He stood just more than two feet away from the girl kneeling in front of him. She was looking down, her dark eyes examining some imaginary piece of dirt on the hard wood floor beneath her. She was still dressed. Upon entering the room he immediately instructed her to kneel. She obeyed him and slipped gracefully to the floor where she knelt prettily her unbound arms above her head, her delicate fingers laced together.He walked around her and stood slightly off to the side as if assessing her from all angles. She shifted just a little to watch him as she was a little unsure of his intent.“I rarely punish you. You rarely give me cause and I have no desire to play that game with you. Tonight is not a punishing you. You please me, you are pleasing me now. Tonight is about pain. Your pain and I crave it tonight.”She squirmed a little and he could hear her breathing quicken and he knew his words were both arousing and frightening to her. He had hurt her before, many times in fact and yet there was something different in his mind tonight. He felt a stark callousness towards his submissive tonight that had nothing to do with his true and deep feelings for her. There was a raw almost primitive need inside of him that had been growing. He owned her. She was his to do with as he pleased and he saw no good reason to not take advantage of the gift before him.“Stand up.” She obeyed him and stood up as gracefully as she had knelt. He noticed the redness on her knees from the hard floor and he noted to himself even that slight discoloration on her skin that he caused thrilled him. He was going to rough with her tonight both in his words and with his hands. She kept her hands laced together above her head and looked at him with eyes that were filled with trust and a little fear.“It is good to be a little scared of me, isn’t it?” He stood in front of her and ran his hands down over her body possessively, roughly loving the feel of her even above her clothing. The white shirt she was wearing has small buttons on it and one by one he opened her top baring her soft white skin, He slid the cotton down on her shoulders and pulled her bra down so that her small but sweetly firm breasts were displayed. Moments like this he often fought the urge to gently suck and kiss her nipples. No gentleness tonight.He attached two metal clamps to her small nipples. The steel was sharp and biting and with any encouragement from him or any resistance from her they would break her skin. She moaned and tossed her head back a little trying to stay on top of the sudden pain that jumped around her chest. His hands cupped her breasts and shook them hard back and forth causing the metal to tighten and pull. He slapped each breast hard watching her face, watching her eyes and knowing she was his. Knowing this pain would be slight compared to where his mind was already taking her. He slapped each breast again and again noticing with great pleasure that her nipples were bleeding slightly. He pulled on the clamps and felt her sway as if the pain was almost too much.“Undress for me.” With shaky hands she pulled off her blouse and bra and he took them from her. Her skirt and panties followed and he tossed everything to the side. Naked now she stood in front of him. Her small breasts were red from his hands and her nipples looked as if they were already raw. By her hair he pulled her down to her knees and kicked her legs apart. He pressed her chest down to the floor so her bottom was in the air. When her breast made contact with the hard floor she almost screamed out in pain. He closed his eyes and tried to absorb the beauty of that sound.He pressed her harder into the floor knowing the clamps were tearing into her delicate skin. She moaned.“Sit up you little cunt. Tell me what you are.” he said his hand around her throat.“A cunt, your cunt Sir.”“Good girl, good cunt.” he said emphasizing the word. His hand slipped between her legs and encountered her dripping wetness. He loved her responsiveness to him…her eagerness to please him. “What a wet cunt you are…what a bad little cunt you are for getting this wet. Aren’t you?” He slapped her face hard four or five times keeping his other hand stroking her cunt. She was pressing against him and was almost ready to cum when he stopped. Hard hands pushed her and she fell backwards onto the bed. He straddled her and pulled again on the metal clamps watching the sharp teeth pinch into already bloodied skin.Giving them a quick and final twist he removed them. This time she did scream. His fingers were pinching and twisting her tormented nipples as she thrashed beneath him.He slapped her face again this time harder and he told her to hold still.“I am not even close to being finished with you.” He replaced the metal clamps with tight wooden clothes pins. He didn’t stop with her nipples. He covered her breast with clothes pins…he added some down her side and right beneath her arms where he knew the skin was incredibly sensitive.“Roll over.” She rolled onto her stomach arching up suddenly against the pain from the clothes pins biting into her skin. He lay on top of her pressing his weight into her causing the pins to pull and bite. Her nipples were agony for her and she moaned and begged him to stop.He pressed her face into the bed and imagined she couldn’t breathe. He pressed it harder down into the soft bedding and felt the resistance as she struggled to find fresh air. He felt a great power from his control and domination of her. He released her and he reveled in the sounds of her gasping for air as she lifted her head.He had about three more dozen clothes pins and he added them to the skin on her back. He created a straight line directly down her spine and added the rest to the backs of her thighs. He left her bottom bare knowing he had other plans for it.“I want you to get up and then crawl into the bathroom for me. I have a special treat for my cunt today.”She gingerly slid off the bed and crawled towards the large bathroom. Her every move sent pain rippling through her body. It was a good pain she realized, it was the kind of pain that fed that dark part of her. She loved it. She loved it when he stopped her mid crawl to spank her bottom hard…that he reached around her and pulled on the pins attached to her nipples. She loved this pain that pulled her submission out. His hand landed harder and harder on her bottom until she felt herself scoot along a little on the hard floor from its force. He spanked her again and again and she lifted her bottom to him and she was thankful for every time his hand made contact with her skin.“You need to work on your crawling.” He said this as the spanking slowed. He left her for a second and returned with her heavy black collar. He laced it around her neck and then added the lead to it. She was humiliated. He loved it.“Now you truly are a pet, my pet.” He pulled hard on her leash forcing her head against the floor. Her chest again against the hardness of the wood beneath her..and he spanked her again.They finally made it to the bathroom and she liked the cool feeling of the tile on her knees. He attached her leash to the hook on the back of the bathroom door and had her bend over the bathtub. “Do you know what I am going to do to you?”“No..Sir.”“First I am going to remove some of these clothes pins.” He savagely yanked three from her back and then three more before she had the chance to recover. He was thrilled that she was so well trained that she held her position. Her cry of pain was still in his ears and he knew there would be more of that. It was the only reason he didn’t gag her.She heard him begin to unbuckle his belt. She knew that sound and she knew what it meant. The next sound she heard was the leather slipping out from the buckles and again she heard the metal buckle chime.“This is what I am going to do. Now be a good little girl for me and listen. I am going to beat you with my belt. Hard. So hard you will be begging me to stop. Then I am going to turn you over and beat your breasts with my belt. I am going to beat off all the clothes pins except for the ones on your nipples. Get used to them they aren’t going anywhere. After that I am going to do something I have waited a long time to do. I am going to give you an enema. That’s right….I am going to fill your little ass up with warm water and then plug you up real tight. What does my little cunt think of that? Three holes, remember…that is what you are. Say it to me.” He watched her squirm over the high bathtub and he knew the clothes pins were still hurting her. His cock ached and he needed to be inside of her.“I am your three holes Sir.”“Tell me again.” And she did. “I can do anything to you, can’t I? My own little slut…my wet dripping pain slut.” He brought the belt down across her back leaving a ladder of redness the entire way to her bottom. He doubled the belt over and beat her bottom with it until it was so red it appeared almost shiny. She whimpered and begged him to stop and he made her beg him for more. He used the belt on the backs of her legs where the clothes pins were still attached. He was relentless in his swing and soon the cushion the clothes pins gave was gone as the pins flew off her red thighs. He continued to punish her loving the sound of leather against skin. He caught her by the hair and pulled her off the side of the tub and down onto the floor. She was on her back and he stood over her. “Cunt.” he whispered before using the single strap of the belt to knock off the clothes pins that hadn’t already came off.He placed his foot against her throat and pressed down just hard enough to restrict her breathing a little. She kept her hands on the floor and never tried to move his foot. She was struggling for air but he wasn’t ready to release her. Instead he leaned down and pulled up on the clothes pins still on her nipples. She gave a gargled almost silent scream and he lifted his foot long enough to she could draw a ragged breath before once again placing it on her throat. He pulled again on the clothes pins twisting them roughly loving the sounds she was making as he hurt her. He straddled her again right there on the bathroom floor. His hands pulled at her nipples…smacking her breasts over and over. The feel of her squirming and moaning in pain beneath him was incredible. He ripped off the clothes pins just so he could put them back on. He did this two or three times until her nipples were purple and swollen. He put them back on and left.He lifted her head up slightly and pressed his cock against her lips. He fucked her mouth hard….thrusting in deep until she almost gagged. He thrust in as deep as he could and held his cock in her mouth forcing her to take all of him. “Good cunt” he said pulling out and wiping his cock across her face loving the shame that flashed in her eyes. “Are you ready for your enema?”She shook her head slightly and said no…that she was embarrassed, scared.He wanted her that way…this was uncharted territory for her. It wasn’t as if he was into this type of dynamic…but he was into humiliating her and this was certainly a great way to make that happen.He had her lay across the tub again. He slipped a dry finger into her bottom causing her to cry out a little. He pressed it deeper into her and then made her ask for it. “Where is my finger slut?”“It is in my ass…”“Ask me to give you an enema…tell me my little girl needs her daddy to get her all cleaned up. Say it?”She stumbled a little but she obeyed him…loving the daddy little girl dynamic he threw in.“Please daddy.” she repeated. “please give your little girl an enema…please Sir.”
Tag: pixiepie
Reflecting What if I hadn’t come home?
sorry i haven’t written anything…and yes things are fine with M and i! i am actually going to meet the wonderful lady friend of M’s who has agreed to provide me some much needed discipline…gulp. i think we are going to meet one evening this week or possibly over the weekend just to build my comfort level with her. She seems very nice and i am excited to see where this will lead. that will be another post…
things have been crazy here….i just moved 500 miles away into a beautiful new home to start a wonderful new position that i feel was created just for me! funny how all along people say you can’t go home…that it won’t feel the same….how totally untrue! i am home and feel happier than i can ever remember, it’s like everything in my world is a little brighter and a little (ok…a lot) better! my only regret is that i lacked the courage to do this years ago…funny how getting away from people in your life that would like nothing more than to see you fail is freeing…..there are real lessons to be learned from getting away from emotionally damaging relationships… 1- blood isn’t always thicker than water, sometimes the people who share your blood are the people who want to hurt you, who betray your trust with bitter, vengeful actions and lies. life is better away from people like that. 2-like i said…you can go home. 3-southern hospitality is alive and kicking…does anyone NOT love North Carolina…the lady who served me lunch today called me ‘sugar’..as she poured me a big glass of sweet tea….something that is impossible to get where i was living. 4-some friendships pick up right off where you left them i am sure there is a bunch of other stuff i am still figuring out but right now i am exhausted…i need a shower and still need to workout tonight..
Richard
I just feel like imagining….like writing, like remembering….
His words were soft and as close to my heart as they were to my ear. His breath was moist and warm and I tilted my head towards his lips hoping more than hope that they would brush the curl of my ear. My eyes were closed and I willed my body to quiet, begged my heart to be silent so I didnʼt miss a word that flowed from his mouth. His fingers were on my shoulders and I could feel the warmth of his open palms against my collar bone. The size of his hands made me feel small…delicate. He was behind me, his naked chest against the damp skin of my back. He felt solid. My arms were above my head my hands pressed against the old satiny paper on the wall. The room was glowing with morning sunshine and it warmed the air giving everything around us an old fashioned feeling. It made me imagine that we were in an old foreign film and the people who watched us saw our skin in a grainy black and white. Only we were anything but. The colors of his touch exploded around us in sharp breaths and deep moans and we were both vibrant and so much alive.The back of his hand slid down my back and I trembled as it paused there in the indented place right above the curve of my bottom. His touch was sure and his mouth was against the back of my neck… his other hand resting now on my stomach dipping lower to urge my legs apart.”Spread your legs for me.” I wiggled my feet apart slightly arching my back pressing my naked bottom closer to him. I silently begged him to take me, knowing he wouldnʼt a second before he wanted to. He was slow with me. He was deliberate and I could tell he was enjoying my nakedness, my position and the way I couldnt help trembling. I needed his hands on me and I opened my mouth to say it to him but couldn’t get anything out. He touched my hair. “Your Master loves you. You don’t have to say anything.”I was slick for him, hot and opened and my clit was swollen and it ached like a small heart. It pulsed as if it was sending a coded signal to his knowing fingers. I pressed my bottom out just a bit further leaning my chest inward more so my breasts were flattened against the cool wall. “Good girl.” he whispered before his teeth bit into my neck and then again on my shoulder. I knew he marked me and the heat of his mouth was like a brand. His fingers were opening the slick naked lips of my cunt. “God you are so wet…so hot down here for me.” He bit me again this time bending slightly so his brand marked me in the center of my back. I cried out hardly recognizing the almost panicked sound of my own voice. My need was already great and it was building. I felt fevered and was headed to that place where pain was all I needed from him; pain and the unquenchable desire to please him wrapped around me and threatened everything or any limit ever silently established between us.I didnʼt know what he was going to do to me, I didnʼt care. I only knew I wanted it and I would take it. His hand gripped my arm and pulled me backward turning me so I was facing him and my bottom was now against the wall. My eyes met his chest and I could see his heart pounding. The rhythm matched the ache in my cunt and the dampness was thick on the top of my thighs. He knelt down and roughly pulled my cunt lips apart his mouth sucking the hood of my clit into its heat and nipped at the swollen tender nerve that was hidden within.Without being told my arms were above my head…. my legs open, always open for him. I was lost in the sensation of having his beautiful mouth tugging at my clit. He paused and I felt a different texture there….I felt a pinch and then a deep pain that turned hot and then warm and I realized he was applying metal clamps to my lips. At one time they had rubbery black tops hiding the sharpened metal teeth but in the height of his sadism he had pulled them off. The metal teeth were like small animals tearing into my bare lips; first two on each side and then two more so the weight of the clips and the linked thin chain that held them together held me open for his inspection. They were like a heavy hands twisting and pulling and when he pulled on the chains I almost dropped to my knees. Whether it was pain or pure masochistic desire…it didnʼt matter to me I was already gone. He fumbled with the metal as if weighing the heaviness of it in his hand before dropping it and letting it hit my legs. Every time he did it the teeth tightened against my skin and the chains felt heavier. “I could hurt you like this all night. Just play with you like this, fill this room with your moans for the rest of the day.”He reached up and pinched my nipples pulling on them until they stretched far away from my body. I pulled back needing more…wanting more and I felt his fingers slip away leaving my nipples aching. He stood up and showed me that he held more clamps in his hand. Again…my nipples were pinched and pulled away but this time he clamped the metal onto the tender pink skin. I was sure he was piercing me they were so tight. They were pieces of agony dangling from my nipples and when he pulled them I felt the tears explode from my eyes and drip down my heated cheeks. My moan was deep and even my own ears I could tell it was a moan of need….it spoke to him and it whispered…please…please…I am almost there. It was a language he knew and we only spoke it together. “I know..I know…” he murmured. “Iʼm not finished with you yet.”The chain hanging from my nipples was now a lead and he tugged it hard pulling me forward causing the metal to pinch harder into my skin. He pulled and I followed…and he wasnʼt gentle when he pushed me towards the bed so I was bent over it. The thick whiteness of the comforter was like torture against my nipples…he pressed a hand into my back knowing he forced the metal teeth that were chewing on my cunt lips and my nipples to bite harder.His hand was on the back of my neck and his other hand had started to spank me hard. The slaps were fast, hard and stinging and I fought the urge to dodge them, to move away. He spoke to me and his voice blended with the cadence of his hand and I was lost in the feeling. I was struggling to catch my breath when he stopped only to replace his hand for the cane. No warm up for me…he rested the cane against my skin for a second before pulling back. It landed across my bottom again and again and I was breathing hard to not cry out…to not step away. And then it happened…that flash that comes across my body. It is right after I realize I am sweating….right after I realize the pain feels warm…and good and then there is this switch. It is when every time the cane makes contact my body just pulses….and flashes and the endorphins are sparking and bright all inside me. There is no pain and it feels like magic all over me. Knowing I am his…and I take this for him adds an element of pleasure and I arch towards his cane and with my body I beg him to not stop…to cane me harder…to cane my back….the backs of my legs…all of me is like a nerve and I feel on the verge of orgasm.I realize his hand is not holding me down…I am not fighting him or the pleasure of the cane. I am just still beneath it….submitting to him willingly, with all of myself the way he taught me to. He stops caning me and I feel the brush of it against my cheek as he tosses it down beside me. I fight the urge to press my lips to it….in that moment I feel so deeply connected to that extension of him. I feel his hands against my bottom and he is separating my cheeks…I feel him press against me. He whispered for me to relax…to not fight him. He told me to press back against him and I felt his fingers grip my hips tightly. When I did he inched inside me slowly and I felt myself stretch to take him in. I pressed a little more and he gripped me harder and all at once slammed inside me lifting my feet from the floor. He filled me and I felt as if i could explode with the pleasure of his violation. His hand found my clit and rubbed it hard and he knew I was going to cum. The rythm of him deep inside of me and the stretching feeling of having him deep in my ass was overwhelming. The pleasure was almost too intense and when I came I came hard against him throwing myself back to make his deepest thrust even deeper. His fingers had to have been bruising my hips they were holding me so tight. He pressed hard into my back so I was flat against the bed and he continued to take me….it was a pounding rhythm that pulled me in and blocked out everything else. It was a raw primitive feeling of just being taken and used by him…I was blended with him and all the pleasure he was giving me and all the pleasure he was taking from my body.he told me to reach around and spread my cheeks for him as wide as I could…I obeyed him and he pounded even harder into me…deeper than I thought possible. I felt the sweetest release building way up inside of me and I knew I would cum again…if only he would keep doing it just like that. He didnt stop…and I didnt either and when I came he came and I felt the hot flooding sensation of having him mark me on the inside…like the cane he cut into me and flooded me with pleasure and pain all together. Without leaving my body he moved me so I was nestled against him…so that he was tight against me…almost like I was inside of him too. He moved us to the center of the bed and covered us with the white blanket that was torturing me moments before….I slept.
dedication page
My editor suggested I take a break writing and work on my dedication page. I had no idea it would be so emotionally draining. I know in my heart of hearts I’ve had more love stories than most. Some were breathtakingly and wonderfully brief. Some were ugly and toxic and brought out the worst in me. Some stand out.
My marriage was not a before and after relationship. I may have grown older but I left my marriage in most all ways the same I went into it. A little more jaded of course, less trusting and certainly more wary of men who appear too perfect but I’ve recovered and if anything I’m better, stronger and so much happier I ever was when confined to the bounds of matrimony.
I tried hard to narrow it down to two but I knew I had to include the first three men who popped into my head. So here it goes. This is what my dedication page would look like if I had to write it right now.
To Mark- you took the innocence I was eager to give you. You took a girl on the brink of womanhood and traveled with me through the trials of finding myself. Perhaps the quintessential coming of age story- knowing you the way I now I realize it not a coming of age story at all. You taught me I wasn’t the only one in the world who enjoyed pain- and you made me feel unashamed about the wiring of my brain. You taught me what submission could feel like. You also taught me about betrayal. You taught me about abandonment and you showed me how my life would have been if I followed your path and settled. You taught me about sadness and lies and duplicity. Knowing what I know about your life now I feel a great sadness for you because we had a path at one point and I was loved by you. I’m certain it crosses your mind sometimes if we had made different choices.
You did however give me the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
You taught me about myself. You taught me I could be selfless. You taught me to be unashamed of my desires. I was safe in your hands and because of all of those things I dedicate this book to you. Most importantly Mark, you gave me Richard.
To Max. What an enigma you are. We are so much alike. We say that to each other a lot, don’t we? From the first day we met we both felt this pull to each other. It was confusing to me as I belonged to another. So did you. We tried so hard to live within the rules of society. The rules that we both are now free to scorn. Our lives threatened to stand in the way and we did our best to deny what we felt, what we wanted- what we needed. It had a life of its own as these things often do. I don’t think you wanted to love me. You do love me though and you’ve never been afraid to remind me of that when too much time goes by and I don’t see you. You have taught me patience. You have taught me to stand strong in my submission and know that wherever you go and wherever I go we somehow always come back together. There is an intangible string connecting us and you are always playing around somewhere in my head. I hear your voice and you are the man I fantasize about whenever I am with another. It’s always been you. You and I think alike. We know love isn’t something a person runs out of. Love isn’t a feeling one can use up on one person and be unable to love another. I’ve experienced this. You’ve made me a braver person. You are such a gentle lover even in your dominance of me. Your eyes turn three shades darker when you look at me. I jump head first into the green pools each and every time we are together. With you I try not to think about tomorrow. With you I have the freedom to love you and live an entirely different love story at the same time. We may never be a happily ever after. If there even is such a thing but my heart belongs to you. Like I once said in my blog- There is always Max. You are my constant, my North. My submission to you and your dominance of me showed me the real life side of this dynamic. We loved each other through marriages ending, children being born, horrible life changing tragedies and you never once disappeared. You’ve been my lover, my best friend, my hero for years. You are the only person who could understand the grief I felt when I lost Richard and instead of holding that against me you loved me through it. You’ve saved my life more than once. And not just when you pulled me from the sea and made me breath again. You are one of the strongest people I know. You will never know the strength you have given me through the years. When I was sick you were there. You are the only thing that brought me back to center. I survived that brief brush with death because you told me I could. You told me I had to get better. You said we had more adventures to share. And I did get better. And we have had some of the most amazing moments together. You are my travel partner and the only person who doesn’t get on my nerves after 48 hours. We’ve danced together under the sea watching in wonder at the creatures swimming around us. You challenge my heart. You break my heart and still I hand it to you every time you reach for it. You are the only person I lose my voice with when I want to say no. With you I have no pride and my heart is on my sleeve. Your steadfast presence in my life has taught me me to trust again. You took a wild child of a woman that Richard left behind and honed my submission into something that made me stronger in all other aspects of my life. You made submission so fulfilling, so much fun. You taught me how to burn, how to need and how to not get everything I wanted. You taught me to settle. You taught me if something feels like disrespect it usually is. If something feels one sided it usually is. And I’ve learned the emotionally selfish people in this world will be the ones alone as they walk through the second half of their lives- living in a state of freedom when you know freedom is nothing but a braid of the one you miss, loneliness and stubbornness.
With you Max I loved you with nothing more than hope. I loved you to the point of ruin as I fear I’ll never love another the way I love you. I remind myself what a privilege it was for you and to have met, to have loved. I think in the end we’d tell our stories differently. I’ve been through a brief few days of regret and self pity about what just transpired between us. I’ve tried to stop remembering but my heart shows me absolutely no pity. There was something here between us once. And if either of us choosing to take a step in the others direction I imagine it would be as it was. You made me feel like a novelty. As if I was nothing more than an escort scheduled to show up for you pleasure. Some of your comments I found heartbreaking and some of what you didn’t say ended up saying a whole lot. We may have a power exchange but that doesn’t bleed over full disclosure that’s good for the goose and gander. We can respect each others privacy as we should but isn’t fair to either of us to not know if you are in love with another. I don’t want to be the one you call when you need what we’ve found we can only give each other. I love you. But I don’t know you anymore. Not the way I did a few short years ago.
Maybe it’s as simple as wishing we lived a little in the same way. I love with everything. You love selfishly wearing a backpack with a rip cord.
To Richard- how do I take years of love and write it into a short dedication? You told me not to fall in love with you. I think we were both half in love with the other the first time we met. You owned me. You owned my heart. You owned my soul. My very world revolved around pleasing you. You were the true before and after in my life. My 9/11. I’ve never felt more loved, more cherished, more understood than I was when I was with you. You wore a crown for me. You were perfect. And the pedestal I had you on was sky high. We really had a big time, didn’t we? You made me feel as if there was nothing I couldn’t do. You pushed my body to the limits and then when I was limp and wounded you taught me I could take more. You taught me that I could control my body using my mind. I’ve always been a survivor but you took this and loved me so hard I never felt as if I were in survivor mode. I told you all my secrets. You told me secrets about yourself nobody else in the world knows. There were times it seemed we were one person. When it was hard to tell where I stopped and you began. Your breath was my breath and my fear was the elixir that pushed you to take me further. You taught me how it felt to crave pain and to thrive beneath the sting of your hand, to melt under your tender kisses. I became a woman with you. You changed me. When I was with you my heart was wild and settled at the same time. I was a gypsy along for the ride knowing wherever you led I would follow. Oh but you taught me about grief too. The pain I felt when it was finally “time” for us to part became a physical part of my life for the longest time. I woke up with it. I went to bed with it. My sadness was so big I felt as if part of me had died. You were so close to me. You were a million miles away. We did good for awhile, didn’t we? Being strangers. I feel more complete that you are in my life again. Losing you prepared me for my dads suicide. Losing him was as hard as losing you. You rolled through my mind like a slow train with no destination. It took weeks, months, years before I could finally get to the place you told me I’d get to one day. You once told me that I would hurt everyday until it felt as if the pain would never leave me and then one day I’ll realize I didn’t once think of you and those days would come more and more frequently. I never stopped thinking of you. There is a theory about pain or anxiety or any other feeling that experts say you just have to make a place for it. Give it a little time everyday then shake it off and go on about your day. You became a feeling to me. More than just a person. You were a mood. A warm blanket I’d allow to settle around my shoulders each and everyday and no matter where I was I’d anticipate that time. I craved moments of solitude so I could be with you in my mind. I had convinced myself that someplace somewhere you too would be thinking of me and somehow magically you would be able to feel my love. I’m forever grateful to you for everything you were to me. I am beyond thrilled that we aren’t strangers anymore. It means the world to me. I’ve never loved another the way I loved you. You taught me how to dance just for you. You made me yours in every way a person can belong to another. We were bigger than life, bigger than marriage even. Remember telling me that the few short years when I was yours were easily the happiest you had ever been. I never forgot that. I never forgot the taste of your tears that dreadful night when we were almost certain it was over. I can still see your face and how you looked at me that night. I saw the entire world inside your eyes. You made me into what you needed me to be while molding me into the kind of person I always wanted to be. When you were happy I was happy. Just as importantly Richard you gave me Max
I’m sure I’ll edit this. A dedication page shouldn’t be so long but the story I’m telling leans into me and pulls this out placing it on the first page. I love that I love when I’m writing from my heart again.
When I was in these relationships I had reminders, talisman you could say that reminded me I was theirs. There are so many collars but the one I’m sharing below is heavy yet delicate. Lots of color choices but I love the rose gold.
Take a look!
Quick thought
Sometimes I wish I could go back in life. Not really to change things though I’d change plenty….but because there are so many moments I want to feel again.
pixie pie 