“There is no more lively sensation than that of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of the pleasure women perpetually feign and almost never experience.”
~ Marquis de Sade
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My mind is distracting me. My body right now is a little weak yet my mind busy, my spirit strong, my urges irrepressible.
I need to give myself to my Owner.
The urge to serve him is as strong as it ever was. I hate that he is far away. I am lacking an outlet for all of this energy and I find it close to painful. Sometimes I sit and think about all that he and I have done together. All the nights where he took me right to the edge and held me dangling just over. How I love those moments with him where there is just no question that I belong to him. The moments where his hands are free to hurt me, bruise me, make me bleed.
My body feels a little empty right now…he is gone and I need to feel his hands on me. It is true pain. I can’t make it go away. It seems as if emotionally I am dealing with his absence this time far better than I am dealing with it physically. I miss him, I ache with missing him yet I know he will come back and love me. I will still be his and there will be nothing to stop us from being together. I have a handle on that. Yet physically I am struggling with my need to be touched, to be hurt.
I think about him putting me on my stomach and stretching my arms and legs so he can attach them together. I think about watching his fingers on my nipples as he pulls them out far from my body and twists them until I have to cry out…or when he can so easily flip me over and bring his hand down on my bottom over and over until I am burning with the pain of his hand and the ache between my legs is painful. I think about his cane and how it looks so natural in his hand and the look he gets on his face when he is using it on me. I also think about the strong desire that overwhelms me when I so desperately want to please him.
I want him to come home and touch me…I want him to hurt me and use me.
I want him to take me to places where he has only warned me about. I want to go to that dark place he only teases me with sometimes. I want to know that I have offered my full self to him before I go away forever.
I have a few weeks left until he comes back to me. After Thanksgiving. How will I wait that long?