the poly relationship..but they do support pixie… Nor are we all in agreement about how pixie or L has been force or not forced into this relationship….But I think I can speak for most of pixies readers..when I say we hope and wish the best for pixie and thank pixie for allowing us into a small part of her life…

    His fawn

  12. ron,

    do you think all poly relationships are ‘wrong’? who is one person to tell another what is ‘alright’? what one should or should not do? we are talking about consenting adults here. they all have free will. perhaps you are the one who just doesn’t get it. i’m not saying everything is perfect and rosy, but now that it’s all out in the open, don’t they at least have a chance? aren’t eyes wide open? it’s life, it’s complicated. it can also be beautiful and magical and sometimes those moments occur outside of traditional relationships and roles. can’t we each seek to define it for ourselves?

    does it make you feel better to be so condescending and patronizing? can’t other people see the world differently from you without being disgusting and stupid and manipulated and controlled?

  13. I do think consenting adults have the right to whatever relationship they desire. Is pixie capable of extracating herself from this relationship at will? Has she not tried only to be pulled back time and time again. How capable is she when he keeps her in this submissive mind set? Is she anymore capable of making a decision than a child or a person on medication? Is she not being manipulated? Taken advantage of? You people just think it is OK because it turns you on. You fail to see the truth because of your own selfishness.

  14. Wow. What the fuck? pixie is an accomplished, capable young woman, not a child and not someone who needs to have a guardian appointed. She is not mentally incompetant, for God’s sake. Are you just insane or something? I’ve now brainwashed 2 women? If it wasn’t so insulting to pixie, your rant would be laughable. Get a life! (but I repeat myself)

  15. Dude, Ron! Chill out. Pixie is not in subspace around the clock. Then she would not be able to drive or function at work. Logic, man. Think. Your negativity is just icky. And no, i don’t read this blog for masturbation purposes.

  16. Ron..

    First.. I don’t read this blog for sexual excitement!!
    Second… Get real, if pixie really wanted to end it with Richard she would..Each time she has spoken about it here..it has turn out to be more of a cry to Richard to hold on to her tighter ground her deeper in her submission to him…and once in a while its been a little about jealousy of Richard and L..anyway thats how this one has seen it..
    The only thing this one can seen hindering pixie is that she appears uncomfortable being alone and alone in her own skin…
    but that’s only what this one has seen in the snapshots pixie is willing to share with us her readers..

    So Ron if you don’t like what you see and hear move on, don’t be rude and hurtful too Pixie..

  17. I admit I do read this blog for sexual excitment. But not ONLY for that. Pix is a good write plus this blog is addicting.

    Can’t you block Ron or something or just have Richard go beat him up?

  18. Hi Pixie.

    First, I wish you, Richard and L the best of luck in your ever-changing relationship. It is quite unbelievable to me, how it has progressed. Life is short, shouldn’t you live it to the fullest if you can? It won’t always be easy but you know that.

    Something unrelated: I’ve commented numerous times here but I’ve never attempted to email you. I’d like to now but I didn’t see an email address anywhere on your frontpage, so I will leave a comment here, and try to be brief.

    I’m not certain if I’ve ever read your opinion on the difference (if any) between a submissive and a slave or the difference between a D/s relationship and a M/s relationship. I’ve been gathering thoughts about this lately and I thought of you today, my favorite blogger, and figured who better to ask for an opinion? I wonder just how many similar or different opinions there are on this topic.

    (Sorry to leave a question in your comments.)

    Be well.

  19. Richard….good use of the word fuck! I always new you had it in you! lol!

    Ron – even if what you were saying was true, what makes you think that Pixie is going to listen to you? Is she going to see the err of her ways and credit you with saving her soul? Sounds to me like you are one of those really annoying people who thinks that they are soooo perfect and that you are wise and all knowing………when really, in my experience, people like you know jack shit, are really repressed and have a very controlling nature.

    And if Richard has brainwashed these 2 lovely ladies, then he must’ve brainwashed ALL of Pixie’s readers. That is a true act of genius……..

    You don’t like what you read her or what Pixie’s readers think, don’t read here. In the words of my dear old ma, “put up or shut up”

    just my “humble” opinion of course…….

  20. For a minute there I thought that I was still reading Persephones Obedience…….lol!

    LOL! And when I was reading Meg’s blog, I thought maybe I had clicked here instead.

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